Breastfeeding or formula?

[emilyanne96]

Hi everyone, so I'm 23+5 now and I've so many questions?! Did you all breastfeed? I think I wanna try it but then I'm wondering do you still buy formula? How does mixing it up and doing both work? I obviously want my partner to be able to feed baby too and I've heard it can be very tiring and demanding for mum.
We have bought bottles but not formula as I was unsure how to go about it all. It's all so confusing and there's so much to know that I never even thought about until now when I'm unable to sleep and my head is spinning!!!

Any comments/advice would be amazing and so appreciated I'm sick of reading books I need to hear proper experiences haha!

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain Again massive assumptions - and incorrect to boot.

Breastfeeding all the way (if possible) for me personally - and I do say this as someone who had a significant struggle with it for months - if you are physically and mentally able to then - IMO - it's the best thing for baby (and has benefits for mum too). To me it just makes sense to feed an infant human milk from their own species.

However the key bit there is "personally" and there are myriad reasons why women don't, won't, or can't and I really think the most important thing is making an informed decision on what is best for you and your personal circumstances.

I can't stand all this fed is best / breast is best debate. What's best is informed parents who are supported on the decisions regarding infant feeding. That's a key factor in the issues surrounding breastfeeding - many women want to and don't get the support needed to continue when they face difficulties.

When I was pregnant I joined a number of Facebook breastfeeding support groups (I just looked for breastfeeding) and read a lot of the conversations and threads to help myself to learn what to expect. They're also great for that 3am support when you're awake feeding!

I would recommend that you learn about the differences in Breastmilk and formula milk. Not from the adverts who will have you believe that it's "really close" but from actual published research. Formula is an inert artificial milk and it carries increased risks for both baby and mother.
Breastmilk is tailormade for your baby, it changes to meet their needs any hour of the day.

Breastfeeding is hard work.
You've got to WANT to do it and it's a learning curve. Yup it's the most "natural thing in the world" but most babies need to learn and you sure as hell need to learn too. That's what support groups are for.

Check out the Kellymom website - some really good and practical advice on there.

I didn't consider formula to even be an option for us so I didn't get any in. But the midwife offered to feed my baby when I was tired and crying at 5am from cluster feeding so I'm guessing they had it at the hospital ready anyway.. Plus my OH could have just gone to get some if we needed too.

It's the best thing I've ever done. My DD is 7 months old almost and full of rolls and I just love our cuddles!

I’ve breastfeed both my children. I found breastfeeding straight forward. Sometimes it exhausting but that’s also part of being a mother. OH didn’t do any feeds but it was t an issue he did baths, nappies even some midnight walks!

Wow everyone thanks so much for your comments I've just read through them all now. I do want to breast feed but I'm finding more negatives than positives and it's putting me off. I am leaning more towards expressing and feeding him my breast milk rather than breast feeding. I have suffered with bad anxiety last year and I suppose my main worry/concern is the overthinking and the pressure if it doesn't work, will it lead me to develop pnd? My heads a shed at the moment and I feel like there's so much to know I guess I won't know until he arrives

Thanks again everyone ❤️ xxxx

@emilyanne96 I think with breastfeeding, the positives are definitely for baby (with a few for you) but he negatives are all for you! It's definitely a hard decision.

OP just see how you get on- keep an open mind and go with the flow.

There’s no wrong decision, it just depends on what works for you and baby.

I bf ds exclusively for 5.5 months and then started weaning to formula but mix fed until 9 months. I went into it totally open-minded when he was born - wanted to bf but not the end of the world if it didn't work out. I had no idea what it would involve but actually love that I did it for so long. Felt to me like the lazy approach to feeding - no washing and sterilising! If you do decide to go for it then first couple of weeks can be uncomfortable but if you get through that then it all settles down, wishing you best of luck with whatever you decide to do 🧡

I only breastfed my first and I am combi feeding my second.

Don't get too stressed about it. Give BF a go and see if you like it? I don't find any negatives to it at all personally, I find it much easier than FF. If DH didn't enjoy giving the daily bottle I would just skip it and totally breastfeed again, maybe with a bottle. Even "having" to do it all yourself - if you have a supportive partner they will find other things to do so it's not all on you anyway and if you don't then they probably wouldn't help with bottles either so it's no big deal.

I don't agree that it's always really hard and you have to be really dedicated. This is a really offputting image. No it's not always the case that it's easy because it is natural, but it's also not inevitable it will be a really hard slog. IME the most important thing is simply knowing where to go for advice if you do have problems, and I'd suggest this list in order, going with the top one available and moving down the list if you don't have access to them or their advice didn't help you, bearing in mind that it's also OK to say no I'm done, I don't want any more advice.

1. Midwife if you're still in hospital/under midwife care. Make sure to ask for details of any local BF support groups if you don't know where they are.

1. BF counsellor/infant feeding specialist/teacher related to an antenatal course you've done or support group you've attended before, if applicable.

1. Local BF support group (Google "Breastfeeding support + town" and you'll normally find something)

1. One of the national breastfeeding helplines run by La Leche League, ABM, NCT. (They also have an online chat now).

1. The Mumsnet Infant Feeding board

1. A hired IBCLC, sometimes they do run free drop ins, but sometimes you have to pay for their advice.

And if it ever gets too much at any point, it's totally fine to say nope, that's enough, I want to bottle feed now - or to say I need a feed off, or a night off, and we'll look at it again in the morning. It's your baby, nobody can tell you what you should feed them. As long as you're feeding them breastmilk or formula, it's really nobody else's business! Don't put pressure on yourself.

