FTM - Dreading being a mum :,(

[WishingOnAStar86]

Morning all

As in the title, I'm soon to be a FTM, well not soon, a life time, I'm only 17+5 but I feel nothing but dread about having his little boy.

I've always wanted to be a mum, as far as I can remember anyway?! I suffered a m/c of an unplanned pregnancy 17 weeks ago and was devastated so I intentionally tried straight after. Evidently too soon after bc I was pregnant again within 2 weeks but it has been nothing but doom and gloom since the positive.

I have been diagnosed with antenatal depression and I thought the meds were working but it hasn't made me anymore excited for this pregnancy. I just feel nothing but horror.

Felt slight movement past couple of days and while I thought it would maybe help, it did the complete opposite, made me feel uncomfortable. I know pregnancy is the most natural thing in the world but bc of all of this, its made it feel so unnatural.

Its so bad, I honestly wonder how I could ever love this child when he is born. Poor thing, hasn't done a thing but I just cant see it, never imagined depression could feel like this. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!

Any one felt the same? Every pregnancy is different, I know. I've read up on it incessantly and can see I'm not the first to feel like this but still hard to believe anyone has ever felt how I do...It's debilitating 😔

Xx

Sorry to hear this. Can you go back to your GP to discuss your meds? If these aren’t working then there are definitely others you can try. Counselling to get over your previous loss would also be a very good thing to look into if you can afford it x

Im under the care of a home treatment team so will be speaking to them later.

I dont know how to talk about the lost pregnancy as its almost just been forgotten about. I dont even remember how sad I felt, maybe thats the problem.

Thanks

Xx

I don’t really have any advice. I just want to give you a big hug and tell you it’s all going to be ok.

Do you think you’re perhaps still traumatised after your M/C? I’m 13+4 and had a MMC back in June and found it pretty traumatic to deal with. I’m happy to be pregnant again but have experienced feelings of doom, gloom and dread, although definitely not as severe as you describe (usually lasting a couple of days) I think it’s linked to conceiving so quickly after miscarrying. It’s still fresh in our minds. Or perhaps you feel guilty for falling pregnant again so quickly? Worried that your previous baby will be forgotten or ‘replaced.’

Your GP or MW should be able to help. Have just seen that you’ll be speaking to a home care team later. It’s very important to be completely honest with them about how you feel.

I hope things start improving for you xxx

It's a question of degree of course but I just want you to know that it is very, very normal to be frightened of having the baby (in the sense of being a parent). I had a miscarriage and got pregnant again a year later and even though I had wanted the baby very much I was petrified. Kept wondering if I had done the right thing, how I could have thought I could cope etc. The baby was born and I was fine, actually, but a few of my friends found it hard for a while afterwards and that is also very normal. I think you're right to have sought help and got meds but I don't think any meds are going to completely get rid of the anxiety that everyone has about this massive leap into the unknown. It would be weird not to worry about it. Keep talking to the professionals around you and get all the help you can but know that everyone wonders what on earth they were thinking once they're pregnant even if they were desperate for a baby for ages before!

Hi,
I'm pregnant with my first baby and am also very scared and down.

I feel similar to you in that I wonder if I have done the right thing and feeling the baby move freaks me out a bit.

So you are not alone in how you are feeling and not abnormal.

Sending you much love
X

Hey OP, I’m about 24 weeks with my first viable pregnancy - I had a MMC in May and then got pregnant again in June. I’d honestly say I’ve only started to feel hopeful about it all in the last couple of weeks, even at the 20wk scan I wouldn’t let myself get excited as I was convinced there’d be a problem. You are right that it’s not uncommon in varying degrees to feel that way, and you’ve been very brave already to get help. I agree with the PP that you should talk to your support team about how you are feeling - it sounds like maybe you have some unresolved trauma around your MC. It might sound silly but have you tried writing down how you feel, if it’s hard to talk about it? Getting it down on paper can be an important first step in acknowledging and understanding how you feel. I’d try to go somewhere you feel safe and where you won’t be rushed and have a hot chocolate and give it a go... we also have a Christmas decoration for our little bear, who I still think about pretty much every day, because they’re still part of our family even if they are watching from somewhere else xxx