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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Husband disappeared during pregnancy

2 replies

Suki00000 · 27/11/2018 21:45

Hello,
I have got married to my English husband 2 years ago in UK. I am Japanese and currently working in the United States.
I am currently going through the divorce proceeding but then I found I am 6 week pregnant (It was last spur of moment).
I have considered an abortion or putting up for adoption but my husband said he would be a sole parent of a baby if it was born.
I strongly doubt this because he has 4 other children with 3 different mums and does not live with neither of them and pays very little for them. I feel he is just being controlling.
At the moment, he refused to give consent for adoption.

I'd like to know if there is any way to get him sign a document/contract that promises he will take care of a child.
I asked this in person and seem to have annoyed him so much. he got angry and said I do not trust him is frustrating and just bring a baby to his door if it's born (I have history of miscarriage) and he blocked all the contact.
If he doesn't take on, I would like an adoption process started as soon as possible so that adoptive family can feel included and I also feel supported.

My financial situation doesn't allow me to have custody and I want this baby have a life I cannot provide.
I have a 7yo from the previous marriage and I and my ex-husband are doing co-parenting amazingly and he is always present physically and emotionally for her.
I also feel guilty to bring a baby in this picture when their dad will be absent.

Is there any family lawyer you can recommend. He is based in SW London.
Is there anything I should consider in the document? I’d like him to be involved with pregnancy coming to a scan etc because his reason he didn’t feel bonded with his younger children was because he wasn't involved with pregnancy (I know this is an excuse though).

Thank you and waiting to hear from you.

OP posts:
saratustra · 27/11/2018 22:00

It doesn't sound like you can trust that man at all. If you decide to have the baby because that's your choice, great; but if you rather would stop the pregnancy don't carry on with it because he wants you to, or because a promise he made. He won't even sign a simple contract for something so so so important ffs, he can't be trusted.

Sorry OP, he sounds horrible.

Good luck xx

Topseyt · 28/11/2018 03:02

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position.

It is entirely your choice whether or not to continue with the pregnancy. Not your husband's.

I'm afraid I think you would be wasting your time trying to involve him in the pregnancy. He doesn't give a shit. He won't when the baby is born either. Plenty of Dads are hardly involved at all in the pregnancy, but take an active part in their children's lives, so I would pay no attention to such a lame excuse.

I know nothing about adoption forms. I hope you can find a good family solicitor or someone to advise. I don't know if being married (with divorce not yet finalise) will mean needing his signature? It might, I guess, but I would hope not. Again, you need legal advice.

I'll wish you all the best getting away from this dreadful man to your new life.

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