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Original poster

I’m 4 days due to have my baby. I have social service involved and my boyfriend on dating apps.

23 replies

xkxx · 20/12/2018 06:04

I’ve been with my partner a bit over 3 years.
I have no friends or family near by to leave and I have social service involved who are going court to put me in a mum and baby placement when my baby born because of my partner passed.
I would move away so I never had to go court but I have literally no where to go.
My partner is on dating apps and I feel so stupid because this isn’t the first time, getting pregnant wasn’t the plan but it happened and I’m excited to meet my little man.
This is going to sound incredibly sad but I made up a fake account on a dating account and this isn’t first time I’ve done this just to catch him out.
First time he done it he said it was probably his ex doing it because he ex hates him. I let that go, then I done it again and he told me it was his friend doing it for him (with his picture but fake name) because he knew I was going to be on there to catch him out and I done it this last time and he don’t no it is me and I’m scared to say anything to him incase he wants me out and I have no where to go.
He says he loves me and wouldn’t do it again and wants to work with the social so we can have our family but I have no trust in what he says anymore that’s why I keep looking for stuff.
He gets angry with me when I find out and says I am always digging for stuff to make him look bad, but if he didn’t do nothing there wouldn’t be nothing to dig for.
I’m so scared I’m due to have my baby on Christmas Eve, feels like my family been ripped apart already and I just no I’m going to be feeling worse on Christmas because of him and I’m going to be alone on Christmas and I’m terrified of looking after this baby on my own under the eyes in social service.
He said he would still be with me even when I leave to go into a mum and baby placement but he already looking for new woman and this is killing me.
I just wish I had somewhere to go or I wish I new what to do.

OP posts:
puguin86 · 20/12/2018 06:11

Honestly OP you are better off without him. This is one of the most vulnerable times in your life. You don't need this fear. I take it SS agree he's not good either if that is why they are involved

Original poster
xkxx · 20/12/2018 06:20

@puguin86 yes they agree.
I don't no where else I'm ment to go, until my little boy is born and I know that's only 4 days away but it could be longer and I am so sick of feeling this way.

OP posts:
puguin86 · 20/12/2018 06:23

Will SS not help you find somewhere else to live after the mother and baby placement. The place u live now. Whose name is it rented in ??

Original poster
xkxx · 20/12/2018 07:11

@puguin86 I'm not sure, I'm scared to ask incase they can use it against me.
Rents in my partners name.

OP posts:
DeepanKrispanEven · 20/12/2018 07:19

Social services definitely wouldn't use that against you - in fact it would be a big point in your favour. Talk to them about it today.

Undercoverbanana · 20/12/2018 07:24

Sorry - I’m confused. You say your partner has passed, but that your partner is on dating apps. Please confirm.

silkpyjamasallday · 20/12/2018 07:25

In all likelihood if you show SS you have left this guy (and I really think you should) they will arrange housing for you and your dc a fair distance away from him after a little while in a mum and baby unit. This happened to my friend with an abusive partner during her pregnancy, now she is a very very happy single mum in her own house with her little boy. But she had to prove to SS that the dad wasn't going to be around in order to get this.

glamorousgrandmother · 20/12/2018 07:27

I think she means "his past'.

OP I think you would be better off letting SS help you. You need to get away from this man.

Stormwhale · 20/12/2018 07:28

I think if social services are moving you to a mother and baby unit to get you away from your partner, you need to stop contact with him when you move. If not you may find they start saying they will take your little boy. Social services need to see that you will do anything to keep him safe and give him a happy home.

I think you need to accept that this relationship is over, and start planning your future with your ds. You will meet mums in similar situations to you in the mother and baby unit and won't feel so alone. It is one of the best parts of the place, you can build friendships and support each other.

mortifiedmama · 20/12/2018 14:00

I would move away so I never had to go court but I have literally no where to go

This wouldn't stop court. It might stop you being placed in a mother and baby unit but it would likely still go to court.

Is being in a mother and baby unit that bad? It gets you away from your loser of a boyfriend (and he is a clearly a loser), gives you support when you don't have another network and they will also then help you move on to independence. Sounds like a winner to me.

