Breast feeding - beginners questions

[xxromanaxx]

Hi,

I’m expecting my first child in April and am determined to breast feed or at least give it a good attempt.

The questions I have are more around expressing and breast pumps. I’d quite like to express some milk and have a small frozen store so that my husband can feed him intermittently - I just feel it will really help my husband as we’ve gone through a rough IVF process throughout which he has felt very helpless. I’d like for him to be as involved as possible in this incredible part of our lives.

But is there such a thing as casual expressing? All the videos I’ve watched surrounding this topic, have people expressing every 3 hours over a 24 hour period to build up and keep up their milk supply. Perhaps it’s selfish, but I don’t want to be expressing in the late of night or early morning. Would it be possible to express effectively if I only do it 3-4 times during the day?

Also, when do you express? Is it between feeds? I’d hate to drain myself and not have enough for the baby - it seems counter intuitive.

Someone mentioned that the haakaa pump is quite useful as you can attach it to the opposite breast whilst the baby is feeding and catch the let down so it’s not wasted. I’ve heard this is only a small amount but perhaps enough for what I need? In which case I’m assuming I wouldn’t need a battery or mains powered pump.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

I second the haaka. I get a lot of milk off which I either freeze (to allow me a. Iggy out in the future!) Or that my husband gives by bottle in an evening. Wait until breastfeeding is established to try a bottle (5-6 weeks).

I honestly would try a bottle earlier than 5-6 weeks, maybe 2 weeks. I know people whose babies refused at 6 weeks. The earlier you introduce it the better IMO (anecdotally nipple confusion doesn't appear to be an issue, almost everyone I know has fed a bottle very early with no issues)

My son is 14 weeks and after 2 weeks in a Neonatal Unit we have had quite a difficult breast feeding journey so far (still using nipple shields for all feeds as he has never been able to latch properly and probably never will now). I was able to express lots in the NNU but since coming home it has been very difficult to express as much as I would like to. I express in the middle of the night whilst his dad gives him a bottle of expressed milk. This is the best time for me in terms of output. I also try and express after the first feed in the morning if he will go down for a nap. He is a clingy baby and isn't often content to entertain himself for a while so I really struggle to express much more than this as I can't put him down without crying. Because of the difficulties we have had I often wish o could just exclusively express for him but realistically I wouldn't be able to do this as frequently as needed. Also, my output varies greatly despite renting a hospital grade Medela pump. It's so disheartening when you spend ages trying to pump and don't get much out. I frequently get painful blockages too (I think the nipple shields might make draining my breasts difficult). So we are persevering but it's hard some days. Not trying to give you a negative view, just thought I would share my experience that my son dictates how often I can express (and what time). Everyone is different though and I'm sure you'll find a way that works for you.

*night

Everyone, thanks for your messages. I have been reading along with much interest at the differing experiences.

I think my plan is to buy the haakaa and try to express from the opposite breast whilst breast feeding for now. I’ll get 4-6 bottles, a tin of formula incase breastfeeding doesnt work out and see how I get on. If things go smoothly and I’m producing a lot, I may order the medela swing on amazon. I’m not going to be hard on myself if I don’t produce anything though.

By the way, I LOVE the idea of giving my husband bath time as his responsibility. He seemed very content with this idea, I might use that time to have my own bath and relax.

Lisa - no, just from me reading MN BF boards over (ten) years plus peer support - there are about as many panicked posts about bottle refusal from mums who've been giving a regular one vs occasional/never tried before.

Plus anecdotal from people I know IRL/through peer support who didn't give bottles early, yet had no issues with it later (you don't see people posting about their lack of issue on forums usually).

It does seem to be commonly accepted parlance that if you get them used to it they won't refuse/if you don't, they might, but I think this is an old wives' tale and simply confirmation bias, as most babies don't refuse bottles in general, so it's easy to think oh, mine didn't and it's because I gave them a bottle before but they probably wouldn't have anyway. While if you get a bottle refuser you'll look for a reason - so having not done it/not done it regularly enough whereas it might not be related to that at all.

However having googled to see if there was any research, I found that actually one reason they can refuse is because they lose the automatic reflex to suck when something is in their mouth at about 3 months, so it could be for some babies that they didn't learn how and don't have the reflex any more. So I take it back, it's probably not totally random - but since it's still possible for a baby who has a regular bottle to reject it, and possible for a baby who has never taken one to take it just fine, I still feel very strongly that parents should not be advised as a blanket thing to "get the baby used to" a bottle. If they want to give bottles, then fine, no problem at all, but if they don't it's a really unnecessarily complicating factor in early breastfeeding.

If that makes sense :)

LisaSimpson I've never met anyone with a baby who had a bottle before about six weeks that went off it,
We started bottle feeding at 3 weeks because my tounge tied baby couldn't get enough milk by himself. After the tounge tie was snipped I carried on expressing so my partner could feed and I got a block of sleep. Baby had a bottle every evening until 12weeks when he got a cold and has refused ever since.
OP I agree with the advice to get hakka / nature bond. I used the electric pump when I was expressing most of my baby's feeds, but it was such a bind. Needed one hand at all times, and two hands to use it comfortably, so I couldn't easily do anything else at the same time (e.g. hold my burpy baby). Also it's more fiddly to clean. Using nature bond on the other side when I feed is barely any extra effort at all.

