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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Major Breastfeeding Concerns

21 replies

VixenAndCub · 18/12/2018 22:37

If you sore my previous thread about my very painful nipples - no, this isn't about that.

My midwife, my Mum and my friends with children have been bombarding me with breastfeeding tips, pros and cons and basically telling me its the best thing in the world. But instead, society has killed the idea for me.

The way society acts, breastfeeding women are disgusting. Breasts are sexual objects and aren't for babies. It always bothers me that women can't use them for what they're for in public without getting looks or even kicked out of establishments (despite law being on the womans side) but... I can't help but feel that I personally can't do it.

I'm terrified someone will kick me out of a cafe, or make me feed my baby in a toilet because I'm unsightly. Naturally, I'd cover up with a blanket - but in the hot weather that's not healthy.

I can't shake the idea that it's sexual... I think about breastfeeding my baby and I grimace because despite the logical part of my brain telling me its rubbish and of course isn't sexual - the other part that's affected by society is overwhelmed by the feeling of how...gross me specifically breastfeeding would be.

I feel better pumping and bottle feeding, but still providing my milk (this will help my partner take on some of the feeding and help him bond more). But then that dream got shattered because I've heard it's incredibly difficult to pump.

I have no idea why I feel so disturbed by my own breastfeeding, yet I have no issues if women do it around me...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AvoidingMarking · 18/12/2018 22:40

Fed my first for 20 months and never had any negative comments or dramas feeding in public. Don't know anyone else who has either

MollyHuaCha · 18/12/2018 22:48

I think you're overthinking. See how you feel when baby arrives.

If you want to BF, your midwife team can help you get started.

FF supplies are easily bought in just a few minutes if you decide BF isn't for you.

Good luck.

littlecabbage · 18/12/2018 22:50

I have breastfed four children. Never had a single negative comment, or even a negative look. You can be discreet using a giant muslin in summer.

Therighthonourable · 18/12/2018 22:58

"The way society acts, breastfeeding women are disgusting. Breasts are sexual objects and aren't for babies. It always bothers me that women can't use them for what they're for in public without getting looks or even kicked out of establishments (despite law being on the womans side) but... I can't help but feel that I personally can't do it".

A very small minority might think like that. The Majority don't.

I breastfeed for 14 months and never had one single negative comment. In fact, I dont think any member of the public ever spoke to me regarding my feeding child.

The media love to make something out of nothing and most of the time, stories of women "not being allowed to breastfeed in a certain setting it location" is nothing to do with the actual feeding and is more to do with someone trying to use their breastfeeding as a "get out of following the rules" clause. The breastfeeding is almost never the root cause of the problem.

I was very nervous at first, used to go back to my car to feed but I soon realised that people do not give a shit so why do I care?

Do what you want but don't base your expectations on exceptions.

emma911030 · 18/12/2018 23:01

I can understand what you mean @VixenAndCub. Especially with regards to the sexual objects part, my partner always used to touch my breasts but now I'm wanting to try breastfeeding when my little one arrives I can't stand him touching me cause it makes me feel like it's wrong to want to try and feed my baby with these things that get touched etc when we're getting intimate. Literally makes me feel like I can't do it cause I'll just think it's wrong that I have a baby hanging off my boob ☹️ x

newtlover · 18/12/2018 23:05

again, I have err....about 5 years bf experience altogether and never experienced anything negative from strangers or people I knew....expressing and then feeding with a bottle would be a terrible faff, you would have all the inconvenience of bottle feeding plus the inconvenience of expressing (which some women find easy, but not all)
I'd suggest, if you can, hang out with some normal mums who are just getting on with bf without loads of fuss....

Hermano · 18/12/2018 23:06

I fed two to 18 months, gave my little boy his last ever breastfeed today actually.

I think someone might have given me a dirty look once, but I'm not sure as I didn't pay attention to them. I've had a handful of nice comments about 'baby looks so happy', 'well done you', but to be honest most people ignored it.

I never managed to feed discretely, two wriggly babies and two huge boobs made that impossible.

The first time in public, the first five in a bus, the first time in a church, the first time in front of x y z person was always slightly daunting but it all became very normal very quickly.

Good luck starting off bf in the privacy of your own home, and see how you go. If you don't manage beyond a week or two not the end of the world. If you do manage more then great - cheap and easy and probably has health benefits.

(I'm a huge bf fan who thinks it has huge health benefits as well as being free, enabling me to eat loads, and being easy and snuggly, but I'm very aware not everyone agrees with all these points. However the cost and ease if you can make it work are undebatable)

KoshaMangsho · 18/12/2018 23:06

Breastfed two kids for over a year. Travelled long haul and breastfed. Never got a second glance or a comment.

newtlover · 18/12/2018 23:08

hmmm but think of other parts of your body that have more than one use-
eg- your mouth- principally for eating and breathing, also talking, but also can be used for sexual purposes
you wouldn't think OMG I can't possibly use my mouth for eating when I've also used it for (insert sexual activity here)

spugzbunny · 18/12/2018 23:10

It's totally normal to feel like that. When I was pregnant I couldn't shake the feeling that my boobs were sexual and I was really weirded out by having a child sucking on them. Turns out it's a total none issue! You won't even think like that when you are breastfeeding.

