Such a mess. Unplanned pregnancy

[Emz2019]

Me and my partner had a baby 4 months ago and also have a poorly 1year old who is in and out of hospital and due to go back in for a while. We have been using condoms since the birth while I waited for my coil to be fitted. A few weeks ago I had taken two pregnancy tests which both immediately came up with very dark lines, after posting on here people were very nice saying there are options available. So after a long hard talk me and my partner decided to end the pregnancy. I went to my consultation and decided to go ahead with the procedure and I would return today for he treatment. After returning today I could not go ahead. It suddenly felt so wrong. So I’m sat at home, still pregnant, my head is a mess. How could I juggle another baby when my baby won’t even be 1 year old when this baby is born!! My other child in and out of hospital very poorly. My partner at the time was ok about me not going ahead but now he seams to be wishing I had because it’s gping to be impossible with another baby he says and he believes ending the pregnancy would have been for the best. Now I don’t know what to do or wher to turn

It's a very difficult predicament to be in so I'm sending you big hugs!

You have quite a while yet to decide whether you want to go ahead with this pregnancy so don't force yourself to make a decision right now. Whatever you decide, we'll be here for you

I remember your previous post and just wanted to say you're dealing with all of this incredibly well. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be in this situation.

From what I remember of your first post, it sadly did make logical sense that another child would be very very hard. HOWEVER emotions are not logical and it's absolutely normal that you feel attached to this baby and you have to make whatever decision you feel would be easier to live with.

If you were to go ahead with a termination, do you think that would be what you wanted? If you were to go ahead and have the baby would you be able to manage? Whatever you feel would have a lesser damaging impact on your MH is what you should go with but I know it seems an impossible decision to make.

In practical terms, your 4 month old isn't a major obstruction. Certainly the small age gap will be challenging but absolutely doable. The bigger issue is having 2 other children and your poorly 1 year old. Forgive me if you answered this in your previous post but is your 1 year old's medical condition likely to be ongoing for a long period of time? I only ask because if it is something that is short term (a year or 2 maybe) then having the baby if you can't face a termination may be feasible. It would be difficult for the duration of the illness absolutely but if there would be an end in sight in the short term it may be that you could make it work.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I don't envy the decision you have to make but as long as the decision is the right one for you it's the right one.

Hey @Emz2019 Dnt beat urself up its not an easy choice to make but if u decide ur going to keep the baby im sure when he/she arrives they will fit in to ur lives perfectly.. everyone has struggles but we always get there in the end.. U will have ur work cut out but ur DC will be best friends for life. Good luck with everything if u decide to continue ur pregnancy x

Thank you everyone. My 1 year old has a life long disability with multiple operations along the way, hundreds of hospital appointments and admissions too. Something as simple as him catching a cold can easily land him in hospital for a week as he becomes so poorly from it. I feel I need to decide quickly as the longer I leave it the more developed this baby will be and the harder it is to let go but my feelings are already strong for this baby. The hospital did give me a number for a councillor so I may ring them but I doubt they can help me

If you do decide to go ahead, you will have the possibility of a tight little unit of two siblings who are closely bonded and support each other when things get difficult with their elder sibling. In a couple of years, you might find that they start to entertain each other, making it easier for you to devote time to your eldest.

Of course, you’ve got to get there first! But if you decide you can get there, I’m sure it will be worth it.

It would be a very hard thing to do, though. If you decide you can’t go through with it, there is absolutely no shame in that whatsoever. You have to look after your own mental health as best you can.

Hugs

I've been there, different circumstances (autistic dd beating up young sibling when I found out we weren't as careful as we thought). I didn't go through with the pregnancy, I simply couldn't cope. Do what's right for your family rather than anything we say.

Bless you. My BF had her second and third two 11 months apart. Yes it was stressful but I know she wouldn’t change a thing and is even considering a fourth. Having them close together means they’ll all be at the same ages which has a lot of perks. Of course it won’t be easy but you will manage. This can only be your decision though, but it seems like your heart isn’t in a termination? Good luck to you whatever you choose

Can i just say I am also going through the same feelings. I have one child who is 3. At the weekend I took a test to find i was pregnant. I instantly went into shock. I was never 100% sure if i wanted any more and kept everything just incase but now in the situation i instantly feel like its a huge mistake. I have cried everyday worrying wot am i going to do. I dont feel the excitement I did when I found out with my first.
U have have to do wots right for u. Mabe speak to a professional they might be able to give some advice. Sending u love in whatever choice you chose to make x

You can speak to loads of other people who can give you many different points of view, some of them closer to yours than mine will be.

From my perspective, I'd think about how another child is going to impact your other loved ones. You already have a child with lifelong disabilities, and a DH trying hard to support that, among many other things. Much as you feel attached to this, I personally would want to give the people who already exist the maximum possible amount of your support, and by definition, due to limited time and money, additional children lessen the support you can provide to the other members of the family. It might be easier to go through with if you think of it as something you do for your the people in your life who you love already, rather than just "because I didn't want another".

Your choice, your thoughts, whatever you decide. Best of luck and positive vibes.