So stressed, fed up and worried.

[Iswallowtoothpaste]

We’re having money worries at the moment. OH and myself are farmers and we’re self employed. We’ve just had an absolute whopper of a tax bill which doesn’t equate to what we’ve earned at all! We simply can’t afford to pay it, even in instalments we’re going struggle. We’ve spent the last week chewing on in the cold, wet pissing rain chewing on with sheep and it feels like we’re getting no where and getting nothing done. Feed for the sheep and cows to keep them over winter has doubled in price due to the dry summer we had. We’ve never had a holiday, Christmas is going to be a poor do for the kids yet again this year, we have an absolute shit heap 11 year old car that we’ve just had to spend 500 quid getting fixed because we can’t afford to replace it. Then we come home to a near derelict, freezing cold, damp house which is making us all poorly and I’m so fucking fed up of it all. I’m utterly, utterly miserable and exhausted. I so want to enjoy this pregnancy after 2 MC’s consecutively but I’m really struggling to do so.

Myself and OH are arguing over every little thing at the moment and all I want to do is run away from it all. And to top it off he’s got an demanding ex who he can’t do enough for. I don’t even know how we’re going to manage this month’s maintenance. We don’t have any sort of quality of life and I feel like we work too hard to be living like this. This year has about killed us off. Nothing anyone can do I just want need to vent. So grateful to be 14 weeks pregnant and I so want to enjoy it but I feel so consumed with worry for everything else.

At a loss.

So sorry, sounds rough

First off take a deep breath ...

Speak to your husband about your situation calmy and tell him you know it's not his fault but this is why the arguments are starting ... are you wanting to leave your husband and why is your husband jumping to his ex ... yes if they have a child together be part of that dynamic hell he can be her friend but he needs to see you are struggling and are also carrying his child.

Money problems come to us all and seem to drag on forever... only you can change it ... i feel like this all the time too but kick myself up the arse because i chose this life no one else theres always time for change hun but dont stress too much not good for your baby xxx

I don’t want to leave him. That’s a last resort but sometimes I just can’t see a way out all of this.

He’s always jumped to her. She moved away after they split and won’t facilitate any relationship between her DD and her dad. She won’t do any of the driving, OH does it all which of course is another expense andome that could be shared. We’ve told her (for the first time in 8 years) that we can’t afford the petrol to come over and pick DSD up. She then questioned why we’d spent £500 repairing the car. I think that’s pretty self explanatory. Surely she’d want her daughter being driven such distances in a car that was reliable, road worthy and safe. And if we have no car then we don’t get to see her at all.

We’re improving the breeding of stock, we’ve not that long since taken over the farm from his mum who died 2 years ago. She’s made a real hash up of the will and left OH in a very precarious position which isn’t really helping matters either. She was very stuck in her ways so we’re improving the breeding of the sheep and cows to hopefully get a better return on them in time. It’s such a worry though, my head feels like it’s going to explode.

I’m trying not to stress but it’s difficult. I can’t work out whether the tax man wants to tax us fairly or put us out of business completely. Thi has been a stressful pregnancy so far, obviously after 2+ MC’s it’s never going to be calm and stress free but I’ve had a couple of bleeds along the way too. There’s not really a lot of advice anyon can give, I jut need to get it out of my system.

Sending lots of love and well wishes @iswallowtoothpaste stay positive as hard as it is 💐💐

Have had a really bad day today. OH had a credit card bill that needed paying. He also had some cheques and cash that he wanted paying into his current account. He drove me into town to do it but I was getting on a bit of a fix trying I work out what was going where so he started shouting at me (this was after another morning in the freezing cold helping him with sheep) I literally sat on the car bawling my eyes out and told him that he isn’t the only person with worries and his reply was ‘you’ve had a fucking scan, you’re fine.’

I literally haven’t stopped crying since, DD has got a christingle service that I should be going to but I’m honestly in no fit state and now I feel even worse because she’ll be looking out for me and I won’t be there

I know he’s stressed but I honestly do so much for him including with his own DD and I honestly don’t feel as though I deserve being spoken to like that.