Never held a baby

[LaceyLou42]

Hi everyone we are going to TTC our first and I’ve been through a rollercoaster of emotions as I suffer with mental health issues and find it difficult to make decisions, big or small. I come to the conclusion I do want a baby but I still worry about my ability as I’ve never been around babies, never held one or anything. I know you learn things on the job but I just wondered if anybody else worries? Reassurance needed!!

I had pretty much no experience with babies or children before having mine. If I can do it IMO anyone can.

You defo learn as you go. You'll have midwives in hospital to advise you and access to a health visitor after birth if you have any questions. In addition newborns start out fairly simple - they only need feeding, changing, keeping the right temperature and soothing. As they get older what they need changes so gradually it's never 100 new challenges at once, it's only one or two.

I'd defo recommend signing up to some antenatal classes preferably with a smallish group (less than 10) you can go through things with and get together after the classes end for support and friendship. NCT is the obvious one, but there might be independent antenatal classes in your area. You normally have to sign up by about 12 weeks pregnant.

The baby part is only a very small part :) You've had experience with humans - that's all you really need.

In some ways, having no experience might be a benefit as you'll tend to look up new guidelines etc rather than doing what you know.

My dh had never held a baby!! Presented with a prem 4-12 one he looked terrified!!
Managed perfectly well, refused to dress him for fear of snapping a stick limb though!!
Good luck on your journey op!!

I had barely held a baby and was shit scared of them! I really worried about this stuff. Turned out not to be an issue at all, you'll be surprised at how little time it takes until you feel confident handling them.

Before DD the last baby I'd ever held was my brother. I had no experience of feeding, changing nappies or generally looking after a baby. DH is an only child and he had less experience than me.

But somehow we both just instinctively knew how to care for our DD. It just came naturally and she's now 11 months and I think we're doing a pretty good job. Lol.

Good luck on your journey OP, I'm sure you'll be fine. Xx

Also even when you have held a baby lots before a newborn is still terrifying because you forget, and they are so floppy and squirmy and fragile.

Thanks everybody just what I needed to hear

I’m 9 months pregnant and I’ve never held a newborn or changed a nappy or anything. Thanks to my unimpressive care I’ve also never been referred to antenatal clinics and so I’m completely winging it. Hopefully we’ll both be fine x

I had never held a baby or changed a nappy or anything. Hubby was even worse as he thought we would put semi skimmed milk in baby bottles as that's what they drank!! Anyway, baby is here and we managed so I'm sure you will too. We did do NCT which helped so maybe look into that.

I think my baby was the 3rd I ever held. The others were just plonked in my arms and I sat there until relieved of them! I have never been the maternal type but everything came naturally with DD. When people ask how I'm doing I say it is harder than I ever imagined but I am doing better than I ever imagined I would do.

The first nappy I ever changed was my son's, at 1am on the hospital ward when he was only a few hours old. I was completely alone and it was a bit daunting, but it was fine, you learn on the job!

Don't underestimate the power of biological instinct. Thousands of years of hardwired evolutionary experience. At least, that's what I told myself when I felt overwhelmed. When DS arrived I was indeed fine, you will be too

Biological instinct is surely keeping your children safe, fed and warm. I'd insist you do ante natal classes and a parenting class. Changing nappies and knowing the illnesses a baby can get isn't instinct.

I had held a few babies when I had my first but it was totally different to holding your own.

I remember when we had our first an overwhelming feeling of disbelief how could they be letting us take this baby home with us?! It's a baby. You know, a real one". I very much wondered who the grown ups in the situation were going to be. I had to ask how to change a nappy and worried they'd say "you don't know how to change a nappy? Well forget it you can't possibly take her home yet".

It all became second nature very quickly. You learn as you go along. The internet is so helpful too.

I was the same. I always knew I wanted my own children but I had no experience with babies (or children). My daughter was probably the 4th baby I ever held and the others were just forced into my arms for a couple of mins and I had no idea what I was doing. When I told my mum I was pregnant she was shocked because I had never shown any outward affection or interest in any baby. You will totally learn on the job, I did. I always say motherhood is harder than I expected but I am doing far better than I expected. DD is 15 months now and I held a friends newborn the other day and it felt alien to me again!! It is just different with your own. You will be fine!!

Honestly, previous experience doesn’t count for much because you forget so quickly. I’m pregnant with my second and I’m terrified holding other people’s babies because I don’t know how to! I’ve forgotten how to do it
I will learn again once my baby arrives. Don’t panic, so will you

Once you get pregnant join NCT and you can take antenatal classes. You can also join bump to baby coffee mornings to make friends with women who have babies - many are quite happy to let you hold the baby while they drink coffee l