Worried I won't love my second child

[AnnieNonaMouse]

I'm 21 weeks pregnant with DS2, but don't really feel bonded to him at all. I have a really close relationship with my firstborn and feel so worried about how a new baby will affect it, as well as how hard it will be for him.

With my first pregnancy it was all I could think about. I was obsessed. But this time I almost forget I'm pregnant half the time. I don't really feel much towards the baby/pregnancy other than a feeling of almost dread (I feel so ashamed writing that), and guilt that this poor baby is almost an afterthought. I feel especially awful about it as before falling pregnant I thought I was desperate for a second child. I did feel relief during both of my scans when everything was found to be ok, but no real sense of excitement.

I suppose I would just like to know whether this is a common experience in second pregnancies, or if I really am having bonding issues. Can anyone reassure me that it will all be fine once baby arrives? Please be gentle.

I was so in love with my first DC that I couldn’t imagine an equal love for my second. It happens. The minute they’re born. I now have 2 DC who adore each other and fight over toys. I couldn’t tell you which one I love more. They’re individuals and I love DC2 just as much as DC1. You’ll soon find out .... congratulations!

I can't relate I'm afraid but I do understand. A friend posted this poem the other day which I think is so wonderful.

My secondborn baby, I have to tell you the truth.
One day you’ll probably ask me
About why everything wasn’t
Bright, shiny and
New
For you.

And when you ask me, I will tell you the truth;
The truth about
The hand-me-downs,
The caffeine and soft cheese
During pregnancy,
My lack of a birth plan,
And weekly bump photos;
The fact that I didn’t wait With bated breath For every single milestone.
The difficult truths
Like the fact that You had to cry more
Wait more
Share more.
The fact that I,
Your mama,
Was often not the best version of myself.

But dear, sweet, secondborn,
Let me also tell you this.
The truth is,
Before you were born, I doubted the infinity of love
And yet
The moment they placed you in my arms,
Cocooned in blankets,
With your button nose and scrunched up lips,
Eyes firmly shut and so new to this world,
It’s as if I grew
A whole new heart
Just for you.

The truth is,
Darling girl,
It was you who taught me
To really believe
That despite the guilt, the worry,
The urgent need to be everything to everyone,
That in fact, I am enough, as I am.
Yes, I was already someone’s mother
When you came into my life But you made me
A better one.

And so, the truth is,
Dear secondborn,
When one day you start to wonder why
Things were different when you came along
Know this, my love: I never knew How much my heart could hold,
Until I held you;
How you weren’t an addition,
But a piece that was missing;
And how now that a year has passed,
After everything we’ve been through,
The love and joy You have brought
Makes me feel
Bright,
Shiny
And new
Every day

I haven't read all the comments but I think I feel the same way you do. Awww r first I was excited and then every second I spent with my first born and the love I feel for that person I don't think I could split it let alone feel it I'm scared that I'll resent my 2nd born or feel nothing towards them. I know it's a horrible subject and I feel disgusting saying what I am because every child deserves to be loved but I never thought I would feel this way and it breaks my heart

And I also don't feel pregnant my belly is getting bigger. I'm getting symptoms. But I just don't feel the way I do with my first and it honestly breaks my heart. And if my children ever read this I couldn't forgive myself