Dvg · 21/12/2018 11:22

Sorry but I think you need to accept the help they offer. I understand it's scary but the ss obviously see it as nessesary. Baby's don't deserve to be brought up in a troubled home and that includes with cheating parents. I would do whatever you could to ensure your baby doesn't grow up thinking that behaviour is normal.

titchy · 21/12/2018 11:42

Why are social services involved? Hint - SS don't get involved just because one parent shags around. Is he violent? Most of your post is about him on dating apps and how you've found out. There is nothing around wanting to protect or keep your baby.

If he's violent you need to call the police an women's aid. Hopefully if social services place you, and you can make sensible moves to get away from this man and recognise the risk and need to keep your baby safe you will be able to keep the baby.

Original poster
xkxx · 22/12/2018 10:38

@DeepanKrispanEven @silkpyjamasallday
I tried contacting the ss and she was out of office I think she is off till after the new year, so I don't no what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
xkxx · 22/12/2018 10:39

@Undercoverbanana
I ment past. Sorry.

OP posts:
Original poster
xkxx · 22/12/2018 10:46

@Stormwhale
I honestly wouldn't mind going into a mum and baby placement it just won't happen until my son is born.
I've tried contact my sw through the week And she off. I'm due to have my baby Christmas Eve and I think I got a place to stay on the 24th if I don't have him but we had a argument about stuff and he saying he wants me out. I do realise it isn't right to bring my baby up in a negative place and I do not want that for him and I'm happy to stop contacting him after my son is here. Just I really don't no what to do for now. I know Christmas Eve isn't long but it feels like it when I'm stuck here and how knows my little one might not want to come yet so it could be longer.

OP posts:
Original poster
xkxx · 22/12/2018 10:47

@mortifiedmama
I'm scared to go into one I cant deny that but it would be better then staying where I am right now but that doesn't happen until my son is here.

OP posts:
Original poster
xkxx · 22/12/2018 10:50

@Dvg
I'm going to make sure he doesn't grow up thinking his father behaviour is normal.
The baby's dad is now refusing to admit he is the father to him after we had a argument last night, telling my friends he is not the father of our son.
I know it going to be hard for me to go into a mum and baby unit but I know it is for the best but I can't go into one until my son is born that's only few days away but he could come late and I'm so sick of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
xkxx · 22/12/2018 10:52

@titchy
Social service told me he has a violent past, he has never been violent to me but to other people he has.
Of course I wanna protect my son, just I feel like I can not do nothing until he is born.

OP posts:
BrokenLink · 22/12/2018 10:54

As hard as it may be to accept, your partner is a massive problem that you and the baby need to be rid of. Social services can help you. If you need urgent help ask to speak to the duty social worker. Have you asked if you can be placed in a mother and baby unit nearer to your family? This might be possible. Have you spoken to your GP about your low mood? With the right treatment you could feel much better. You still have the chance of a great future for you and your son. Accept the professional help and things will slowly improve Flowers.

MaderiaCycle · 22/12/2018 11:00

Call the duty number and tell them your SW is off but you need help. Good luck OP

Madwomanuptheroad · 22/12/2018 11:02

He may not (yet) have been physically violent to you, however he is clearly abusive. Saying the child is not his, continually putting you down by going on dating apps etc is abusive behaviour.
If social services are putting you into a mother baby placement it means you need to make a choice between your partner and your baby or you are risking loosing your baby.
Have you considered going into a women's aid refuge until you have your baby? You will have support and company of other women while you wait for the birth. You can just contact them yourself. It is a safe space. Do not allow your partner near birth or hospital. Women's aid will help you to sort all that out. Baby may well come later than due date.

glamorousgrandmother · 22/12/2018 19:21

Good advice on here. I wish you and your baby all the best. I think you should contact a women's refuge now.

gimmeadoughnut123 · 22/12/2018 19:23

Call the duty number and explain you need some help. There will be other workers around.
They will want to see you working to protect your baby and care for them. That's main thing.

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