Smoking and depression, help!

[bumblebee39]

I am currently pregnant and am trying to quit smoking. I have all the NRT and do ok for a day or two then depression hits me really badly and I start again. It's the only thing that lifts my depression but I know I need to stop. I am on ADs can't up them or change them and can't go on anything else due to pregnancy.

I really want to stop. I feel it's affecting me bonding or even telling people I'm pregnant (just into the second trimester)
I was so proud of myself when I got a good carbon monoxide reading at the stop smoking clinic but then I just end up depressed and lapsing again.
Quit again but worried the depression will come back.

What can I do?

Ps. I know smoking in pregnancy is shitty and I don't need telling, I honestly feel so terrible.

I hope so OP. I craved cold things with my first pg. lollies and even ice cubes!!
I hated those workbooks. They made me feel worse just looking at them and I just filed them away and never did anything with them.
What helped me was a weekly plan. What did I have to do? What routine things should I fit in? What did I want to do? What would lift my mood? I would try not to cram too much in and have a balance of each.
Good luck.

@Wolfiefan

I try to plan 3 things to do every day

Eg. Toddler group in morning, phonecall to bank in the afternoon, load of washing in the evening.

Normally there is so much going on around that (school run, dinner, homework, bath times etc.) that it ends up feeling like a lot anyway (and I'm a bugger for adding unplanned stuff in even when I have a plan!) but it does help me to at least try and pace.
Writing it down makes it clear what days I can't do anything, so for example if I have an important meeting that might be the only thing I do that day, whereas on most days I can do three things (I try to make it a shit sandwich if i can not just shit shit and more shit)

Today I have achieved very little but I am hoping for a better day tomorrow

You’re doing great. Don’t forget to give yourself credit for what you do manage and not beat yourself up for what you can’t get done.

Thanks 😊

Very well done, OP! You are doing so many good things to help the situation, I’m not surprised it’s lifting your mood.
I get the feeling from reading your various posts that control is a big issue for you. The thing about bottling up feelings, not displaying “weakness” by crying, having an eating disorder and rigidly controlling calories or abusing laxatives - these all sound like an anxious person who is very self critical, expects criticism from others, is a bit of a perfectionist, and tries desperately to control all aspects of her life, despite struggling with some tough mental health issues.
Could you give some thought to treating yourself with the kindness that you show others? Have some compassion for the inner you, allow yourself to have feelings, to cry, to be a normal fallible human instead of attempting impossible perfection in all things.
Maybe the biggest thing is just to accept that you don’t have control of everything in life - none of us do. And that’s okay. It’s not scary or a failure, it just is.
I find if I’m not coping with something, I give it to God. Sometimes I swear at Him too! “Here, God, have this - I can’t bloody deal with it, please will You do something!”
Often the relief of simply handing over a problem, accepting I can’t solve it alone, is enough to start me feeling better.
If you aren’t comfortable with religious faith, that’s okay - you can give yourself permission to ask for human help, instead.
But as a Christian myself, I’d like to tell you that you are loved and valued by God just as you are.
I’d like you to start valuing yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin, and giving yourself praise and encouragement instead of criticism and overthinking things. Give it a try, OP! And here’s another hug, to keep you going!

Thanks @Babdoc

I am feeling good about today
Despite tears, not going any housework, and generally being crap at getting anything done of any kind, as well as most of a tub of icecream, I am still smoke free.

I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am trying to be less hard on myself.

I want to get the house sorted tomorrow but not going to punish myself if it's not show home standard and am trying to relax a bit. I need to make more of an effort to eat properly (and feed the kids properly!) so want to make a proper cooked meal (instead of crap) a priority too.

I am relieved not to be smoking. I feel better able to bond with this baby although I am noticeably short tempered with the 2 DCs I have already...

I think I do need to learn how to love myself and about self care. It was pointed out to be on MN before that even my "relaxing" sounded "stressful" 😂

I always structure things and beat myself up for any down time that isn't "productive"

My older DC is showing signs of anxiety and sleep issues and I think if I could relax it would help her too. I don't want to continue the cycle.
I certainly don't want to hand on any bad habits- be that smoking, poor eating or being my own worst enemy!

