When to tell people

[FrancesV83]

Hi, so I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (4w +1) and I’m wondering when to tell my family.
There’s a lot of trauma going on in my family at the moment (my nana is terminally ill with cancer and going in and out of the hospice, my grandads cancer has returned and he’s due to have an operation and my father in law has been in and out of hospital this month).
I want to share my happy news with my mum and dad but I’m also mindful that it’s early days and anything could go wrong and I wouldn’t want to add anything more to their plate but on the flip side if something bad did happen with the baby I would want to have their support.
It’s a tricky one, sorry for the long rambling post. What would you do?

Tell the people who would want support from is you have a miscarriageZ

I'm quite a private person, and my family can be overbearing so am not telling anyone until after 12 weeks. I've had a MC before and a few friends know, but I prefer to deal with things and then tell people if I choose.

It depends on you and how open you normally would be. Friends of mine have told everyone at 6 weeks so it's really what you feel comfortable with.

Thank you for your replies.
It’s so difficult isn’t it?! I know my parents would want to be there for me if I miscarried I’m just scared to give them good news and then have to tell them something bad!
I suppose I should be more optimistic and think that this pregnancy will be fine, why shouldn’t it be?

I told my mum and my sister. When I miscarried I really needed them to be there for me. If I am ever fortunate enough to be pregnant again then I would tell them again. I couldn't have gone through that loss without them.

I've told those that I would tell if anything happened. Everyone else can find out after 12 weeks.

@smartcarnotsosmartdriver
Yeah, I think you’re right. My mum is such an amazing support that she’d want tone there for me no matter what happens.
I might surprise them at Christmas with our news!

• to be not tone

I'm 27+4 now but I told my mum at 7 weeks (I found out at 5 weeks ish, but she had just gone on a 2 week holiday so was hard not to let it out the bag especially as I've craved this baby for many years) my partner told his other son who is 12 and lives in America with his mum when I was 10 weeks as he'd not been able to get hold of him for a while and was worried it would be a while again before they spoke seeing as he's at that age where being out with friends is much better than phone calls/Skyping with dad! So told him then as was important he was the first to know before everyone else, if I didn't feel the need to talk to someone about it he'd have known before my mum but was too excited. Everyone else found out the day his other son did or the few days following. My dad seemed not annoyed but concerned id told anyone before the first scan but he said after he was in more shock than anything so didn't come across excited/supportive at all. Think it's down to personal preference really x

With my DD we waited until after the 12 week scan to tell anybody. Our parents (mainly my MIL) had been asking us when we were going to have kids for a while. If something had of happened they would have then been aware we were TTC and I’m pretty sure we’d constantly be getting asked if we were pregnant again yet. I didn’t need/want that pressure. I’m currently pregnant with #2 and I think we’ll have to tell our family before the 12week scan this time as it won’t be till January and they’ll guess anyway the minute they see I’m not drinking over Xmas!

We're going to tell our families after our first scan, all being well, which will be at 8+4. I would have waited a bit longer but we don't see my family often so if I want to tell them in person then that's the only opportunity.

My parents are having a rough time with my dad just being diagnosed with incurable cancer. We will tell them at Christmas when I'm about 16 weeks. We wanted to have our scans and NIPT results sorted - I didn't feel like giving them good news and then potentially retracting it a month later. I don't think that would be fair for them right now. We are incredibly close knit and it's been hard not spilling the beans. Right now the only people who know are me and DH.

I was in a similar situation. I'm hoping this is irrelevant to you, but thought it was worthwhile sharing. We found out we were expecting just after my sister was admitted to a hospice for end of life care. We told my sister and BIL but that was it. A few weeks later I did MC. This turned out to be a few days before my sister took a serious downturn. I told my BIL what happened as I was admitted to hospital under observation so couldn't help with childcare. I didn't tell my immediate family what happened until a few months later. I felt much better when they knew as it felt like something I'd been carrying around on my own to some extent. However even with hindsight, I still wouldn't have told them at the time. I think this is due to how imminent everything was with my sister. This time around I told those who'd known about the MC either straightaway or around 6/9 weeks when we had extra scans.