My partner and I have been trying for a baby for four years. And in that time not one positive result, no miscarriages, no chemical pregnancies, no faint lines. We were referred to the fertility clinic and I was diagnosed with PCOS. They tested and I didn't seem to be ovulating, so I was told to lose weight and that we would then be prescribed Clomid. Well weight loss just did not seem to happened no matter what I tried, and since the beginning of summer especially. I am currently heavier than ever, in the process of being diagnosed with fibromyalgia and my periods seemed to have packed up all together. My last one was in August, I tested in September after six weeks, and it was negative. I tested again a week or a few weeks later I can't remember now and it was negative again.
So pregnancy seemed further away then ever. I was put on a cocktail of different medications that are not suitable for pregnancy and I drank at weekends, sometimes very heavily as I was not under the impression any more that we would ever get pregnant without help. Yesterday morning I did a test as next week I have an appointment to be prescribed something to 'force a bleed' as it's been so long. After YEARS of staring at the stick with a timer in hand being convinced this month would be the month, this time I just scrolled my phone. And I get a positive. Three more sticks all positive and today a fancy dating one that says three plus weeks.
But I have no idea how far gone I am, my periods had stopped. And there was the staff Christmas do recently where I drank god know's how much gin, there was wine most weekends. All the tablets I am on are not suitable. I've been nauseous and sick which I put down to fibro and gerd so I've barely been eating so my nutrition has been terrible.
I feel so depressed, so sick with worry (which hey I know is another terrible thing for baby) I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't stop throwing up. I can't imagine having to go through a termination after wanting this more then anything in the world for years, but the idea that I have hurt my baby is too much to bare. I am just so so scared and alone. Has anyone else been through anything similar? I'm terrified of FAS, that I have fucked up their physical and neurological development. I feel like the worst mother in the world.