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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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14 replies

GingerLiberalFeminist · 24/12/2018 15:21

So I discovered I was pregnant five days ago. I was late and there were loads of signs I only see in retrospect

  • eating 500g carrots a day!
  • crying at the smallest thing
  • sickness/nausea!
  • sleeping all the damn time!

My initial response was to be absolutely overjoyed. I want a child. But we all know it isn't that simple.

I'm 37, stable job, have my own house, sadly divorced and probably not over it. I've not had a relationship lasting than 6 months in the five years I've been divorced.

The father is a casual lover of mine. He's lovely and I adore him but I realised when we first hooked up he would never be relationship material ^^. We used contraception.

So I find myself, when I lift my head up from my sick bowl or stop crunching ice cubes, wondering what to do.

I'm either 6 weeks or 10 weeks gone. I had a period in Oct but it was very short which bothered me and I did a test which was negative. There's no doubt now!

When I told him, he predictably freaked out. We have had several rows since then. He is insisting I terminate the pregnancy. He's calmed down a little today and I'm hopefully seeing a midwife later this week.

The more he insists I terminate, the more adamant I am I want to keep the child. But there is a nagging worry at the back of my mind.

He has a son from his previous marriage who lives in Australia. He doesn't want a repeat of the same situation. I get that. I don't expect marriage and happily ever after.

He is of course thinking about him, not me.

I have never been pregnant, and never thought I'd be in this position at my age! I thought by now I'd be sorted and doing the heteronormative thing; marriage and children. Not facing life as an older single mother.

Any and all advice would be welcome

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
AtrociousCircumstance · 24/12/2018 15:23

You want a child, keep your baby. He’ll have to deal with it. Doesn’t sound like he wants to take responsibility but don’t let that stop you doing what you truly wish.

Bigonesmallone3 · 24/12/2018 15:25

Congratulations OP, sounds like this is exactly what u wanted so obviously a termination is not an option...
He will come round and if he doesn't then u do it alone, plenty of woman have before you..
U will be fine x

Honeybee79 · 24/12/2018 15:29

If you want this baby then go for it. It is not his body, it is yours. However, if you go for it then you may need to prepare yourself for getting very little support (in any sense) off him.

If you want to do it then you'll make the practicalities of it work. You'll cope. What is your wider support network like - local friends/family?

ChristmasCuddles · 24/12/2018 15:36

Congratulations. I am sure your baby will have a great life with you as it’s mother.

youaremyrain · 24/12/2018 15:36

Congratulations! I got pregnant unexpectedly at 39 when I was already a single parent to two (adopted) children with SEN.
It was terrifying but it's been ok

alfiesmam · 24/12/2018 15:39

Congratulations Op Smile

mynameiscalypso · 24/12/2018 15:43

Congratulations; I found out that I'm pregnant a couple of days ago (probably 5/6 weeks but not sure). Our situation is much more simple (married, TTC for 3 years) although this is quite unexpected as we've already had one failed round of IVF. Even so, it's still a mind fuck so I can't imagine what you're feeling. Good luck with whatever you decide to do; ultimately it's your choice though and if you want the baby, I'm sure you will make a fantastic mother.

GingerLiberalFeminist · 24/12/2018 17:39

Thank you all for the congrats 😊
I have a good support network of friends locally, mum's and non mum's. And while my family aren't nearby, I think they'll come round eventually.
I'm very emotional, mind f*ck is a good expression but I really don't think I can terminate.
One of the worst things is the stigma I'm feeling (totally in my head) of being divorced older single mum 😦

OP posts:
hoping2018 · 24/12/2018 19:57

It the nicest way at 37 you may not get another chance to have a child - so simplify it- do you want a child? And could you live with the decision of a termination?

I would remove him from the equation when making the decision - then let him know what you've decided and it's up to him from there.

Best of luck

Honeybee79 · 24/12/2018 20:38

In which case it sounds like your mind is made up - congratulations!

Plenty of people have first babies in their late thirties, no one will bat an eyelid. You'll be great.

shiningstar2 · 24/12/2018 20:49

Congratulations op. Your post suggests you clearly want this baby and to be a mother. As another poster has pointed out...at 37 time is ticking over. Who knows if and when you will get another chance.

Own the decision to be a mother. It won't always be easy going it alone if this it what turns out ...but losing the baby you clearly want and living with what might have been would. i think. be worse. Good Luck.

TheArtfulScreamer · 25/12/2018 08:13

Agree with other posters take him out of the equation and make your decision on what you want and the fact that if you proceed you'll be a single parent (which isn't a bad thing judging by the number of posters who moan about their lazy DHs who do sod all to help with DC).

Rtmhwales · 25/12/2018 08:46

Go for it! I found out I was pregnant something like six days after my XH just walked out of our marriage and sent me packing back to my home country. He's never met his DS, and while I thought it would be hard (it has been emotionally, just for his absolute rejection of DS), it hasn't been overly hard and it's been 100% worth it. We're six months in and I'm so glad I wasn't bullied into a termination.

ss3ajb · 25/12/2018 22:58

@GingerLiberalFeminist congratulations - I found out I was pregnant just over a week ago - am married but was not trying it was a huge shock and I did not know how to feel about it at first - but am so pleased now - if you are doubting a termination and you want your baby then go for it - you will be ok and it will work out - I feel certain of that the guy sounds like a bit of a muppet - no one has the right to demand such a significant decision from another person - I say forget about him and any other judgement and enjoy your baby- life is short and we must grab it - good luck xxx

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