I am so so down...

[RCheese]

Hello. I am totally new to this... and pregnancy. I am 30 years old and have always always said that children will not feature in my life plan, but then I completely (and genuinely) changed my mind after I entered my current relationship.

I found out I had conceived after a very short 2 months of trying and really wanted this baby. We are getting married in January, everything is coming together beautifully and I know I should be thrilled. The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the happiest of my life.

Since then I have been full of dread and even said to my fiancé that I want a termination. My lovely friend has been trying to get pregnant for nearly 2 years and has experienced many miscarriages and although I am feeling this way I cant cope with the guilt I am feeling.

How could I even think something like this? Why would I say something so awful? My fiancé's response was that if I really feel this way we should discuss the next step with the doctor- this made me even more guilty and devastated about the whole thing as I know how important this baby is to him.

I just don't understand my reaction to this pregnancy. I am 6 weeks in and filled with regret, I cant stop thinking about what a huge mistake I have made and I so desperately don't want to feel this way.

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for years, and this only adds another layer of horror to the whole experience.

I am so exhausted with all of these conflicting feelings and confusion. Please tell me this is normal...?

Do you have a counsellor? Pre natal depression is a real thing and you should speak to your GP.

Anxiety and depression in pregnancy is completely debilitating - I speak from heartfelt experience. It’s no reflection on you, your partner or your willingness and suitability for motherhood. I would v much recommend that you speak to your GP

Anti natal depression is very real, it's just as common as PND, but not many people speak about it.
I remember when I got pregnant with my eldest, it was a very wanted pregnancy and we'd been trying for some time. By 16 weeks I was googling terminations which is very out of character, at 30 weeks I just cried every day. I was so low. I didn't know anything about AND then, but it's clear I had it. After talking to my midwife I felt so much better. As soon as I had dd1, I started to feel so much better, it was like a cloud had lifted.
Please speak to your midwife or make an appointment with the gp, there is so much that can be done, I really wish I had spoken about about it xx

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Just to mirror what others have said - anxiety, depression and other mental health issues are common during (and after) pregnancy. I would encourage you to speak to your GP (or midwife, if you're having an appointment soon) about how you've been feeling, before you making any decisions about whether to continue with your pregnancy.

Before getting pregnant with my daughter, I had wanted to have a baby for a long, long time. When I found out I was pregnant, like you, I felt overcome with happiness, but there was also a lot of doubt there. There were many times when I wondered if I had made the right decision, considered whether I should go through with it, and felt very depressed and anxious. Obviously I can only speak for myself but, in retrospect, I think it was just the fear of being a terrible mother and not being able to look after a child, and all the self-doubt that comes along with motherhood, combined with the uncertainty of knowing your life has changed forever. It's a very overwhelming time and I had a lot of conflicting emotions.

All I can say is that my daughter was the best thing to ever happen to me. Children bring a light into your life that you can't begin to imagine until they are there. They make you smile and laugh and cry in a way you've never smiled or laughed or cried before. It's true that they break you apart, make you feel things you've never felt before, but it is the most amazing thing.

Don't by any means feel guilty about the doubts you're having - but grab onto your happiness when you can and run with it.

Always here if you want a chat.

Hello ladies.

Just want to say thank you so much for all of your responses. On your advice, I have booked a doctors appointment for Thursday afternoon and my partner is coming with me. It has been so comforting to know I am not alone.

I hope you find it helpful. You are being brave to acknowledge it and get help - remember that and be kind to yourself xx

I felt this way at around 6 weeks too, all of the feelings you describe. I genuinely couldn’t imagine getting past it and not feeling that way.
I went to the GP who advised me this was much more common than you’d think. I remember reading articles online about it going on about ‘hormones being all over the place’ and feeling so insulted that the way I was feeling was being put down to ‘hormones’.
Anyway ,shortly after this feeling of doom really lifted, and I couldn’t believe I felt so, so low.
I suppose I just want you to know that these feelings seem to be more common than you’d think and that you’re not alone xxxx

I'm 9 weeks and feeling exactly the same. Thinking the same things about termination. It's horrendous.

I went to my midwife and a very sympathetic GP today. They're very understanding and doing all sorts to help.

This is my second pregnancy, and it was the same last time, but somehow started even earlier this time around.

I hope your appointment goes well and you get the help you need.

I’m 33 weeks pregnant with a very, very wanted baby and I still get terrible anxiety about the whole thing!

I’m glad you’ve got an appointment and can speak to your fiancé about it.

Hey, congratulations on your baby and don't be panic. This is the actual time that you have to be happy as you already booked the appointment but you have to do help yourself too. The first thing is to read some good things that make you happy and be positive about everything. If you believe in spirituality then try some spiritual books and feel blessings. You can also read about kid's upbringing or motivational books. You can also try meditation and exercise that helps you to get relax and also maintain your weight, but for meditation and exercise please consult your doctor first.

Hi op. My story is really like yours. But of a sort of last minute decision at 35 to try to conceive. It worked first time. I literally didn’t think that was possible. I was thrilled at first but then freaked out majorly about everything about 6/8 weeks. I also have history of anxiety. I got a therapist and I can’t say how much it helped. Also the hormones are really strong at the beginning and they do settle down as the pregnancy continues so you might find you find it easier. I managed the rest of my pregnancy really well. Your gp will help.

There was a thread on Mumsnet recently if someone describing similar feelings to yours. She had a termination and realised after that she made a huge mistake and is now trying to get pregnant again. Terminations are irreversible, and pregnancy hormones can make you feel all sorts of things. The fact that you want a baby prior to getting pregnant speaks volumes, I wouldn't make any hasty decisions

Thank you all so much. I am so glad I haven’t done anything drastic. I have been reading a bit about antinatal depression and it makes a lot of sense. I have also thought a lot about my hormones and how they’re related to my feelings at the moment. I am looking forward to my doctors appointment tomorrow as I am going to be asking to be referred for counselling. I really feel I need the help. I also want to ask my doctor about whether I should stay on my medications etc. I can’t tell you how comforting it has been to read your responses and how much more positive I feel, feeling I can express my feelings without being judged. Thanks for everything.

I'm so glad you've been feeling a little bit better @RCheese. I hope the appointment tomorrow goes well - it takes a lot of strength to ask for help, but you are absolutely doing the right thing! You should be really proud of yourself.

Let us know how you get on. x