My mum is driving me fucking nuts!

[Iswallowtoothpaste]

I have a high BMI. I know it’s not ideal whilst pregnant and I should’ve lost weight before attempting to conceive again.

Had a really crappy couple of years as far as TTC goes. Lost a load of weight, managed to conceive and then lost the baby a couple of days before Xmas 2015. That was a real blow and I steadily started putting the weight back on. It took us almost 2.5 years to conceive again (after losing 3 stones) only to lose that baby at 9+3 weeks (MMC).
Again, I started to put the weight back on. We weren’t using any contraception but didn’t think that it would happen as quickly as it did.

I didn’t tell my mum until I was 14 weeks gone as she had blamed my last two miscarriages on my weight.

Had just this morning told her how I’ve had a couple of bleeds with this pregnancy (thanks to a sensitive cervix) to be told by her that it’s weight related!!!!!! No it fucking isn’t!!

I’m sick and tired of being patronised, belittled and bullied about my weight. She cant help herself.

She’s critical about everything in my life, how clean my home is, how I bring DD up, the meals I cook, my weight. I know she’s ashamed of me, I know I’m an embarrassment to her. I can just see it in her face when she introduces me as her daughter. I feel like I can’t do anything right.

Myself and OH are farmers and we’re really busy at the moment. By the time I finally get into the house, get DD bathed, tea cooked, pots washed up, homework and washing put away all I want to do is go to bed, not start dusting, polishing, decluttering and hoovering. It’s really not on my list of priorities right now.

Anyway this afternoon OH has his nephew helping him around the farm so i get an afternoon ‘off’ to do some housework that I’ve been neglecting.

Stuck a film on for DD and got straight to it. Just scrubbing the bath and my mum comes around the corner having a blue fit over the fact that I’ve stuck DD in front of the TV (after being outside since 6am this morning).
I just can win, she bitches and whines about the house being a mess and when I finally get a free afternoon to sort it out, critisises me further! She’s actually taken DD for the afternoon so that she can do something ‘productive’ and not become a ‘screen demon’ (first time in months that she’s had her by the way)

Obviously this has helped me out greatly but why carry on about it?? She can see I’m up to my fucking eyeballs with everything. She could’ve come in and just said would you like me to take DD for the afternoon so that you can get on?

Arrrggghhhh and now instead of cleaning I’m on here having a massive rant so that I don’t spontaneously combust.

In fact I’ve just read all of that back and wondering how the actual fuck I’m overweight!!!? Just how!?!

Surely your mum should support you regardless. I'm overweight and of course, like you, you know it's better to be a healthy weight, but hey!

My mum has never mentioned my weight and the time I mentioned it to her she just said,'it'll get worse before it gets better so worried about it later '.

It would annoy me to be constantly criticised by someone, especially someone who should be there for you.

Xx

IMO talking it out would be one of the possible better choices in terms of dealing with your relationship with your mum, explain how she can help you look after DD and care for you during your pregnancy, and how belittling you just causes issues, and is really not appreciated, or you could maybe to get her to help out with the tasks around the house, or looking after DD, and doing it together, so she understands how much needs to be done and why letting DD have some screen time is helpful to you/sometimes necessary. Make it clear how you feel, show her your side of your situation and otherwise idk, kinda just throwing ideas out there, but all the best with your pregnancy, caring for DD and maintaining your relationship with your mum.

Reduce the time you have to listen to your Mum!!! Start being more assertive with her "can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all"!

You wouldn't tolerate that kind of talk from anyone else, her being your mum shouldn't be any different - if anything, being a close family member should mean she is even more sensitive with her words than other people would. Be clear to her how her behaviour negatively affects your health and your pregnancy, and that her role is about supporting your approach to raising your kids, not challenging it.

Sounds like her issues are with herself. Is she disappointed with how she has lived her life? She might be (in a wrong and roundabout way) trying to be living your life for you or expressing her own regrets...

Tell her to butt out. And that her comments make you upset and aren't helpful to you.

You've every right to be upset and we all need a rant now and then. I don't know what to say as I'm a lot more vocal with my mother if she's pushing my buttons and vice versa, our few tiffs are quickly resolved having said that my mum doesn't pick at me or my house like that, but you seem more tolerant. How did she react when you lost the weight, did she praise you for that? It sounds to me like she's just one of those abrupt, overly honest types who has forgotten what it's like to be a mum to a small child and the busy life you lead. I've a few people in my life who tell it as they see it and honestly don't understand why some are offended. Maybe tell her how it makes you feel? She'll either realise and tone it down or disagree I guess, but it can't be worse than what you're feeling now. Lots of love. Ps hats off to you losing that sort of weight, I lost 2 stone and it takes a lot but I know once you have done that once you know you can again. Look after you and eat healthily, sounds like you're already very active. Happy mum happy babies at the end of the day xx