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Original poster

I don't know what to do, please don't judge....

38 replies

DeeDs33 · 26/11/2018 09:36

Hello,
I'm absolutely devastated that I have to discuss this on here but I really need advice from outsiders or women that have been in similar situations.
Ok, I'll try keep this short.
Basically I have found out I'm pregnant. My partner of 12 months has a low sperm count and in his previous relationship had failed IVF attempts so to him this would mean everything. We have not been actively trying to conceive. I've been on the pill but I've also run a course of antibiotics a few weeks ago so here's the outcome, I'm not acting innocent as yes it did cross my mind that my pill wouldn't be as effective but I also overlook that with my bfs low sperm count, so I hold all responsibilities here.
I have two beautiful sons from my previous relationship 3&6 and my boyfriend is amazing with them. It would all seem a good setting right? ....... wrong....
My partner has a Cocaine habit SadI didn't realise the extent of it until recent, the closer we got the more he's opened up! He can't have a drink without the stuff, he has to use it every week or I've noticed he gets the shakes, flu like symptoms and is basically itching for it! I've never had him around my children or in my house at any point when that stuff is involved , So please don't judge me. My ex controlled me and I swore never to control anyone so I can't stop him from taking it as long as it's away from home. I've discussed with him my concerns of his dependency, but as all addicts he laughs it off and says he doesn't need it.... there's way more behind this story but that's the just of it... I'm actually considering ending this pregnancy, mentally I can't go through another pregnancy and be left with a newborn if the drugs cause more problems. That happened with my ex (minus the drugs) and it almost finished me ... Please could I have some advice from women who's partner is addicted to cocaine and the impact it has had on your family. I'm so confused.
Thank you Lovelies xx

OP posts:
Original poster
DeeDs33 · 30/11/2018 13:58

Thank you for your support everyone, it's so nice to have people to talk to/take advice from. I have an appointment on Friday 7th December up the hospital to discuss things and go ahead with a termination if I wish to do so .... If me telling him that I pregnant with his first child isn't enough to make him stop using, especially as he has had failed IVF with his ex partner and had "written children off" in his own words. Then this would be a huge mistake! To give a drug addict a baby knowingly would be morally wrong and setting the child up for a lifetime of disappointment and not only the baby but my two beautiful boys that deserve the absolute best from me Sad

OP posts:
Watchingthetelly · 30/11/2018 14:03

You sound like a sensible woman and a great mother OP.

JustHereForThePooStories · 30/11/2018 14:07

Have you ended the relationship, @DeeDS33? Do you have support in doing so?

Original poster
DeeDs33 · 30/11/2018 14:58

I have ended the relationship. I've giving him my reasons, he's turned nasty and trying to twist the situation now by saying I'm using this as an excuse because I don't want his child. No mention of the drug use. I was so happy when I found out, but then I assessed the situation and the severity of what I was about to do. I've had to block his contact for now.

OP posts:
JustHereForThePooStories · 30/11/2018 15:20

Do you have friends or family around who can help and support you?

Cleojinx · 30/11/2018 15:42

Sorry for what you're going through OP Thanks

Unfortunately addicts are selfish people and it seems he is completely in denial about the fact that he has an issue so it's not likely to get sorted soon.

Good for you by making absolutely the right decision for yourself and your children. Not everyone would

IDrinkAndISewThings · 30/11/2018 15:43

You sound like you've got your head screwed on at least, good on you OP, I don't know if I could be as strong!

My friends OH has a 'casual' coke habit, and from my experiences hand holding with her, it's not just the dangerous substance that's the issue, it's the financial insecurity, the way her and their children disappear from his priorities list, and the worry.

Remove him and his emotional responses from your decision-making. Decide for yourself if you want to carry and raise his child, alone. Harsh, but it seems the most likely scenario.

BastardGoDarkly · 30/11/2018 16:00

Hard as it is. I think you've made the right decision.

If he absolutely cleans up, maybe you could try again, but for now, you're doing the best for you and your boys.

Nesssie · 30/11/2018 16:06

100% the right decision. You cannot have someone around your children who does cocaine whether or not its away from home. SS won't care and the effects will follow him home anyway.

pompomcat · 30/11/2018 21:31

You're being very strong OP. Wishing you all the best Thanks

Original poster
DeeDs33 · 01/12/2018 07:13

Good Morning. Thank you again for all your support. I do have some support, but obviously I feel so disappointed with myself for being in this situation so I can't really tell people the whole story. I'll be ok. I'm racked with guilt this morning. This man has always wanted to be a father and you could see how happy he was when I told him the news. On the other side of that though I do understand if he was that happy he wouldn't have proceeded to tell me he will be "going out on the sesh" in a week or two. I'm sticking with my decision. He came here last night and we had a massive fall out but I managed to tell him everything and I said he really needs help, He called me an evil c##t and stupid f##king bitch for even considering ended the pregnancy. I know he was angry but I've never been spoken to like that before. Thank god I have my two beautiful sons! They're going to keep me strong the next few weeks. Thank you again for all your kind words and support! It really does mean a lot.

OP posts:
Watchingthetelly · 01/12/2018 08:15

That sounds so nasty. Well done on staying so strong x

Dvg · 01/12/2018 09:02

Wow... good going op though, I know it's hard... my friend had a baby with a drug taker :( she thought it would change him but instead he died from an overdose 3 years later and now that little girl hasn't got a dad .. he chose the drugs. He was offered help at every turn but still denied he ever had a problem even though be was taking drugs everyday.

Once the baby was born Whenever he was really high he would get violent and always blame anyone but himself.

Trust me, you did the right thing because if he can't see how his drug addiction is a bad thing then there is no hope for him and I wouldn't want him having any ties to me. Xx good luck OP

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