AIBU to ask how to deflect rude nosy questions about finance?

[vincettenoir]

It's that time of year when I'm about to spend time with some really nosy rellies. One in particular asks really direct questions like "how much did that cost?" and "How did you / your cousin / best friend / nan's neighbour's aunty afford that?" They are not just about finances, they can be about health and work and all sorts of other stuff. But the main theme is they really push the socially acceptable boundaries of what you might ask a person you are not close with and only see twice a year.

The thing is I am usually so disarmed by these questions I don't know how to respond and most often I just answer them honestly while I feel quite invaded by them. Although these questions make me quite angry I don't want to respond with a disproportionately angry response over xmas time. Instead I want to be able to shoot them down skilfully with some kind of airy, light hearted retort.

How do other people do this? Help!

Those aren’t questions I’d consider particularly rude, personal or intrusive. We might well discuss with friends how much they’d paid for, say, a new coffee table or to have an oak floor laid.
Personal and intrusive might be how much your salary was. In that case a smile and “My mother taught me it’s rude to discuss wages” or smile “ WHose being too nosey?”

Could you try asking them what they said ? Sorry what did you just say !??

See if they get the hint !!

Basic costs of things wouldn't come into intrusive to me. (E.g. Someone saying thry like my new curtains and out of interest how much were there as they're thinking of getting new ones) or if price naturally comes up (e.g. discussing holidays price of flights and deals tends to come up).

If it was incessant then I'd just say something like 'you know i don't really want to spend all Christmas discussing money' or something like that.

“”It’s very vulgar to discuss money”

My MIL used to do this all the time.

I dealt with it by saying things like:

“why would you need to know that”

“It’s not polite to discuss other people’s finances”

“I’ve never considered how she affords it, it’s hardly my business”

All with a cheerful tone, a head tilt and a big smile.

She did eventually get the point but I’m fairly sure she Google’s the price of every single thing we buy.