You’re allowed to cry.
Housework can wait.
Ice cream is a vital food group for preganant women. True fact!
And you haven’t smoked. Yay you. Be proud!!

Thanks @Wolfiefan

I’m proud of/for you!!

Had a horrible day and lapsed again God I'm kicking myself but turned into a horrible person again

I am going to the Dr on Monday to speak to them about my medication I don't think it's been good since I've cut down on it and think I might need something else

I genuinely just feel so crap and I think the smoking is neither here nor there now the depression is regardless and my anxiety is through the roof.

I am trying so hard but it just doesn't seem to work and I think the depression is maybe a bigger issue than the smoking now.

I don't know whether to ring out of hours? Don't want to make a fuss about nothing but literally spent the whole day either shouting or crying and not sure how long I can go on like this...

You’re really not making a fuss about nothing. You need help and support to get you out of this hole. You aren’t a horrible person. You’re someone suffering.

@Wolfiefan

I'm not horrible but I am being horrible I'm unhappy and I'm taking it out on those around me which isn't fair.
I think I've gone beyond "self help" and need to get some proper help

I'm scared incase it looks like I'm failing/not coping but i also know MH also gets worse during pregnancy and after so it's kind of to be expected that I'd struggle, especially considering everything that's going on.

I'm ready to ask for help but I don't know what that looks like/entails? Obviously waiting lists referrals etc. Take ages so my best hope is medication for the time being even though I'm loathe to change it it seems like I don't have much choice

I know how scary changing medication can be. (Which is why I’ve chickened out and I’m doing it Monday! )
There are so many things that can help and it’s not just medication. I would speak to GP and see what they suggest.
Good luck OP.

UPDATE

So after a couple more weeks of stopping using NRT and starting smoking I have given in and got an electronic cigarette.
I know they are not approved in pregnancy and still quite Unknown the affects but it seems like a good measure because then I can eliminate some of the chemicals and stuff and mostly use the gum etc. But still have something to "smoke" when I'm really stressed out

My depression is really bad at the moment and I am having to look at my life really hard to make it manageable.
Cigarettes were my last form of "self medication" other than my ADs so it's a tough habit to curb but I want to quit ASAP
I know nicotine in pregnancy isn't Perfect but much better than tobacco

Quitting smoking can have depressive effects. Add that to also suffering with depression it will make it feel like it's making it worse.

Try saying to yourself, this is temporary, it will go away. Because it will!

Nicotine isn't actually harmful. It is stimulant the same as caffeine etc. It is better to just have nicotine than it is to have all the other chemicals too.

You're doing well! Remember if you do have a cig it is not a failure just a set back. If you see it as a failure to will never succeed

That's what I'm trying to see it as, lapsing and then continuing in the process of quitting
Every day I go without (or hour or half day or week or whatever) is better than every one I do smoke and every cigarette less the better
I've definitely cut right down and am having more smoke free days than smoking ones
Hoping the E-cig helps

Read Alan Carr's book on giving up.

Hi OP, it sounds like you’re doing a lot better, good for you!

I’ve never smoked so can only imagine how tough this is for you but I just thought I’d suggest hypnosis if you haven’t tried it before? It worked for my brother (off them 5 years) and my friend’s fiancé (about a year now). Just an idea.

Best of luck xx

@GabbyGal I had hypnosis for panic attacks (successfully) but am now too scared to have it again incase it undoes the good done before

@PipGoesPop

Not sure I could cope with one of his books. I find him very difficult to listen to and imagine Id read it in his voice!

Not that Alan Carr 'go aaaun luuuuve ave a faaaag'. It's Allen Carr, I mispelt his name. I stopped over 15 years ago after reading that having been a smoker for 15 years.

I knew who you meant xx

Exactly. There's a thread I think it's in quitting smoking. And a lady on there says rather than counting the cigarettes you've smoked count the ones you haven't.

So if you normally smoke 20 per day but today you smoked 5 that's 15 you haven't smoked.

You're doing brill. Keep going

Zero so far today
Would have been 20+ before I found out I was pregnant so

That's amazing bumblebee! Keep it up.