Pregnant at 40!!!

[lovetapdancingandrainbows]

Hi all,

I found out this morning via our friend the ClearBlue digital that I’m pregnant - 1-2 weeks! It’ll be my first baby and I’m scared to death.

I suffered a miscarriage 2 years ago and since then, nothing. Until now!! My partner isn’t exactly over the moon about it. He’s got 2 small children to his ex-partner and didn’t really want any more children.

It’s always been my dream to be a mother. Except my partner isn’t supportive - he tends to disappear for hours drinking when he’s not seeing his kids. He owes me thousands of pounds which he doesn’t pay back (except for a few hundred pounds here and there).

I could probably manage on my own, but am aware that this isn’t going to be easy. I’m scared that I’ll have another miscarriage (my last experience was awful and really, really scary - bleeding profusely at home).

I guess I was just looking for reassurance!! For any other Mums that are elderly like me he he :) And for some support, given my useless partner.

I’ll call my GP on Monday and hopefully get an early scan as soon as it’s possible to see a heartbeat. Fingers crossed. It’s a bit of a dream come true for me - I thought that now I was 40, there was no hope - especially after 2 years of trying.

Thanks for reading and hoping for some positive encouragement!!

Not of similar age, but just to say, you're right, parenting isn't easy, but the good outweighs any of the struggles!
You can do it with or without him and I'm sure you'll be great!
Congratulations!

Thanks so much for your reply. That gives me strength and hope!!

Luckily, I have grit and determination on my side - as well as a bit of life experience! I have a feeling that I’m really blessed to be pregnant. It might actually cause me to re-evaluate my life with my partner.

If he can’t change and put me first (erm, before the pub rather than his existing children can I just say!), then I’ll probably leave him. Like the other Mother of his children did.

Maybe this is my time to put myself (and the little bean) first. And not put up with anymore rubbish from him :)

Xxx

I’m sure you will be fine - I am older than you and 24 weeks with my first.

I think being older gives you are more mature perspective, there are clearly pros and cons of any age but you have the courage to do what you know is right.

Good luck

I'm 39 with 6month old. It's amazing
Super supportive dh tho. Even if you do end up leaving the useless sod...uhm...dp (which I am suggesting) , he will be the father of this child and you will still have to deal with his shit. Just make the choice to never let him get to you. You can do this!

I'm 37 and 16 weeks. Probably going to be doing this alone as partner is the same and prefers the boozer to me and his 4 year old. His loss, this baby is my priority and I'm sure we'll manage. Stay strong!

Aww big big congratulations!! I'm not that far away from 40 and about 8 weeks pregnant, this is not my first tho.
It isn't easy but I agree, the benefits well outweigh the hardships.
I stayed in a relationship with my older kids dad for 13 years cause I thought it would be too hard to cope on my own. Know what I learned??
I ended up doing everything for my kids on my own anyway (cause he showed very little interest) but having him there made doing so 10 times harder. My life with my children was so much easier when I got rid!!
I'm not saying get rid of your man, I'm just saying it's not as hard as you think doing it alone. Sounds like he needs you more the you need him, but not for the reason you want him to need you!!
Good luck, I hope it all works out whatever you choose. You will LOVE being mummy btw 😃 xx

Thanks to everyone for your replies. It means the world to me right now - and the hormones, which are making me cry reading all the replies....damn you blooming things!!

Roses....I think you might be right. Suddenly being pregnant has forced me to reconsider exactly what the useless lump actually does for me. Absolutely nothing. And preferred to be at the pub this evening, despite me doing a test alone this morning (because he was too hungover to pay any attention!!).

Scottay.....we can do this together!! Sorry to hear you’ve had a tough time. It sounds like there’s a lot of these idiot men about. But I am kind of grateful to my lump of an idiot - I’m hopefully going to have a beautiful baby to show for it in 8 months time or so. At the very least.

Whatever I choose, I know I’ll have some lovely people here to support me and who understand.

A massive congratulations to all of you who are expecting and are on this journey with me. I’m really glad I joined and have somewhere to speak to people xxx

I’m 47 and a single mum to an amazing 6 year old daughter. Just wanted to say a massive congratulations, you can do this! 🎉

Thanks so much MadameJosephine - I really appreciate your words. I’m starting to believe that maybe I can. This is my chance to break free.

The man has 3 other children (1 grown up, 2 under 7) to 2 different mothers. Each time, his drinking has caused them to leave with their respective children. Not before seeing him smash their property up no doubt. Which is what he did to me 2 weeks ago. Pictures of my family ripped up, my clothes ripped to shreds, he’d had a party in our home and left it in a right mess (I was away with work and he’d gone mad about me going away for the night). He even put his own poo in my underwear drawer. It was disgusting.

God. I don’t know why I’m telling everyone here this. Maybe it just needs to come out. Maybe I’m just angry and upset that he shows me such little respect. And maybe hearing from you all that I can do it alone gives me strength and hope that maybe I can.

Because this little life inside of me....deserves a better future. And a better role model than him I’m quite sure.

