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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Giving birth alone

22 replies

Emsie11 · 18/12/2018 19:38

Hi So I have two children from a previous relationship. I’ve been seeing a guy for the past two years. I am 41.
We’ve just found out I’m pregnant. He’s decided straight away he doesn’t want it. I don’t think I can go through with abortion.
Has anyone on here ever given birth alone? If so how was it ?

OP posts:

jessstan2 · 18/12/2018 20:01

Why can't you go through abortion? You're 41 and already have two children whom I presume are well past the baby stage. Do you really want to go through all that again at your age - alone - because of sentiment?

I feel for you, it's hard but your boyfriend has no commitment to you or the baby.

AssassinatedBeauty · 18/12/2018 20:03

Do you mean actually giving birth without a birthing partner? Is there no way you could have someone else be a birth partner?

Sparrowlegs248 · 18/12/2018 20:06

I haven't given birth alone, but spent sone of my labour alone. It was fine, but I was very well liked after and medically needed constant supervision so no real time on my own. My (stbx)H arrived after he'd finished work, had a bath, ate dinner, made some packed lunch..... of course it's hard to say as he was actually there but I really didn't notice him at that stage.

Have you got a friend or other family member for support. I have few good friends but 2 did offer to be with me which was lovely of them.

Original poster

Emsie11 · 18/12/2018 20:06

I’ve got no one that I’m that close too.
My youngest is 3

OP posts:

Wellonlyifihaveto · 18/12/2018 20:11

Jessstan2 wow that’s such a helpful response do u have other support op? Having a child at 41 is practically normal nowadays
If you feel you can go it alone both mentally and financially then go for it. Take the time if you can to consider all options and do what’s right for YOU not anyone else. Good luck

redsky21 · 18/12/2018 20:16

I've given birth alone twice. It was fine, really. Obviously I don't know any different but I didn't at any point wish i had a partner there with me.

AssassinatedBeauty · 18/12/2018 20:17

Would you consider a doula? They can be fairly reasonable if you get a trainee one?

FinallyFree123456789 · 18/12/2018 20:19

I haven't given birth alone; I had my mum; however, my best friend has just qualified as a mid-wife .... while she was on rotation a lady came in alone to give birth; she begun active labour while my friend was on shift and she stayed with her the whole way through so she wasn't alone (obviously there was a qualified midwife there too) but she stayed to make sure the lady had someone for support.

Do you have any friends that you could ask?
Do you want your baby? Is this the only thing worrying you?

^ not judging you at all btw x

madcatladyforever · 18/12/2018 20:27

I chose to give birth alone because I find other people are a distraction when I am in pain and I prefer to deal with difficult situations alone.
At any rate I wasn't alone I was giving birth to my precious child and I wanted it to be all about just me and him.
Given my time again I wish it had been just him and me at home that would have been great.

Bellatrix14 · 18/12/2018 20:27

I feel for you, it's hard but your boyfriend has no commitment to you or the baby.

@jessstan2 Do you mean he has no commitment in that he’s showing his obviously lack of commitment/interest, or that you feel he doesn’t need to have any commitment?

I’m sorry, I can’t be much help OP in that I don’t have children of my own. My mum kept me after my biological ‘father’ wasn’t interested, but she married my step father (who as far as I’m concerned is my dad) when I was three, so it was easier for her. I hope people are able to give you some good advice.

captainshortie · 18/12/2018 20:36

@jessstan2 'Well past the baby stage' ..... and?
I know lots of people who have a big age gap between kids. Theres 11 years between me and my brother and 10 between me and my sister.
I know people with ranging from a 5 to a 13 year age gap between siblings....
Well past the baby stage has nothing to do with it.
Plus alot of women are choosing to have babies later, its probably more common than teenage pregnancies now IMO.

ImNotBusyImLazy · 18/12/2018 20:42

@Jessstan2 are you the boyfriend?

Paddy1234 · 18/12/2018 20:45

I have given birth alone - actually the midwives prefer not to have men in the room
Both good experiences

lilmishap · 18/12/2018 20:55

I have. I had pretty emotional moments that were horrid after she was born(why are we alone, You deserve better etc) but I only remember them if I try.
The actual labour and delivery was as good as being in pain can be, midwives are fricking awesome.

knittedjest · 18/12/2018 20:57

I gave birth to my oldest alone at 17. Illegally drove myself to the hospital in Dd's fathers car after leaving him a note on the fridge to tell him I was going to the hospital and would call him in a couple of hours(lol, try 17 hours) when I was done. Probably not the best thought out plan but as someone who likes to be alone when sick or in pain to lick my own wounds in private it was a good experience.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 18/12/2018 21:12

I had dd2 alone. I would change it for the world. My bond with dd2 is stronger and she is utterly loyal to me. God I love her

anniehm · 18/12/2018 21:38

I had my Mimas dh was inconveniently working overseas, the hospital offered me a volunteer birth partner before I told them my mum could come. That said I was fine on my own really - and there's now mobile phones, a luxury I didn't have

3boysandabump · 18/12/2018 21:43

I've had my husband there when I've had all of mine but only because he wanted to be there not because he was any use.
I think it depends on the person I'm the type that just wants everyone to Sod off and leave me alone when I'm in pain but others like people to chat to them etc

WhippettyWeekend · 18/12/2018 21:44

I went through the pushing stage alone and am glad I did so. I would do the same again. I am quite a self conscious person but also just wanted to focus, so wanted it to be just me and the midwives (and, as it turned out, also a fleet of doctors!). I would have gone through it all alone but a good friend offered to be there and i took her up on it. I had to be in hospital throughout early labour and was glad of the company, but she would leave the room for examinations etc and waited outside at the end. Might there be someone who you’d feel comfortable doing similar with?

How did your other two births go?

As has been suggested here, a doula could be worth it if you can afford one.

Good luck, OP

Original poster

Emsie11 · 18/12/2018 21:54

Thank you everyone for taking the time to post
Messages.
I’m feeling better about things now.
My ex was actually useless at my previous births
They were also very fast I’m thinking home birth actually this time.
Now I just need to make it to 16 weeks and see baby
Is healthy. I’m 5 weeks x

OP posts:

Angelmiracle · 19/12/2018 00:26

Congratulations!! You can do this. You certainly can do it without a birth partner. You'll have all the medical help you need. My aunt gave birth to all 7 children on her own everytime! She actually recommended it to me lol. And if you can get a homebirth even better xx

StarlightIntheNight · 19/12/2018 11:22

@jessstan2, geez, what kind of response is that? Like the others have said, many have big gaps. Just because you are passed the baby stage means nothing. Some people do want to do it again. We are going for a third precisely for that reason. My youngest is 5 and we are not ready to be passed the baby stage. Also, loads of people have babies in the 40s these days. I am 35, but know loads who have had babies in early 40s.

To the poster, congratulations on your pregnancy. If you really want the baby, you can make it work. I believe where there is a will there is a way.

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