Hi all, don't know if I'm posting in the correct section but as I'm pregnant I thought I'd just post under pregnancy and have a rant (my apologies in advance).
I'm 37 weeks, live at home with family until I have to leave on the 30th of Nov as I've been asked to leave by my mum. I went to the council months ago about this and they haven't been much help so far but I have decided I will show up on their doors on the 30th with a suitcase as I have no where else to go.
Anyway the reason I'm posting is because I'm stressed about my family being selfish and wanted to know if some of you can relate? Also is it safe for me to test out oils such as Lavender oil to help with the stress in pregnancy? (That's very random but hey ho).
I know a hostel isn't a good place for a baby but tbh I won't be sad to leave home either as I've had enough of the pettiness of my mum and her boyfriend (mainly her boyfriend). They both smoke like chimneys in every room of the house and have done through out my whole pregnancy, they shut every window in the house even in the summer so I could smell the smoke in the kitchen when I'd make food. I've asked my mum to smoke outside numerous times but she she doesn't and uses the excuse 'It wasn't long ago that you smoked.' Erm I gave up smoking 10/11 months ago before I even got pregnant but that's her excuse for not smoking outside... I can't even wash my clothes without my mum making a big deal about me using the clothes horse to hang my clothes up (now that it's winter it feels like a wasted attempt hanging clothes up outside as it just rains and the clothes get wet again). But what's funny is, they will use up the clothes horse for some socks and space them out, I'm sure my mums boyfriend does it on purpose. It's just selfishness! Oh and I also can't make dinner until at least half 9/10pm every night because my mums boyfriend spends like 5 hours in the kitchen hovering around. He did kick me out of the kitchen at half 5 a few months ago because he wanted to make dinner, so basically he's allowed to have dinner at a normal time but I've got to wait until midnight
? I don't like going in the kitchen when he's in there as he makes me feel uncomfortable, for some reason he also lies to neighbours making it out my brother is his son but he's not related to him in any way...I find that kind of weird. And no he didn't raise either of us, he met us when I was 17/18 (I'm 25 now) and my brother is a year younger. My mum was a single parent for the majority of my childhood, so I find it kind of annoying that he's pretending like he had anything to do with raising either of us...I think it might have something to do with the fact he was an orphan or something, don't think he has any family of his own as I've never met them. I'm also frustrated because my mum doesn't want to help me with anything, asking her to do anything with me when her boyfriend is at work seems like a chore for her... but when I was thinking of adoption in the early stages she was all 'you know you'll get lots of help' and 'it's my first grandchild' yes right... It's a challenge just to get a suitcase from the loft because apparently now that she's got a boyfriend, she can't do anything without him including going up a stepladder. I'd do it myself but I have no clue where it is up there and I don't want to risk going up that ladder on carpet as I'm pregnant.
In the week when her boyfriend is at work, I feel like having a conversation with my mum is annoying to her...it's like I'm talking to myself, she doesn't even look at me half the time and basically ignores me. She just keeps her eyes on her tablet, tv or whatever else she's doing and doesn't add much to the conversation. We don't do anything sociable together as she only wants to do stuff with her boyfriend. She uses the excuse for not being able to help me or do something with me by saying she's busy with work but then she will take a nap in the middle of the day instead...she wouldn't nap if her boyfriend wasn't at work. She also is with her boyfriend all weekend so it's not like she helps me with anything at the weekend, I had to go to the tour and class at the hospital by myself because she would rather go shopping with her boyfriend. And if I do have a conversation with her about what SHE has been up to, she always says 'We' instead of 'I' which I don't have a problem with as yes she's doing it with him but I don't really care what he's doing, if I've asked her what she's been up to I'm trying to have a convo with my mum and I feel it's unnecessary to make the convo about him. She's actually moaned at me before saying I'm rude to her boyfriend because I don't talk to him, he'll also go to her and say I didn't say hi back to him one time and make a big deal about it which causes more tension between me & my mum...I say hi if I hear him, what more does she want? I have nothing in common with him and he's also been rude to me in the past but do I go snitching to her like he does? No. I feel like if that's his way of trying to get me to like him, by moaning about everything I do to my mum, then he's going about it the wrong way.
My mother also moans about how I've chosen to parent before my child is even born by telling me I NEED a dummy and saying I should express straight away so 'other' people can feed the baby... I'm just going to assume when she says other people she means her boyfriend. He wants to play grandad does he? Haha not happening. It annoys me because again, she's making things about her boyfriend like always, I won't be surprised if she isn't a good grandmother because she'll insist her boyfriend is there for when it's convenient for her to make the effort. And if I have to hear him talking about prices on baby stuff again even though he has never raised a baby, I think I will lose my mind. He acts like he knows everything about everything, another reason I don't talk to him much. I'm also not close to my brother which is kind of normal for us, for the majority of my pregnancy he's been rude to me and the only time he acts like I exist is when he wants to have a go at me.
Anyway I do wonder if my mum would even bother coming to see me once I've had the baby without her boyfriend...probably not. I would like privacy to practice breastfeeding and bond with my baby but to ask her to come to the hospital without her boyfriend seems like it would be a miracle at this point.
I hardly doubt anyone has an exact problem like this but does anyone have a mother that doesn't put in effort but only when it's convenient for them? I know I might just get a reply saying 'well why don't you move out and never speak to your mum again, live on your own two feet and problem solved.' But right now I can't just not talk to my family as I still live here but on top of that, I don't want to just stop talking to my mum as she's the only support I have. As you probably can already guess, I am going to be a single mum My ex wants nothing to do with her, I don't have any friends and I'm not close to the rest of my family (my family is kind of small and half of them live far away). So I take the help where I get it, the uncertainty of not knowing where I'm going to live is stressing me out on top of this but any kind of favour I ask from my mum seems like an annoyance.
Can anyone relate and have any advice for me? I've already told my mum that I'm not going to bumlick her boyfriend which didn't go down well but when she moans at me for how I act to him or around him, it makes me feel like I've got to be fake to please him and tbh I don't care if I please him.
Rant over. 