Aww lovetapdancing, that's what my older kids dad was like. Holes in the walls, furniture destroyed, even smashed my son's toys during one of his temper tantrums right in front of my son when he was about 8 years old. He never changed, it never stopped, it never got better. I hate that I never threw him out sooner! We had nothing nice till he was gone.
I'm now with a man who is the complete opposite, and we are pregnant with our second. He also treats my older 2 like his own and me like a princess ... as it should be 😉
Sometimes we just need to have a clear out and throw stuff (him) in the garbage 😁 Big hugs xx

Sounds like you'll get more support here on MN than you would in your own home. This is a great place to laugh, cry, whine and unpack your troubles.
Your dp obviously still has something though...unless you got pregnant via wind pollenation
Suggest he uses this opportunity to get himself out the gutter too. Try to get him into AA, see a counselor, get off the booze and change his life too. This pregnancy may just be the making of the both of you!

Why on earth are you still with this man?! It sounds horrific and he is incredibly abusive. This isn't the right environment to bring a child into - no matter what your age. You really need to leave this man. It doesn't sound like there is anything worth fighting for.

40 isn't that old. I'm not too far off that myself 11+6 with my first and although I have a very supportive husband I'm not finding it hard at all. In fact looking on here my symptoms seem better than most. I'm sure I'll be tired when I have to be up in the night etc but that's ok. It's not forever. Good luck and congratulations!

Congratulations! I had my first at 40. - it will be fine. Much better without the sponger drunk boyfriend though.

Thanks everyone! And yes - things are looking up a little at least. I plucked up the courage to talk to the Police this morning about everything that has been going on - they were great! And very supportive.

They’ve arrested him. Good grief. They agree that he needs help with his drinking and they’re going to have a stern word with him. Who knows where it’ll go - but if he doesn’t change after this, then I’m going ‘Lone Ranger’, no matter how hard that might be.

Buttons....I’m so sorry you had this experience too. That sounds awful. Especially in front of your child. I can’t imagine what that was like. It was bad enough when it was just me who was in the firing line.

Thanks to everyone for your support. I guess it just feels like I’ve got so many worries at the moment - especially in regards to my little bean. I’m so scared of losing it. I hope it’s a healthy sticky little thing :)

I’m really finding it so lovely to meet / talk to all of you. Thank you!!! You’re all lovely.

Am absolutely exhausted today and think an afternoon nap is in order!!! With the dog laid on me - it’s very peaceful without dp here and just me and the snuggly pooch. That’s what sundays are all about!!

And congratulations to you PBobs - you’ve nearly done the first trimester now!!! Wow. Hope it continues to be relatively easy for you xxx

Honestly I'm horrified to read he put poo in your underwear drawer. This man won't change. Some may disagree but I would be inclined to not even tell him about the pregnancy and get as far away as possible.

Congrats I'm 39 with a 6 week old. I'd love another x

lovetapdancingandrainbows just wanted to say I think you are awesome, it can’t have been easy contacting the police but it was exactly the right thing to do, for both you and your unborn baby. You’re going to be a fantastic mum

Thanks MadameJosephine. That means a lot. It wasn’t easy. But well worth it. Things have changed a lot - there’s now an order to protect me. From any more silly behaviour or nonsense from him.

It’s strange how being pregnant has made me re-evaluate things. But I’m so glad. Thank you to everyone for their kind words, support and encouragement. I’m so glad I took this step towards being independent and being Mummy first (and doormat second!). Xx

Congratulations! I'm 39 and 5 weeks pregnant with my third child.
I'm so glad you've taken steps to rid yourself of your awful sounding DP. Please don't take him back! You can easily do it without him. I was a single mum to 2 for 4 years. It's not as hard as you think xx

I would agree with farontothemaddingcrowd. Don't tell him you are pregnant if you decide to leave him. My kids dad used our kids as a weapon to beat me with after I threw him out.
He dragged me to court constantly for non-existent custody problems, applied for my kids child benefit even tho I had full custody and all my financial help got stopped until it was investigated!! I was at uni at the time and had to drop out. He stalked the house using the kids as a excuse to do so. Worst of all, I had no control what happened to my kids when they went to him for his custody time. His new gf was showing my then 10 yo dd how to roll joints, both kids were being physically and mentally abused and there was nothing I could do, all the courts kept saying was he has a right to have his kids too!!
I had to wait until my kids could take no more and refuse to have anything to do with him. Unfortunately the damage to my kids was done by then. One of then went into themself while the other one spiralled.

Yours sounds like a vindictive, jealous possessive rat like my ex was.

If I was fortunate like you and had the chance, I would never have told him he was a dad. I would have taken my little bean far away and made a lovely happy life 😊 xx

Thanks OP. Hope you're doing OK. X

Am doing okay thanks everyone! Am awaiting my scan on Monday and am keen to go this alone if all is well :)

Thanks again for all your support :) xxx

How exciting! Lucky you oh what I'd give for a little one again! I had my last at 40, my cousin had her first at 45. All went well. Good luck and congratulations

Thanks @Shepherdspieisminging!! It’s the only way forwards. The police have been great. I also didn’t realise I was eligible for help with housing and practical things :)
It’s going to be a whole new start I reckon.

@daffodilbrain - it’s quite amazing what the human body can do - even if I thought I was over the hill he he :) xxx