DH having a freak out!

[Bunnymumma]

My DH is such a fantastic partner in every sense of the word but has been a little quiet for a few days. He finally told me that he has been having anxiety dreams about us having a daughter (not 100% confirmed but sonographer was thinking girl). We weren't actually going to find out at our scan but in the moment, it let right to see what it looked like we were expecting.

DH has had a couple of dreams where he didn't know what he was doing and felt really out of his depth with a baby girl and is now doubting himself terribly. Any tips for me to help ease his mind?

I should point out that he is absolutely NOT reacting to devastating disappointment at the lack of a boy. We didn't have a preference other than a healthy addition!

Thanks MNs!

I think he's probably just stressed about having a baby in general, and it's just turned out that because it's possibly a girl, it's obviously a girl in his dreams. I mean this may well have happened if the scan had shown a boy.

It's really natural, my DH was similar. Antenatal classes really help, just to have a space to ask questions. There are also some really good baby books specifically aimed at dads to be which might help.

The other option is to try and find other people who have babies already, who you can visit, and talk to about stuff.

It's really hard for dads because they don't get the same bonding before birth that we get. But, it will settle down. He'll be much better when it arrives! It's much easier for them when it's all practical and in front of them, than a great big unknown!

@Laburna Thank you! We start classes next month and all the friends we have that have daughters have been telling him how marvellous it all is.

Poor thing. I was so sad he didn't want to tell me! It's been all tummy stroking and glowing for me and he's been panicking!

@Bunnymumma that's exactly what mine was like. I think it's super hard for them because most blokes don't really grow up thinking about babies and being involved with them, or spend much time talking about pregnancy. For women it's much more natural and there's loads more outlets for questions if they come up, and a lot more prep in life for it.

It can be quite stressful for them to have to watch us go through loads of stuff and almost be apart from it, even though they're involved.

When DS came home from the hospital, it was much easier to deal with the anxieties because it was practical things. 'i don't know how to settle him' or 'i don't know how to do this or that', until then it's all unknown stress.

Oh, yeah, not sure if it will help, but DH did really well when I gave him 'jobs' to do. Like finding options for the car seat, crib pram etc. Wed decide what we wanted together and then he'd go back and find the best place to buy it.

Kept his mind busy 😂

@Laburna That's a bloody perfect idea! He can manage a project like nobody else! Thanks so much, you've really put my mind at ease.