I would get some ready-made rather than a tin if I were you, OP. My DD only ever had one formula feed. She was two days old and I was very upset and sleep deprived. She was just constantly crying and I was worried she wasn't getting any milk (it's actually totally normal for them to do this). My nipples were also horrendously sore (for some women it does hurt in the beginning, despite what they say). In desperation I sent DH to the shop and he came back with ready made ones. You don't want to be fannying around sterilising bottles for the first ever time when you're in that state. They're more expensive but will tide you over for a while if you do decide to go for formula.

For what it's worth, the vast majority of women are physically able to breastfeed. The stuff you read makes it seem like it's very common not to be able to, but our species wouldn't have lasted long enough to invent formula if we couldn't! Also, in places like Ghana over 98% of women successfully breastfeed. It's highly likely you'll be able to. It's not always easy, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm six months in now and it's been so worthwhile. I'm glad I did it. Good luck with your baby and with feeding.

I introduced a bottle at 9 months (went back to work) so it can be done!

Now pumping. I hate pumping. God how I hate it. In the early days I had to pump to try and get my supply up (baby lost too much weight and we ended up in hospital for a night), but he was a total velcro baby and my partner was in intensive care for the first month (long story) so I was trying to feed from one side, pump the other. It was stressful, and I would pump for half an hour and get almost nothing. That was with a fancy Medela double pump thing.

After his weight stopped being an issue I would pump after he went to sleep to try and build up a milk "bank" for when I went back to work. Then one night sleep deprived me left the freezer door open so that got rid of that idea.

Now I'm back at work I have a manual pump (the Medela again) and love it. Not the pumping, that's still a PITA, and I still don't get much milk out, just enough for one feed, sometimes that takes two sessions. The pump is excellent though, highly recommend. They say how much you're able to pump isn't indicative of how much the baby can get out. I think that's probably true in my experience.

General breastfeeding advice - young babies like to cluster feed in the evenings. Get yourself a book, light a candle, make a little sofa nest and just let them go at it. Older babies like to feed from one side and tweak your other nipple like they're tuning a radio. You get used to it.

Lanolin is your friend.

Breastfeeding is harder than I thought it would be, and I know my partner feels left out a lot, but it is so rewarding and my little one is absolutely thriving. Even with all the hiccups we had I'm so glad I didn't give up.

Oh and just to add - I agree with the above poster, almost everyone can successfully breastfeed if they really want to. You should see if there's a La Leche League in your local area. The one by me are incredibly lovely and helpful.

I expressed after every daytime feed with DC2, mainly to build supply because I hadn't had a very successful time feeding DC1. I did 5-10 minutes per breast with an electric pump - can't remember the name now - and managed to get enough to fill a few bags in the freezer. I tried a hand pump but I got much more from the electric pump. Of course, DC2 then completely refused to take bottle, even though we started trying at 2 weeks.

And yes, lansinoh is your friend in myths early days, put it on before and after every feed to help prevent nipple trauma from getting established. My DH does more bath times than I do and he loves it!

I completely agree about concentrating your thoughts away from expressing. My reasons for this are that some women find it so difficult it’s impossible for them, plus your DH can get himself involved with lots of cuddles, bathing, changing and playing. He doesn’t have to feed to feel involved.

Concentrate instead on frequent feeding, so you and baby can learn how to breastfeed. This will also build up your milk supply. Try and put baby to the breast as soon as he’s born.

Massive congratulations on your pregnancy.

As others have said the vast majority of women who are determined, will be able to breastfeed. Good luck.

That makes perfect sense, Bertie and I largely agree - as I said I definitely wouldn't have bothered if I wasn't going back to work quite early, and maybe in hindsight it wasn't worth it even then (I also think for me personally - I'm not saying this for anyone else, just me - I should have been more relaxed about it not being breastmilk in the bottles, as sometimes using formula would have made it much easier). I also was lucky and found establishing breastfeeding easy - the calculation about how 'worth it' it was would doubtless feel different if I hadn't, as you're clearly right that further complicating things if breastfeeding is fraught is a bad idea.

Bonus of giving a bottle is you get some good quality guaranteed sleep! If I hadn't had that I might have thrown in the towel on bf. It also means you can have a night off occasionally. You could give formula instead of expressed milk.

I beg to differ. A bottle of milk did nothing to length of time my DD slept!

I'd recommend signing him up for this online course (it's £5.99) - it will help him see how important he can be to his baby by "mothering the mother", he doesn't have to give the baby a bottle to feel connected and useful.

Might help to add the link: courses.abm.support/courses/course_category/partner-module/

Festivenut same here but it is one feed I don't have to do, so I can sleep.

Anecdotally formula seems to conk babies out if you aren't hung up on ebf!

I couldn't sleep past a feed because my breasts would be overflowing with milk. I don't think this is unusual.

I will admit that I had a tiny hope that when we switched to making the daily bottle formula (it's always the evening feed because that's the only one DH is consistently home for) he would magically sleep better. It has, however, made no difference at all. Which I should have known really, as I know some people with formula fed babies who are terrible sleepers. It is, after all, just cow's milk and vitamins, not a magic sleeping potion!

My boobs adjusted. They leak al l the time anyway, after the 4 am feed I wake up at 7 am swimming breastmilk. Its not nice at all! Almost everyone I know who gives formula has a better peiod of sleep after, I auppose as it is bharder to digest. That's why bfing protects against sids, babies are in a lighter sleep