Anyone's DH just being a knob?

[TinselPie]

Just that really. 9+2 and DH is being an arse.
Doesn't understand why I'm not doing anything, I'm exhausted and nauseous and I've not done much around the house, yes he's been doing the cooking and cleaning but he doesn't half go on about it.
He's just so offish with me, hasn't once asked if I'm ok, just moans about me missing work and me not doing anything. Barely has conversations with me, has started sitting on the other sofa, giving dog all the fuss and paying no attention to me. I snapped this morning and said he's making me feel really fucking lonely and he just spit back at me that he pays all the bills, does the cooking and cleaning so fuck off saying he's not there for me. Not everything is about who pays the bills??? Maybe I want a bit of emotional support?? Knob. Don't even want to be around him anymore.

Maybe he's just feeling left out? Men don't understand yes, but I think women should understand how man must feel, it's not all about them after all... you've got a looong way ahead of you so maybe it's just worth talking to him about it?

Yeah ok he might be struggling to adjust to the idea of fatherhood or whatever but he really sounds like he’s being a knob. What’s he being left out of? Feeling sick and exhausted all the time? Give me strength!

But yes, I agree that all you can do is try to talk to him about it.

but I think women should understand how man must feel, it's not all about them after all...

Really? I mean really?

The OP isnt talking about a bit of nausea. She is talking about nausea that keeps you off work. The sort of stuff you have when you have a bad D&V and you feel utterly crap.
If she had D&V p, would you say she needs to understand the poor guy because it’s so hard for him? I doubt it.

People, men and women, need to stop minimising how hard pregnancy can be on the ground ‘it’s a normal, natural thing to happen therefore it can’t be bad and you should just get mn with things’.

OP yes is being a twat. My best explanation is to say that it’s like having a very bad bug, D&V bug, for weeks. How does he think he would feel? Etc.. and hope he sees the light and steps up.

FWIW when you are feeling abit better, I would have a very rank and clear conversation about what will happen AFTER the birth. Because it sounds as if he thinks that him working is enoughand he should t be doing anything else. I suspect he will be just as unjhelpful after the birth if he is left to his own device. Taking about what he will need to do, support he needs to give in very clear and specific terms might help preventing that.

Yes, he's being a total knob.

From many Mumsnet threads it seems there is a particular type of (unpleasant and possibly abusive) man whose behaviour worsens significantly once their partner is pregnant - they feel they've got you trapped then and can show their true colours a bit more. Obviously this won't necessarily be the case here, but keep your eyes open.

Yes, he is being an asshole. There's no need to get shitty and ignore you.

My DH was shocked how tired I was and jokingly said I was milking it once or twice but was doing everything - the cleaning, cooking, walking the dog. His mum heard this and explained to him how tiring the first trimester is and to be careful I didn't take him seriously. I think he has probably been a bit miffed on one occasion, recently I have had SPD and didn't want to move so was saying oh can you get me this, get that, feed the dog...I was very thankful so he didn't say anything but he had had a long day himself.

Has your partner been to a midwife appointment with you? He might find it eye opening.

Tinselpie I could have written your post 30 odd weeks ago. Knob. Hahaha. I called mine a prick a few times. I was completely out for the count puking puking signed off and he had to do everything for a couple of weeks when it was really terrible around where you are now. And like you say he didn't half make a song and dance about it. And actually got annoyed at one point?! Knob! Haha

You poor thing it's so miserable. I'm on number 3 so you'd think he'd get it by now lol but no! I had to really lay it out and say 'you are going to have to do everything and suck it up. You might get a weak smile if you're lucky' and I also slept in the spare room for about 6 weeks. That seemed to really get the message across. It was grim though really. Its partly his history- not hugely caring sharing. I think some men do have this totally mistaken entitlement issue - sort of 50s throwback attitude or something. Of course I did point this out 🤣. Plus me just being so cross and having to lay it all out - sorry I'm busy making eyeballs right now etc

Draft in whatever help you can but I totally sympathise. Horrific. Last thing you need. knob!

He's just bought me my dinner on a tray and he is back to doing loads with the kids etc because I'm at the end and waddling. I think it takes them a while to realise what a big thing it is, and I just dont think they get how insanely exhausting it is in the first trimester.

Hang in there x

Many of them genuinely don't get it. You can't 'see' early pregnancy. I was told 'but you're not really pregnant yet, though'! You can imagine my response to that one 🤬

I'm on baby no. 2 and this has happened with both pregnancies. I'm now 18 weeks and he's downstairs with dd while I have a cuppa in bed. He's definitely done the lions share of the house stuff this week. I've cooked and that's about it. Not sure why he's suddenly changed but I am enjoying it!

I didn't get ms with my first but did with this one. Honestly, I had no idea how debilitating it can be until I experienced it.