Worrying about everything - what’s safe?

[hayleyfx]

I’m 5+1, had a missed miscarriage in December 2017 at 11/12 weeks. Had two chemical pregnancies since (both about 4 weeks) and a termination for medical reasons in August, my son had severe disabilities and neural tube defect. Lost him at 14 weeks. Because of all this I’m terrified over everything which I expected but it’s a bit ridiculous how stressed I am! 🙈

I lit a candle a few hours ago, a cinnamon scented one, then just thought to myself a few mins ago “OMG what if this harms the baby” and looked it up and haven’t got any definite answers! One site said that it can be dangerous. Is that totally ridiculous? Now I’m worried that the damage has been done 🤦‍♀️

I also freaked out after carrying heavy-ish shopping bags the other day as I thought it might cause a MC. I’m only having lukewarm baths because I read that hot baths can cause birth defects. I even bolted from my mum’s house the other day because she was painting and I freaked out over all those chemicals.

So, my question is, am I being totally ridiculous!? I wish I could relax a bit but after so many losses it just feels impossible. I was the exact same in my last pregnancy! Can someone calm me down? 🙈

Yes YABU but it’s totally understandable. However you will drive yourself mad if you continue this way so you are going to have to learn to relax. Have a look at the NHS website and if it doesn’t specifically say to avoid something, don’t give it a second thought. You may want to consider some counselling or self-directed mindfulness or CBT exercises to help you through.

In the meantime, please don’t panic! Nothing you have done will have caused your baby any harm!

Thank you for talking some sense into me! Deep down I know I’m being ridiculous but I still have all these thoughts 🤦‍♀️ I will look into that, thank you for calming me down 😊

Completely OTT but completely understandable.

I am NO ONE to give this advice but try to step away from google. Only listen to NHS.

And congrats

I've been there. Am now in 3Rd trimester (previous pregnancies ended in miscarriage) and the worry has eased done but I still freak out now and then. Things I've found helpful include NOT GOOGLING - if I need to check something I'll get my very rational husband to look it up for me and present his findings back. He's a very sensible, calm filter. Also, I came to the realisation that you can't avoid coming into contact with the 'wrong' stuff - someone will accidentally elbow your bump, you'll walk into a paint-fumey house, you'll fall off a kerb, someone will blow cigarette smoke over you or a friend will unthinkingly give you a cake with a brandy glaze (all the above have happened to me this pregnancy and happily baby is doing just fine). If the baby is going to thrive, it can take these things. I know it's hard to think that way after losses but they really are tough cookies.

Maybe you could think about it from this perspective, if you’re constantly worrying and stressing... that’s probably more damaging than any candle or food item... totally understand why you are feeling this way but stress and anxiety can be so detrimental... maybe you could try CBT/counselling to help with copying mechanism? Xxxxxxxx

Download the baby buddy app. Its endorsed by the NHS, royal college of midwives, NCT and lots of others none of the information on there is allowed to be on unless its been approved by all of them. Plus it's also fun and allows you to create your own avatar and gives you little tips/whats happening now things every day. Hopefully it will help put your mind at rest. Also it stops you even opening the Internet if you only go on the app.

I completely understand why you're worrying. I had a miscarriage too and found it really hard to stop trying to "find reasons" for what happened. But the fact is, there's very little you can do to save a bad pregnancy, and very little you can do to completely ruin a good one. Try not to be overcautious because you will end up worrying about everything. Your candle will be fine. Your bags will be fine. If this pregnancy is meant to be, it will be. Other than the things explicitly stated on the NHS website (ie no alcohol, smoking, pate etc), there's not much you need to worry about xx

Thank you all so much for the advice ❤️ I know I’m being ridiculous but just feels impossible to not worry. After a scan at 9 1/2 weeks showed that my son was growing perfectly, doing well etc, I allowed myself to relax a bit. Then out of nowhere 3 weeks later he was suddenly seriously ill. It’s just scary how fast things can change and how common it really is. I’m going to speak to my midwife about how I’m feeling on Monday and will look into some options to keep me calm. Was in town today with my niece and felt like screaming because of all the cigarette smoke blowing in my face!! I can’t stand it at the best of times but now I’m pregnant it stresses me so much haha 🙈 thank you all again for the advice and reassuring words. Will try to relax a bit 😊 I managed to calm down about the whole candle situation haha!

Also so sorry to hear some of you have gone through losses too xx