Pregnant and depressed, can’t stop crying

[Bellendejour]

Just need a bit of help, I’m six months pregnant and feel so down. Yesterday I got passed over for recognition at work (an end of year thing) and I just feel like such a failure. I wanted to leave (for maternity) feeling like people thought I was good at my job and now I just feel so shit and I can’t stop crying. Last night I spent hours thinking about self harm and suicide. I called in sick today and spent the day in bed, found it really hard to get up and do anything.

It felt a bit unfair because they changed the rules so then everything came down to a vote, so now I feel disappointed and also like no one at work likes me

Sorry if I’m being silly but I think I pinned my hopes on this thing and now I feel totally depressed and like I’ll be instantly replaced and forgotten about. I know I should be grateful for the things I have but I’m just finding this really hard for some reason. Have had quite a lot of anxiety and lows since I got pregnant, all related to work. Has anyone else felt like this? Just really struggling and thought I would be okay by now.

Yep, I was fine until just over a month ago (currently 31 weeks), then I gradually lost motivation at work, so wasn't really performing and started getting paranoid - we have a new team member and I just started thinking she must think I'm an idiot. Please be open with your healthcare team - mine have been incredibly supportive. Like me it sounds as though your anxiety stems from your work rather than the baby/pregnancy, but its important to nip this in the bud. I think knowing you have to wrap things up for your maternity leave is quite stressful and knowing you'll be off work for a while is quite disempowering if your quite dedicated to your work. I was signed off sick but the doctor for a few weeks and now I'm hoping to signed off as fit to return as I'm feeling much more motivated and relaxed.

Ah I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time too Crabby but so glad you’ve found a way through. I’m between midwives as I’ve changed hospital after moving but I have an appointment on the 19th and was thinking to see my GP before then. I have touched on my anxiety a little bit but will be more open, I suppose I was worried they might somehow see me as being a bad mum-to-be kind of.

Did you speak to your work about how you were feeling or just feeling low/needing time? My boss is really nice, I think I feel a bit embarrassed because it seems so stupid to get upset about this (and lots of others in the same boat who are probably totally fine about it). And then although she is lovely I think she prefers positive uncomplicated people, and also I think she just thinks I should be over the moon about being pregnant and nothing else matters. I feel bad that I don’t feel like that, I do feel grateful for my baby but it hasn’t completely taken over my brain and I still worry about work a lot.

Thanks for posting

I'm 7 weeks pregnant much earlier than you but I have had to deal with losing my father to suicide. He took his life on 30.10.2018 I am lost, depressed, struggling to even put one foot in front of the other.

My father had no previous mental illnesses but unfortunately my mum left him for another man and 33 days later he committed suicide.

If your feeling suicidal or feel like self harming you need to contact the Samaritans, I can tell you now the grief I am going through is awful and much heavier than a usual death. Get help if you feel that way.

I got “improvement needed” for the first time just before I went on maternity leave last year. It wasn’t nice, I admit but ultimately I was about to have a whole year off and have a beautiful baby so I didn’t care as much as I would have otherwise. I found my priorities changed and I didn’t care about work or work related issues anymore.

Pregnancy is hard. Your hormones are all over the place and it’s normal to feel down from time to time. Have you spoke to your midwife about it?

Maybe trying to switch your mindset to think about the future with your baby will help? Rather than the negative aspects associated with work.

@hermones1 can’t imagibe how you are feeling. So sorry for your loss. Hug from me xx

@Hermones1 so sorry to hear about your loss. xxx

OP - yes my work have been supportive and my manager has been great. I got a bit worried this week about the consequences of being off sick for so long and being perceived as too 'mentally unwell' to do the job, but I spoke to her today and she reassured me that everyone just want me to enjoy having my baby. I work in the safeguarding children arena and I've also previously worked in mental health so I know all the potential risks the medical team are screening for, but I also know that they just want to support me to be a fab mummy. So don't worry about that. I do think if you continue to have thoughts about harming yourself it would be advisable to either call your midwife or GP asap. XXX

@Hermones1 I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. Mind yourself x

@Hermones1 I’m so sorry, that must be so incredibly hard, I hope you are getting the support you need. Thanks so much for your kind words, I will definitely get some help from my GP/midwife.

Just posting on here has actually really helped, I was feeling very overwhelmed with it all and just going over it again and again and this has helped me break that cycle a bit.

I will definitely speak to my boss and also try to focus more on my baby, I just wrote out a load of Christmas cards to try to think about more positive things and people, so that helped too.

Thank you all so much x