Booking in appointment - does partner come?

[MakeAWhish]

Hi all, I'm currently 4w3d with baby #3. Just wondering, did you take your partners to your booking in appointment? I took my ex husband to the booking in apt for our first child but remember thinking it was a bit of a waste of time. That was 10 years ago so I'm wondering if they even suggest the father of the baby goes to it nowadays?

I didn't (I'm currently 40w) - but then I only brought DH along for the scans. The booking appointment and other appointments were focussed on you, your health and your social situation/support so it's not essential.

I didn’t take my DH for either of mine - would have been a waste of his time I think. It’s just around an hour of filling in forms, having your bloods taken etc.

Thanks @louise987 that's what I thought. DP is so keen to be involved but I don't want him sitting there bored for an hour if it's not necessary.

Thanks @Kintan

Congratulations! Mine did and I was glad he was there. You get bombarded with so much information, it was really helpful to be able to sense check everything with someone afterwards!

He's coming to all my midwife appointments from now on as well. Because if something does come up that needs an Intervention, it's good to have both of us there to think about any questions, rather than him thinking of something I didn't afterwards.

We weren't allowed. I think because the area had a lot of women from patriarchal cultures or who didn't have good English and they felt it was important for the woman to be speaking for herself.

Nope, it's a form filling exercise mostly. If you take them with you they will also have to wait outside some of the time while the MW asks questions about your domestic situation (ie are you at risk).
For me DP came to scans only, I thought that was normal but reading on MN some do take partners to other appointments. I guess it depends on you and him!

I wouldn’t bother but if he’s really keen to be there then it won’t hurt. They’ll make sure they speak to you alone at some point to do the standard DV questions though.

If he doesn’t go then make sure you know about his immediate family/medical history - any close relatives with genetic diseases, TB, I think they ask about heart issues and spina bifida too?

No didn't bring DH to either booking in and just to one scan. He doesn't have enough leave to be out of work for my appointments and I didnt find it necessary.

DH came along to the booking in appointment for our first, but hasn't been to any midwife appointments since (currently pregnant with our third). As long as you know enough about his family's medical history to be able to answer the questions, there is no reason they have to be there.

Mine did with my first (as it was all new/first bag etc) and it was a waste of time as the midwife asked him to wait outside. Didn't bother with my second. Here, partners are only allowed into booking in appointments after all the questions have been asked, so they can come in for the weighing/bloods etc but not before, same for subsequent appointments. This is so that the midwife has the opportunity to speak to you alone and check that you aren't in an abusive relationship/that you are ok according to a midwife friend of mine. The midwife did ask me about my relationship and general wellbeing.

My DH only came to my scans, he wasn't needed in what were just essentially medical appointments for me.

Mine just came to my scans and one of my antenatal appointments as he was working the rest of the time. I wouldn’t have stopped him if he’d wanted to come but there’s not really any need.

The only question is would your DH like to go?

If so, take him along.

I think the scans are the only interesting bit for partners

Mine didn't but I have countless health problems to discuss where as he has zero, I just bring him for scans

Mine didnt, i took my grandma instead haha!

Was mainly form filling and more about medical history, so if you know his history then I wouldve said no.
Ive taken him to all the scans and hes come along to other midwife appointments to hear heartbeat, but im classed as high risk due to high bmi so ive got more appointments so not really too bothered

I went alone however there were some questions asked about partners health so may be useful to take him as well xx

Mine didn't, but it would have been quite boring as it was literally just answering questions. I was able to answer his family history ones fine. He's come to any appointment with an ultrasound.

The documentation I got before booking in said that partners would welcome, but they would be asked to leave for a certain part of the appointment (so the domestic abuse questions could be asked without them present).

If he's able to get unlimited time off and wants to come for it then I'd probably just let him know that he can but warn him it won't be very interesting. But if he's taking unpaid or using some of his hours that he's entitled to take off for antenatal appointments, I'd probably suggest he didn't bother and save it for later appointments.

Mine did, but mainly as we had to drive there as the weather was awful (early Feb) and the buses weren't running and I can't drive After that he just came to the scan appointments and one of the consultant appointment.

Mine did, it's our first so neither of us really knew what to expect and he was really excited to be involved :) he also came along to my 12 and 20 week scans and my 16 week midwife appointment so he could hear the heartbeat. He'd cheerfully come along to all my appointments but as I get time off work for them and he doesn't it's just more practical now for me to go alone.

No. It's soooo boring! I wouldn't inflict that on him. Particularly when there's only a tiny tiny section relating to him. Just get a family history from hip - hip dysplasia, multiple births and stillbirths.

Thank you all so much, for taking the time to reply!
See, the thing is, it's my third but his first... so I'm trying to be as inclusive as possible because he's so excited, and with my older two DC, I had a really unsupportive partner who had no interest in any antenatal appointments, not even the scans. So, it's a novelty for me that he wants to come.
Also, he is a teacher and my midwife appointment is at the children's centre which is attached to the school! Apt is 9-10am and his first lesson is at 9.30am so I think I'll suggest the comes for the first 25 mins or so before he has to pop back and teach. Sounds like that would be a good compromise.

Personally, he only came to scans. Nothing much at booking in appointment apart from lots of questions!

When I told our practice I was pregnant with dc2 to arrange the booking in, I got a letter in the pack they gave me saying to please come alone if possible and that partners would be asked to leave part way through if they were there.

Seeing as its your partners first child, and he is so excited, I definitely would take him along. (Just pre-warn him that the booking-in appointment is not over exciting as such ).