Due in May 2019, but granny-to-be is already can't wait

[gingerraspberrypie]

Hello ladies,

I am only 18 weeks now. My husband's mum is little too active already now. She is planning to come exactly on my Due Date (15 of May).

Our parents live in another country so we don't see them often. Yesterday she was asking about the visa. She wants to come and help.

The problem is I don't know what kind of help she offers and if I am going to need that (that's my first child).

She is not my mum so I am a bit shy. And moreover, I don't know if I want anyone in our flat but my husband when baby's here. And the whole situation is a bit annoying because she pushes and I don't like it already.

We have a good relationships with my mother-in-law. But not so close that I can tell her "could you please wash the floor and make a dinner while I sleep". Maybe she wants to babysit my newborn and I have no idea whether I need this help in first weeks.
Mum mother is not here anymore.

Could anyone please share their stories or their experiences? Did you need help? And what kind and how did you ask?

I would have hated having someone else living with us. I felt like death after birth. I could hardly bear visitors for even short visits. After 2-4 weeks, help around the home would have been lovely, but most people just want to cuddle the baby.

@mortifiedmama thank you!
That's exactly what I am afraid of. I have no clue how tired and sensitive I'm going to be. So minimum a month you think.

Definitely tell her no. Better still, get your husband to do it. Having your own space when you have just given birth is the best way to protect future relationships with inlaws. You will be tired, probably sore, getting to grips with feeding and you will likely just want to bond. Having someone else in your house doesn't help any of that - it's a time for you and your husband.

I would also have hated for someone else to be in my house while I was in labour and when I brought my newborn home . Visitors I'm ok with but not to stay for a long period of time !

Would it be possible for her to stay with someone else , or in a hotel/B&B ? You may want to remind her that the baby can potentially be 14 days late so coming on your due date May mean she's there for ages before the baby even arrives!
I'd speak to your OH and just explain to him that you know she has good intentions but you're not comfortable with it . It's difficult though, esepcially because they live in another country so can't just pop round .

@IWannaSeeHowItEnds @ReginaPhalange89
Thank you for the responses. Yeah you are totally right.
I don't think she can stay in a hotel as we are buying a bigger flat now. So there will be a baby's room. But the baby will sleep with me and my husband for first i don't know few months (?). So potentially she can stay in the baby's room.

How do you think when is the best time for her to come? In 2 months? She will come anyway😒 so it's better for me to set the minimal time in advance.

I’d have hated someone else in the house while I was in labour. Good labouring requires quiet and calm and definitely not people you don’t feel 100% comfortable around. You could be 2 weeks over so def don’t have her arriving on your due date!

Based on what you’ve said I’d suggest a visit of a few days between 3-4 weeks after you are home from hospital sounds right.

My mum (not MIL) came a day after I got home from hospital on my request. We’d left it open but I wanted her there as I’d had a really hard birth and needed practical help. She cleaned, did washing, cooked, held the baby between feeds so I could sleep and did nappies. If you are planning to BF then the main thing others can do to help is cook and clean. Be sure she doesn’t have hopes of “babysitting” in the first few months as this just isn’t realistically possible imo.

Where does she live? Can you play it more by ear in terms of booking travel.

Be clear with her that it is your choice and while you are grateful of her offers of assistance, she needs to leave it to you and OH to decide what’s best. You also may want time to bond as a new family before having long term visitors.

Also you may want to be sitting around naked while BF or skin-to-skin in the early weeks. Not ideal for house guests.

YANBU at all. It would be better for her to stay in a hotel for the first visit

Does she have to book a flight in advance ? Or is it possible to tell her to wait til you've had the baby and see how you feel, that way once baby is here you can say oh I'd like some time just the 3 of us before any visitors....

I had an amazing mother in law. She didn't move in but she came all day everyday.

She enveloped me with love and care. I was her focus and my darling son was cherished.

She did all the food prep, she managed my cleaner and food orders and kept all the baby things clean and put away.

I honestly think her presence made those first few weeks bearable. I had infection after birth and I was pretty immobile fo the first month so she was my Godsend.

I couldn't have thought of anything worse than having someone staying in my house when I had only just given birth. It's the last thing you need when you're wanting to have skin to skin and trying to establish breast feeding if you're doing that.

Also- not trying to scare you but I had no bladder control for a little while and had a couple of accidents which I was a bit emotional about, I would have hated anyone else other than DP to witness that, was just temporary though!

My baby was late and I ended up being induced, if my DM had visited just before my due date like she had initially suggested she would have missed it (and just annoyed me while I was getting impatient for baby to arrive). I had visitors when baby was 3 days old x