As for how society treats breastfeeding mums. Honestly it's so over blown in my opinion. I've been breastfeeding for 10 months and I've not had a single comment. I never cover up with a blanket but I do usually wear something I can feed discretely in - new look does amazing dresses that have like a horizontal flap!

How many women have you seen breastfeeding in your life? I'm willing to bet it's not many. It's not because they aren't doing it though - it's because on the whole it's very subtle and you just don't notice!

My best recommendation is to go to a breastfeeding support group within a week or two of giving birth. Make it your first trip out on your own! It was invaluable to me in the early weeks and helped me understand what was normal!

snuggledonthesofa · 18/12/2018 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsScamander · 18/12/2018 23:24

Fed both DDs for 6 months and 10 months (ongoing) and I've never received any nasty comments, been kicked out of anywhere, had anyone stare (to my knowledge) and I'll feed anywhere I can sit down.

When youngest DD was younger and needed feeding constantly I would do it wherever and actually received many lovely comments from people.

Please don't let fear of judgement put you off breastfeeding if you'd like to give it a try!

brookshelley · 19/12/2018 01:51

I've never had a negative comment, BF two children beyond 12m each. Trust me - you will be more concerned about meeting your baby's needs than about what random people have to say.

Your partner doesn't need to give a bottle to bond with your baby, that's ridiculous. He can bond changing a nappy or giving a bath just as easily. You may also find that your baby will not take a bottle from you or if you are in the room, because they are smart and sometimes hold out for the fresh one!

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/12/2018 02:02

I've breastfed for more than 3 years in total and have never had a single comment or funny look. Only lots of help and kind words.

If you've never done it before it is an odd thing the first time you do it, then very quickly it becomes just feeding your baby, and totally uninteresting and normal.

100% expressing and bottle feeding is knackering hard work and I would only suggest it if you really didn't have any other alternative.

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/12/2018 02:04

Oh and you don't need to cover up with a blanket (!). A vest top under a normal top and you can feed a baby with nothing at all on view. You can keep a muslin handy to cover if the baby decides to unlatch, that's all you need to do.

babydreamer1 · 19/12/2018 02:37

I've been breastfeeding for 12 weeks now and had a couple of stares and one stupid waitress who was severely reprimanded by management for offering me a toilet to feed my child. Most people and places are great with it. Get a babychic nursing cover for when you want a little privacy, they are wired to stick out at the neck so you can have eye contact with baby and they won't get too hot. It's no where near as bad as your making out and you would never get thrown out! Your baby is way more important than random strangers. As an aside it takes me an hour to pump an oz with the medela swing electric pump so not an option for me!

AmazingGrace16 · 19/12/2018 02:55

I've been feeding for 4 years. Never covered up and never had bad comments.
Over the last 2 months I've had my fussy newborn out and about and fed everywhere. I don't cover up as its too much faff and baby hates it.
They are only boobs.

PirateWeasel · 19/12/2018 03:07

Not only have I never had a negative comment, I've actually had people come up to me and congratulate me for being brave and setting an example! Anyone who criticizes a breastfeeding mum is weird, not the other way round.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 19/12/2018 03:46

I’ve breastfed two to 18 months. You don’t tend to do it outside of the home after 5/6 months as baby only needs a few feeds by then.

You will not think it’s sexual once you’ve had baby (youll not think anything is post birth ) - hormones kick in and it feels the most natural thing to do

It’s such a nice thing to do to bond with your child and give them everything you have

spoon19996 · 19/12/2018 04:45

I felt like this and said the same thing about pumping then feeding from a bottle. I never did just fed straight from the boob haha. It passes as soon as you have your baby and your instincts make you want to. I did not care how grossed out people got at all. I breastfed for a year and now it's been 6 months with my second baby and I care been less.

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 19/12/2018 05:19

I've never had a negative comment about feeding. With my first I took a couple of weeks at home to get used to it and establish feeding but after that there was no stopping me. I fed anywhere I was with baby.

The vast majority of people in this world couldn't care less how you are feeding your child. They just want to see the gorgeous baby!

When my daughter was born she actually wiggled herself up to feed for the first time. That was the only weird thing about the whole process. I hadn't expected that.

See how you feel after birth and leave yourself open. Everything feels different afterwards. If you're open to all options that's probably best. Pressurising yourself into a corner before baby is here is the single Biggest source of tension I've seen in all my parent friends.

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