I want to start telling people next week but partner is dead against it. Arrrggghhhhh

[Iswallowtoothpaste]

Hi all, I’ve been spamming recently for which I apologise!

I’m 13+1 today and have a scan next Tuesday when I’ll be 14 weeks as the sonographer couldn’t get the proper measurements at my last scan.

We haven’t even told close family/friends yet. Pretty much no one other than ourselves and relevant healthcare professionals know about the pregnancy.

I want to start telling close family and friends but OH is dead against it until after 20 weeks

Obviously I’m not going to completely disrespect him and do it anyway but I’m asking to tell those who are the closest to us. Not announcing it to the whole world. This all stems from a MMC we had in June at 10+3 (baby died at 9)

I know miscarriage can happen at any stage but I feel as though we’ve passed the main danger zone. I just want to enjoy telling people now. A lot of folks announce to the whole world at 12 weeks and I’m wanting to just tell nearest and dearest at 14 weeks. I thought this was a good compromise but he’s still dead against it 😢

WWYD?

Congrats!!

I looked proper pregnant at 16 weeks! I was so ill at the beginning too there’s no way people didn’t guess... I’m sure it will be obvious to friends and family that you are pregnant by 20 weeks right? It’s quite hard to hide it that long! Will people be a bit put out if you wait that long? < that’s worth considering too....

I think having already had several pregnancies you'll struggle to hide it til 20 weeks.

Glad you've agreed to tell a few people after this scan, I do think intimately you have the right to tell him categorically you will be telling SIL and anyone else for health and safety reasons, and you be telling X people for emotional support.
It is ultimately your body.

I wouldn't tell his family and I think it's reasonable to ask people to not tell anyone else just yet

Yep he's being selfish
If you did (god forbid) lose this one would he expect you to keep it secret??

4% isn't particularly low odds, that's one in 25. Past 10 weeks with a good heartbeat and particularly when you've had more than one scan showing expected progression, you're into less than 0.1% territory.

My first pregnancy I hadn’t told anyone and had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it at all.
2nd pregnancy I told those closest to me pretty much as soon as I found out as I didn’t want to be in that situation again (I had hyperemisis so couldn’t have kept it secret even if I wanted to!) luckily all was well.
3rd pregnancy we lost at 16 weeks after a healthy looking scan 2 days before, I was so glad we had been open about the pregnancy as it made it much easier to get the support myself and DH needed.
This pregnancy we again told those closest to us straight away.
If you feel you would benefit in a worst case scenario by having told people beforehand, and also from a practical perspective of being around pregnant livestock, you should be able to do that, even if it is just those closest to you rather than an announcement type thing as a compromise?

@BertieBotts when you put it like that it really seems quite high! I’d never thought of it that way before but I really wish I had as I thought that there was something wrong with me at the time. Also reassuring when you mention more than one good scan post 10 weeks. Hopefully this little one is meant to stay x

But this thing with your mum, is he trying to protect you from that again? That must have added more hurt to a terrible situation.

@Mercedes519 that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. She basically told my that my extra weight had pushed the baby out of me hours after I’d had to go and see it’s lifeless little body on a scan. It was still inside me and I had to have a D&C as I wasn’t starting to M/C naturally. She then condemned my decision to have a D&C instead of choosing the ‘natural’ option. Almost insinuated that it was the ‘weak’ way out. We live the best part of an hour away from a hospital so if I were to haemorrhage, help was further away. My life would be in danger and I didn’t want my little girl to witness anything.

Wow
Ok that puts a whole new spin on it. I can totally see why he doesn't want your mum to know

So sorry about your mums reaction. Sounds heartbreaking for you x

Oh I’m used to it now! Nothing that comes out of her mouth could shock me anymore! She’ll be finding out tomorrow anyway if all goes well (which hopefully it does) I know I won’t get a congratulations but more of a lecture on my weight but after what happened last time I’m just so happy and grateful to be at this stage, I really am.