Pregnancy tests not getting darker and general anxiety

[Sarahvd2522]

Hello all,

I've just recently found out I'm pregnant again. I'm roughly nearly 5 weeks. Pregnancy for me has been a but of a tough time. My first pregnancy ended in a heartbreaking TFMR in 2016. I just had this awful feeling during that pregnancy even before I knew something was wrong like I knew somehow that we weren't taking the baby home. I was very fortunate to get pregnant again quickly after and that resulted in DD. That pregnancy was stressful as I had some compliactions. Sounds mad but I just had this feeling that she was going to be ok and that she was a girl and she was!. This pregnancy I have no real feeling Of good or bad and no real symptoms at all. I keep taking tests like a mad woman and they aren't getting any darker but clearblue says 2-3 weeks so that's right I guess. I just feel different like I forget I'm pregnant (I do have a toddler) and then the next minute I'm thinking something bad is going to happen. I just don't know how I feel but certainly not the same as with DD.

Just feeling a bit all over the place! Sorry for the rant!

Sara x

After DS, i had 3 consecutive miscarriages, so when I fell pregnant a 5th time, i was continually trying to gage what my “gut feeling” on the pregnancy was....basically overanalysing non stop. Like you, I had next to no symptoms and, with a toddler to run after, at times I forgot that I was pregnant at all (which, in my mind at the time, was just further “proof” that it would definitely end once again tears). I think that basically what I was doing, and possibly what you are doing now, was trying to predict (ie protect myself from) what was happening in order to try to a cushion the blow in case it all went wrong again......well my 5th pregnancy was a success, and my DD is now sat here on my lap, so all those worries were in fact for nothing!

The first 12/20 weeks of pregnancy are stressful at the best of times, so when you have a history of past trauma during this period they can be beyond hideous.

I guess all I want to say to you is: ALL looks fine today, and if you hadn’t been through the trauma of your first pregnancy you wouldn’t be nearly as worried as you are now. Don’t focus on trying to figure out your “gut feeling” as it means nothing at all and is just your mind playing tricks on you...there is no reason whatsoever to think anything will go wrong this time round, so please be kind to yourself and just take it one day at a time. I truly understand how you are feeling and wish I could give you a big hug! I hope you’re able to relax and enjoy your Christmas. Big big virtual hugs xx

Ps if the tests are positive, please don’t worry about the dye strength increasing as it doesn’t mean a thing!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and I am so sorry to hear of your previous losses. it really puts my mind at ease that it's not just me that has felt this way and therefore it's not necessarily a bad "omen" but more me protecting myself. I think you are so right about trying to protect myself. It's just such a minefield, pregnancy after loss. It's a whole other journey. I think day at a time is what I need to keep telling myself. Having a toddler is a great distraction! I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your 2 little ones, everything crossed I will be doing the same next year! xxx

I’ve read in various places that the dye varies on these tests, so you can’t read much into the darkness of a line.