Abortion V keeping the baby

[Natz110]

I’ve just recently found out I’m 4 weeks pregnant, I’m currently living with my boyfriend of 5 years. Up until today we have been at eachother a throats arguing, bickering constantly and trying to work to fix our relationship, however this has threw a spanner in the works. He has went ballistic about the pregnancy, he says we aren’t ready as a couple and we are at our worst point which I agree with, part of me agrees that it’s not the time but a small part of me wants it even though he has threatened to leave. I don’t know what to do and need some advice, would I regret it? Would I regret not waiting until we we’re at a better point in our relationship? Thanks. Nat x

I think you need to decide what you want more? The baby or the relationship? If you keep the baby he may leave, he may not, either way you will manage(I promise). If you choose to have an abortion you may split up anyway as it sounds like it is heading that way and I think if you do stay together there is the chance you may resent him if you feel he pushes you into an abortion by using the threat of leaving).

There is nothing wrong with abortion by the way, I am pro choice, but if you feel you may want to keep the baby, don’t let his threats sway you because you would manage alone.

You need to make a list of scenarios

What is will be like raising a baby on your own? What can you and can't you afford? Where will you live and how will you afford daycare?

What it will be like raising a baby with him? People hardly ever change!

What it will be like after an abortion? Will he support you? Will he care? Will you blame him for being so crap to you.

I considered it myself and hoped my now exh would change. He didn't but that doesn't mean your bf won't.

You know him best.

At only 4 weeks you still have lots of time so consider all your options thoroughly and don't let any threats he makes influence you.

I just want to say that if your relationship is already suffering, pregnancy and a subsequent baby will NOT help that. Pregnancy and child rearing add an enormous strain to even the strongest of couples so I’m afraid a couple already struggling together are fairly doomed... it’s a total myth that a baby brings a couple closer together! It does in ways but it simultaneously drives you apart,there’s a reason so many parents break up.

I would be considering how you would cope as a single parent and whether that is what you want. Take him out of the equation for now and focus on that.

I think where the baby is concerned you should take your oh out of the equation as it sounds like you are on the verge of breaking up either way. Babies put a massive strain on a relationship especially if there's any cracks already.
Would you be ok as a single parent? Would you resent him if you had an abortion?
It's really difficult, is there anyone you can talk to in real life?

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who gave me that type of ultimatum. Does he think that by leaving you while pregnant it will make the baby disappear?

Do what is best for you, op. Would you be able to financially support yourself alone with a baby? Pregnancy can be incredibly isolating at times and so is hard to do without a supportive partner- but it can be done! Either way he sounds like a right arsehole...

Sounds like the relationship isn't going to last.

Have a look through some of the other boards about being a single parent, not getting paid CSA, step-parent problems, access problems, being taken to court for custody etc etc

It's a life long commitment to have a child, your whole life will be turned upside down. Think hard about it.

I have a hands-on DH and lots of family support and it's still so hard.