WRT return to work at 9 months - just wait and see how it's going near the time. Many mums find at 9m they can breastfeed when at home and baby can have a bottle or even just solid food and water at nursery and their supply is just fine. After about 3 months for most people it really regulates and larger gaps aren't an issue any more anyway. Or you might have had enough and be combi feeding or totally FF by then, so there would have been no need to worry. Go with the flow and don't try to predict every single problem in advance.

Now exclusive pumping to feed a baby breast milk from a bottle IS hard. It's like the worst of both worlds.

OP if you are worried about struggling that is the last avenue I would explore, honestly. I know a few women who have exclusively pumped (due to no choice) and they were SO dedicated to do it. You already sound unsure about it all, and the "negatives" (as you perceive them) of breastfeeding, so I think you are underestimating the amount of effort required to maintain a supply through pumping alone. Also unfortunately not all women can pump, even though they have plenty of milk for the baby - not all breasts/women respond to the pump.

I would reiterate what a PP said about checking out the Kellymom website and reading up about breastfeeding from a reputable source. There will also be info on there about exclusive pumping, etc. so you can see what's involved.

What are the specific negatives you are worried about?

If you want to breastfeed don’t buy ‘back up’ bottles and formula. Breastfeeding is easy once you’re in the swing of things but the first week or two can be difficult. If you have formula laying around plenty of sleep deprived new parents would be inclined to cave but it isn’t worth it if you really want to breastfeed because it DOES get easier and fairly quickly too.

Lansinoh nipple cream is definitely a must for any breastfeeding mum during the first couple of weeks as are decent nursing bras and breast pads. That is truly all you need to breastfeed which has always been the major plus for me- I like how it’s always there on tap and is also free . Formula just always seemed hugely faffy to me personally and it’s very expensive.

TBH the idea you shouldn't have formula in "in case you get tempted" is also not that helpful - I think it's better to bear in mind that if you're having difficulties giving a bottle is likely to add time on to the difficulties you're having. If the short term gain of peace of mind/a break/some sleep/a haircut/etc is worth that then absolutely go with it, but think of it more in terms of cost-benefit analysis than a moral issue. If you're offering a bottle because you have pain/worries about supply then seek help ASAP as well, and know that it's normal for babies to find bottles easier so they might appear more settled.

Some people will feel reassured knowing if they can't/don't like it/don't want to/are finding it hard there is an alternative readily available and that they can take a step back when they want to - they would feel more pressure and stress knowing that they are their baby's only option.

Whereas other people will find the presence of formula/bottles stressful perhaps particularly if they have a well-meaning DH or MIL constantly offering her a "break" - they'll see the back-up formula as a sign they are just going to fail anyway so it might as well be now.

Bearing in mind 24 hour supermarkets are a thing, it's worth thinking about which scenario is more likely for you and choosing accordingly.

There are so many different ways this could work out, if I were you I would plan to at least start out breastfeeding and then see how you feel. The colostrum in the first few days is very good for the baby and giving them breastmilk for a few weeks or months will benefit the immune system too.

I BF DD for about 22 months, it was very hard at first due to problems with latching but honestly for me, more convenient, cheaper and just generally nicer once we got it established. If you struggle with anxiety, you might find BF helps - it releases endorphins and can give you a positive, glowy feeling that cheers you up on exhausted afternoons!

Formula is a fantastic invention that keeps babies alive and healthy, but it should be a medical necessity rather than a lifestyle choice for a newborn. Why would you buy it in advance? Spend your money on breastfeeding Information books instead, join your local breastfeeding Facebook group to find out about local consultants and support groups, watch YouTube videos for latch tips. You can't just wing it.

Find your local breast feeding support group if there is one, they are usually more than happy to chat and you can go along before baby is born too.

Breastfeeding is hard work, especially at the begining but it does get easier, but then formula feeding is hard work with washing and sterilizing and making up bottles all through.

Baby may sleep through but probably won't no matter how you feed.

Not breastfeeding increases your chance of developing breast cancer, diabetes, hart disease later in life.

I planned to 100% ff our first, and ended up 90% ff, 10% bf, because my baby seemed keen to give it a shot, but I was never really committed enough to get my supply up. Next time, I'm planning on combi feeding a bit more if possible, but still majority ff, and using what breast milk I make.

I didn't find bf hurt at all (though maybe I would if I did it for every feed), and it was very comforting for the baby. Hence, I'll try and do a bit more next time.

But, I found ff much easier as I shared the load. I got to have unbroken nights sleep, which would have been impossible with ebf, and because I got to rest, I enjoyed early parenthood, and felt a much better other as a result. I also found thst ff was a better bonding experience, as I got to look into my daughters eyes when she fed, rather than her staring at my boobs, and she could watch me singing to her etc.

The tenderness of those early bottle feeds were very far removed from some of my friends who had to grit their teeth because of pain in the early days, and used to dread feeds. Obviously not everyone has pain though (and I didn't). I also that my daughters cuddles were not cupboard love, but out of a desire for just cuddles.

There are pros and cons to both. Honestly I think a lot depends on the attitude of your partner. If you are approaching it as a team, with him wanting to do night feeds etc, then your ability to sleep will be transformed by bottles. If though he sees it as your job regardless, bottles are just an extra faff a lot of the time. Expressing is in theory a great idea, but bear in mind that it can just increase the burden on you.