Financial worries and doubts

[Cairnsybot]

Hello. I am mainly seeking some reassurance tonight. Please no judgement. I feel bad enough already.
I am 15 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My partner and I have been together just under a year so not all that long, and it wasn't planned. Some backstory, if you're interested, is that I was with my ex for almost 9 years, we were trying for a family for around 8 months and nothing, then 2 weeks after we split he had gotten his new gf pregnant. I had also been having very irregular periods for a while now, saw a consultant who said I was probably not ovulating, so I had convinced myself that it would be difficult for me to start a family. Obviously not! So deep down I'm thinking this is all meant to be. However, I do have strong concerns about how we will cope financially. I work full time in a fairly decent paying job, however my partner has been unable to find stable work. Since he lives with me and this whole universal credit business is calculated on the household income, we are not entitled to any help. The money is therefore 100% my responsibility. This is a lot of pressure for me and we get by month to month, but never have much left over. It makes me really anxious and pretty depressed tbh, especially when by mid month we have to be really frugal and end up unable to go anywhere or do anything because I don't have the extra funds. I guess it's maybe not that tragic since I do have enough to put food on the table but I'm just sick of just getting by, and I really worry how I will even be able to cope when the baby comes. My partner has been trying really hard to find a job, but he keeps getting knocked back or overlooked. He does not have many qualifications, and not a whole lot of experience. Anyway all of this is leading me to feel doubtful about whether this is the right thing. I know it's too late to change it now (I am not considering abortion), but honestly I feel kinda trapped. I am also not the typical maternal type, and although I like the idea of being pregnant, I haven't really felt that maternal bond yet. It's nice that it's in there, everything is normal and healthy which is great, but I dunno, I always expected to feel an all-consuming love and I just...don't. Please tell me others have felt this way :(
Purely due to my financial worries, I feel ashamed to admit that a small part of me almost hopes for nature to take its course to take off the extra pressure. I feel so terrible for even thinking that.

I know the solution is for my partner to get a job, but it's not that easy when the decision is out of his hands. Please tell me these are all normal worries?? Or am I a terrible person who doesn't deserve a family??

A lot of families struggle financially. But you make it work.
Just so long as your partner doesn't give up. I'm sure he'll find a job in the end.
Could he study first to aid his chances? Find an apprenticeship or something?
Do volunteer work to help his CV?

As for not feeling the all consuming love, I never did either. Not even when baby was born.
It took time for the bond to grow. This is normal too.
Everything will be alright. Just keep striving x

Newborns aren’t that expensive I believe it’s when they get older they require more. You can buy things second hand , do u have any friends with kids ? they might give you baby clothes they don’t need and people will probably buy you a few presents. Don’t panic I will also be struggling but didn’t think I could have children so I believe it’s meant to be. I’m sure your partner will get work ! x

Thankyou!! I was expecting loads of negativity.
I was thinking about an apprenticeship for him, but the pay is so poor I'm not sure we could manage, although I guess it's got to be better than earning nothing. It's just so frustrating looking for ajob when everywhere wants you to already have experience.
Ahh I'm so relieved to hear that this is normal. I really thought I was trash for not feeling all gushy inside.
To be fair my wage will be increasing in the next few years so I'm relieved that I'll be able to cope better when they get more expensive. People always say how expensive children are e so I assumed that was from when they first arrive!

Kids are only expensive if you make it expensive. There is always deals on nappies and wipes loads of second hand baby clothes only buy what you think you will need and use and not what is top of the baby buys list..

I agree raising children is as expensive as you make it. Me and my partner both work (iam on maternity atm) but dont have particularly well paid jobs. We have a 4 month old dd and he also has 3 older children from his previous marriage. Don't buy things that aren't necessary, we got lots of things second hand and were very lucky to have a Moses basket and clothes gifted to us. We bought a travel system for under £200 from online4baby.com, which comes with carry cot and 0+ car seat, the pram then can be used as an upright pushchair. We buy nappies, wipes and formula from Aldi, one tub of formula a week is £6.99 and nappies are also cheap. Now she's in size 3 and only using about 6 nappies a day a jumbo pack of 96 nappies lasts us almost 4 weeks and cost less than a fiver. Before the baby was due we went through all our outgoings and tried to cut any costs that we could. We also now do our shopping at Aldi so our shopping budget has gone down alot. It's hard but it's not impossible

When i got pregnant my husband was unemployed and i had some similar worries about how we would manage financially. We were very lucky that we have been able to get most of the things we need for the baby second hand and free. The best advice i was given was to not rush out to buy anything.

Lots of friends who have finished having kids were keen to get rid of kid stuff they no longer use, so we are sorted for clothes up to 9 months. We were able to pick up a changing table, wardrobe, cloth nappies, baby bottles, and maternity clothes from generous people on freecycle. Friends and work colleagues have been really good at checking out whether they had anything we could use (slings, bouncers, booster seats, travel cot, next to me cot). Anything we still need i plan to check charity shops for if i am not able to pick up from freecycle/ebay/friends.

So far i have spent £25 on a bundle of maternity clothes from ebay, spent some more getting some work clothes from george (black trousers were £12, maternity vests £3 in a sale), and we have bought the car seat new from mothercare but were able to buy it in a sale (which seem to happen really regularly).

Had we bought new everything that we have i think we would have spent one or two thousand pounds. It is definitely as expensive as you make it. My husband started a permanent job last week, which is a huge relief, and change is always possible.

If you do want maternity clothes which I have never bought and I am pregnant with number 4 go to primark and just get a bigger size and plenty of leggings they also do maternity bras £10 for a twin pack..