Am I crazy?

[Regalview]

So I’m almost 30 and I’ve been with my partner 8 months but I have known him prior to this. It’s been a whirlwind so far, we live together and things are so easy but... we don’t use any form of contraception except for I have an app called Glow which keeps track of my cycle and I know when my “safe” days are. So on the week of high risk/ ovulation we usually play it safe but for the last 2 months he’s “cocked up” and thankfully the first month it was the day after ovulation so I came on my period 2 weeks later as normal. This month however he “forgot” again and ejaculated before I had the chance to stop him. Anyway I apologise this is long but I have said I will get the morning after pill but I did moan that it will completely mess my cycle up and his response was “well don’t bother getting the MA pill and just see because last month worked out fine”
Anyone getting the distinct impression he’s hoping for this? I’m also not an innocent party as I still haven’t been for MApill (3days) and I could have reminded him to be careful at the time... surely we haven’t been together long enough

It's up to you. I was pregnant 9 months after meeting and moving in with my dh, we've been together 18 years, married 16.
It'll either work out, or it won't, much like every other relationship.

Grow up and use a more reliable method of contraception.,

Possibly but the realities of being pregnant and having a baby are not always glamorous so be sure you really want one if your gonna continue what you are doing ... I conceived my ds of 19 days 3 days after I finished my period ... pretty sure that’s a bit soon but hey... upside we were looking to have a baby after being together long term ( 11 years ) and just buying a house together.

And I hated life the first 4 months of pregnancy as was so ill , and I tell you this giving birth is extremely painful! I thought my hips were gonna burst open, my back was gonna break and it is sore for a while after too, then there are the hormones after which make you cry and feel useless ... thankfully by day 16 they have settled oh and baby doesn’t sleep at all at night! So prep for 3 hours sleep if your partner is an angel and takes the kid off your hands... and he is so worth it.. i love him to the moon and back ... and so does my husband thank god because if he was a lesser man I am pretty sure he would have left.

I was on the implant for 9 years and fell pregnant pretty much as soon as i came of contraception ... if you don’t want a baby then go get something there is a copper coil that has no hormones in it if you don’t like hormones ... I can’t handle the pill doesnt ageeen with me so I’m going back on implant or coil.

Or keep going as you are and I hope your
Both wanting what follows the pull out method.

I’m pretty sure this site is for people to advise and support other people not be rude! I don’t want to take contraceptive drugs and my app has worked for me perfectly for 2 years!!

And again I love my son and I am so happy he is here but sleep deprivation is torture so make it a conscious choice have an conversation with your partner about it .

I am 35 by the way and by 30 I was worried about my biological clock but you still have time if your not ready

Well that’s pretty impressive, but the pull out method in unsafe days does your app advise that?

I was not trying to be rude but conserned you haven’t considered the full implications.

So I apologise if I upset you, I just see that the pull out method as not being particularly safe ( especially as he forgets to do it ), so there are other alternatives.

Middlrm thank you for your reply. I understand not to take this lightly. I want kids and so does he. We have a stable life, good jobs and I feel ready to have one but worry about the length of our relationship. I know things could turn sour just like with any relationship. It sounds silly but I’m more worried about what people will think/say

You clearly haven't been on mumsnet very long 😁 But yeah, if you want to get pregnant just carry on doing what you're doing. Can you really trust a guy who either doesn't care about your contraception method or is deliberately trying to get you pregnant ridiculously early in a relationship without discussing it first??

Middlrm it wasn’t your comment that I found rude 😊

You're 30 year old so you now if you want a baby or not and I'm guessing you secretly do. This could be you're relationship he could be the one so you could loose at a few ways really

Have a baby together see if it works out, but accept if it doesn't he can walk away, but you will still have a baby. Would you want a baby by yourself. I was only with my parent 18 mi this when I fell pregnant but never questioned if I was keeping the baby I was and if he didn't want it he could jog on !!! (Piss off) still together she's 20 now. The only thing I will say is though we didn't get to do things like travel the world together or go away weekend go abroad together and we're only just getting there with that now !

Glad I didn’t upset you, I though I may have jumped the gun talking about other contraceptive.

It sounds like your both on the right page but do have a proper conversation of when he sees himself having kids to ensure he is on the right page with you.

If your both in the right place then it’s really no one else’s business, I knew within 4 months my dh was the one and touch wood we are at the next step we took longer to get to kids because we wanted to do a few other goals first... but that was our choice and if you both desperately want a child now then go for it. ( once you have clarified it with him as you dot. Want him having a panic attack when you fall pregnant and suddenly he forgot to mention that he meant a couple of years down the line)

What do you feel?

Dot is don’t ... who would believe I could
Once spell ( but i do not function so well on little sleep sorry guys )

iwillkeepthishouseclean thanks for your reply... I worry I will leave it too late I guess. My partner is fantastic and I couldn’t ask for someone more thoughtful and considerate. We have a very stable life with great friends & family around us. I think we have both wasted long periods of our life with the wrong people. I feel I should take the morning after pill and wait until later on next year for a baby

I have to agree with PP about the pull out method, it’s worked so far for two years but they doesn’t mean it’s reliable. I know of at least 4 people who got pregnant from this method. It’s 2018 there’s lots of other options around nowadays for contraception. A good old condom would do the trick.

You need to talk to your partner, find out how he’ll feel if you are pregnant? he’s said just see as it might all be fine but then if you are pregnant he could well freak out and want you to have an abortion. It’s a possibility.
Are you financially able to to support a child? And maybe on your own if the relationship doesn’t work? Do you have family support?
I’d say sod what other people think focus on what you and your partner think and want.
Pregnancy Can be very hard, being pregnant has already put pressure on my very very strong 10 year relationship and that’s before baby has even arrived.

You only have 5 days to take the MAP and you says it’s already been 3 so your running out of time for that to be an effective option.

You need to speak to him ASAP. Make it clear that if you don't take the MAP that there is a very real chance of pregnancy and ask if he is on board with that. Not just complacent, actually on board. There is also a chance you could still get pregnant even if you do take the MAP (I did) particularly as you haven't taken it ASAP - it's not 100% effective by any means.

In fairness what strangers on the Internet think you should do is irrelevant, as we aren't the ones living your life and we don't have to live with the consequences. Hence why you need to speak to him. Work out what you both would want.

I'd also recommend buying some condoms to use on your "unsafe" days as the pull out method is not a sensible form of contraception when you are fertile. I totally understand not wanting hormones in you system, but there are other options.

just thought I'd add that as far as I understand MAP won't work if you have already ovulated - it works by delaying ovulation.

does glow give you the same cycle days every month as "unsafe"? if so, its a rhythm method and given that ovulation can happen in a window of time then it's not particularly reliable, but as you say 2 years it's been fine. I used Natural Cycles for 9 months to avoid pregnancy, using withdrawal on "unsafe" days, under the explicit understanding that we wanted children in near future and we would keep it if I did get pregnant while avoiding. I would have used a more reliable method had I not been sure or not had that conversation with my DP. At this age I don't think the length of relationship matters much (im 32), weve both been with enough people and had enough life experience to know what we want - I said I would want to be in a relationship for a year before trying. Also, adding tracking of cervical fluid and cervix position will give you more accuracy with it.

good luck with your decision and sounds like some conversations with your partner could be useful, about what you both want, and clearly state what happens on "unsafe" days etc. and what you want to do in case of unexpected pregnancy.

Whilst it takes two to have a baby (if not through IVF) I wondered if you'd agreed to use the pull out method. If so and he didn't then I would be talking about that first and foremost. For me there's a trust issue there. It does sound like he'd almost planned this but maybe that's the cynic in me.