Greif in pregnancy

[mothertobe789]

I am due my first baby in January, a baby girl. When I found out I was pregnant and all the way through my pregnancy I was so happy and excited, something I have wanted since I was a kid myself. My husband and parents felt the same.
In October my dad ended up in hospital, he got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and just a week later he passed away, he was only 62.
It's been 7 and a half weeks since he passed and I feel as though my life has been shattered. The baby is due in five weeks and I am still so glad but I can't feel happy about anything right now, I just feel heartbroken.
I feel guilty that the birth of my baby may be overshadowed by my grief and I want to be able to give her the best start in life.
Feel so bad that my dad won't be here to meet her.
Has anyone else been in a similar position and can give some advice?

Hi!

I couldn't read this message and not reply.

My dad died when I was pregnant - I gave my birth to my son 7 weeks after my Dad died.

It's horrible. I remember people asking me what I had prepared for the baby - but I didn't have the headspace for it until about 2 weeks before he was born.

And this sounds like it's from a cheesey rom-com - but it's amazing how having a new baby in the family helps the grief. We were so sad about my Dad but my son joined us and he helped us smile a bit more.

Good luck. It's a horrible time losing a parent - it's even harder when you think about who your dad isn't going to meet. But your baby will bring smiles even when everyone feels low xxxxxxx

Thank you so much for your reply - I'm sorry you have experienced this too. Your message has made me feel a bit better and I really hope my baby will bring us all joy that we so need right now x

I am a baby born out of grief, OP. My Mum & Dad decided to have another child when he was diagnosed with cancer at 32. He died 4 months before I was born and my Mum says I am the only thing that kept her going and I know that I was a huge source of comfort & happiness for everyone who knew him. It’s been incredibly hard for all of us, but I can honestly say that it’s made our family so strong. My DH always says we’re so weird because we never argue about anything and get on so well.
I’m so sorry about your Dad OP, but just keep going. You’ll get through this and your baby will bring joy back into your life at this sad time x

I totally understand this op as my mum died suddenly when I had about 5 weeks left to go with my first baby. It was the worst time but the only thing that got me through was looking forward to the birth, what I will say though is I didn't get a chance to properly grieve for my mum as I was so busy with the baby. And this has been something that's affected me for years after. You

You will get through it op 

My mum died when my sister was pregnant. It was a shock, dsis was grief-stricken, started smoking again, hardly eating etcetc.

My Neice is a gorgeous, bright and happy 22year old, loved by all of us, a real blessing to the family and she has my mums middle name.

What you are going through is very sad and very horrible, but please don’t worry that it will affect your baby. Your doing the very best you can and that’s what the baby will thrive on.

Hi I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum was diagnosed with cancer in the summer and we found out it was terminal in September. My baby was due in early November. We hoped that she would get to meet him and spend some time with him but unfortunately she passed away a week before he was born. The whole family was very excited about the new baby, especially my mum. Like you, I'm so sad and angry that she never got to meet him. It seems horribly unfair.

I had quite a stressful, high risk pregnancy and felt guilty that I couldn't spend as much time with mum as I'd have liked. My parents live 3hrs away so I had to arrange visits between ante natal appointments (which I had most weeks) and looking after my older son. I spent a lot of my late pregnancy driving there and back, which I worried might have negative effects on the baby. It felt like I was torn between putting myself and baby first or my mum. I know she didn't see it like that but I felt very guilty that I couldn't be there more.

It might not feel like it now but I agree with pp, having a new baby really did help keep everyone's spirits up and caring for him has helped me to keep going. It was hard - people were giving me sympathy cards and new baby cards at the same time - and I will always feel sad that mum won't be in his life, but he has given me so much joy and given my whole family something positive to focus on.
Xx

Yes. I lost my mum when I was pregnant this year.

Heart breaking.same age as your dad.

Having a new baby has meant I havent been able to stop and just sink but its hard. At times I feel happy then guilty. It will give you a new focus but take things slowly your hormones dont help.

Each day as it comes. Allow yourself to smile. Allow yourself to be sad.

Xxx

I'm so sorry that so many people have been in similar situations. Life can be very cruel. Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice, it's nice to know that there can be some light at the end of the tunnel. Xxx

So sorry for your loss. My mother died shortly before my eldest was born. I was told to take comfort from the fact that she had been able to see me happily married and expecting a family of my own etc. After a while I realised that in that context her death was quite peaceful in that she didn’t have to worry about leaving me behind so it was comforting in a way. I wish you the best