Advice needed (baby father related)

[Redroses17]

I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and I'm not with the baby's Dad. We are in contact about the baby and he likes to be informed of how all baby's appointments have gone but he's only ever attended one scan which he was late and missed it and then left early. He has then never attended any other scans or any other of appointments I've had for baby. I also don't think he's bought anything for his unborn daughter. I wanted him to be involved for my baby's sake as I thought it would be nice for her to have a relationship with her Dad. But thinking about it I don't feel he's stepped up enough so far or feel he actually cares enough to be a Dad to our baby. He says all the right things but they are not backed up by his actions. I now don't feel I want him at the birth as the idea of it I don't feel comfortable with ,and also feel because of him not ever stepping up it's making me question would he take care of her if he did have her on his own? My gut instinct says no based on how he's been so far.
Should I allow him to be at the birth and in the future allow him contact and to take care of her on his own? I'm unsure if I'm being reasonable or unreasonable, advice would be very much appreciated,

TIA x

I haven't really thought about the baby's last name too much at the moment , she's likely to have my last name however I'll probably decide on her last name of whether it's mine or her dad's when she's here.

I would be looking into the last name thing now. Personally I would use your surname for her.

I also wouldn’t have him at the birth, you need someone who knows you well, who you are happy seeing you at your most vulnerable and who can be your spokesperson if needs be. He can come once she is born and you are feeling upto it.

Can I say re surname think about it now . I was married my exh ( was completely unsupportive ) however I was desperate for our little family to work and would agree to a lot I never should of done .

You are not even convinced this man is interested . Last thing I would do is give my baby someone else’s name . You will resent it each time you are called Mrs exbf, checked more thoroughly leaving the country . Life is far easier with your surname

But why wouldn’t you give her your surname? He is potentially not even interested. You can’t guarantee what he will do after the birth. Plus it’s easier if she has your name. Especially if you ever go abroad with her etc. You have no reason to give her his last name other than tradition. But practically she should have yours. Plus the hospital will automatically have her as Baby your name.

I hear what people are saying about the surnames and I get your points , but if we go back to the original post I made about the advice I was looking for , I haven't actually mentioned anything about surnames and that wasn't what I was asking about , so why people are bringing it up for I don't know.

Do what suits you regarding the surname entirely your decision.

You will know nearer the time about him being present at her birth. Maybe he could wait outside of delivery suite and you might be more comfortable if he came in shortly after she's born. A lot of men melt when they get their newborn in their arms. Whether he can step up or not only time can tell but you might be surprised.

Yeah I'm definitely to have to think about the name bit , though I'm fairly sure of my decision on it at the moment and I think that's a good idea about him waiting outside that I would feel more comfortable with and that's true , n I think I could be in a surprise...fingers crossed 🤞

I'm in the same situation right now!!!!
We were only together for a couple months and I ended it with him before I found out I was pregnant.
He can't take 2 minutes out of a 24 hour day to ask how I am! Only time we talk is when I let him know the appointments or tell him how I'm doing.
I think he wants to be involved with the child but it's like he cba while I'm pregnant. I've decided I don't want him at the birth as I think I'll feel uncomfortable since he hasn't been supportive while pregnant! I know I'd 100% rather have my mum and friend there!
I just wonder how he will be when the baby is born! xxx

@Haze0215 It's a tricky situation to be in, I've find in my experience of it , it was really hard at first to accept we weren't going to be a couple when the baby was born but it's got alot easier now I'm getting further along in the pregnancy , and I'm now just excited and thinking about my little girl being here soon!
And what I've learnt myself from this thread is for dad's to be it's not real their going to be a Dad until they see the baby in physical form , I'm sure your baby father and ex partner , will become more hands on when little one is here, it's just it's hard for a Dad to be to get on board while the baby's still growing in you ,and I think having a mum or close friend is definitely a better idea , for me I don't think I'd be comfortable with having my baby's dad seeing me all out of it when I'm in labour though I'm more then happy for him to see baby once she's here.
I hope all goes well in your preganacy and I'm sure he'll step up once your little one arrives , best of luck and congratulations xx

I'd inform him when you go into labour, but that you will be having your Mum/sister/friend as your birth partner so he won't be allowed in. He can then choose to wait in the hospital, or whether he wants to rock up after the baby is born.

If you do want him to be involved, it will be a nice bonding moment for him if he gets to hold her soon after she is born.