Can I be mad ?

[TaylorBuff97]

I've been to my first midwife appointment today, we discussed all the admin side of the pregnancy and any support that I may need.
I requested some information about having a planned c section, I'm not doing it cause I'm too lazy to push or anything like that it's just my personal preference.
My partner has 2 children already to his ex wife, who has constantly been on my case since we got together, getting people to give me abuse, asking me stupid questions or giving me dirty looks and ignoring me when we bump into her with his kids.
During the midwife appointment, questions were asked about his kids and their birth, fair enough, not everything is about me and the baby and the questions need to be asked.
After the appointment my partner spent the entire day talking about how his ex give birth and while she was pregnant it was the happiest time of his life, an things his ex said about the pregnancy so I need to consider it.
So far my pregnancy has been awful, as I said I've had none stop abuse from his ex and the people she's had messaging me, my partner is constantly going on about her and her pregnancy, this is my first child and after a miscarriage I was really excited, but he's ruined it.
I'm worried about what is going to happen when she finds out in pregnant as she told my partner if he got anyone else pregnant then she would stop him seeing the kids and she was trying to get him to have a vasectomy just before I got with him.
The stress is not needed atm, I'm off work with stress over everything as it's making me ill.
What can I say to my partner so he stops constantly talking about his ex ? And what can I do so she's leave me alone !

Ok. You need reassurance - tell him that!! Open up the lines of communication and tell him how you feel.

You can't control anyone else's behaviour, only your own. Your pregnancy has nothing to do with the ex. You may have to get a lawyer involved to convince her of that. If she's always been irrational and weird I don't see you (or him) doing anything to change that other than getting a court agreement about his access to his other children. Might be an idea to be proactive about that - it will help you feel you're doing something about something that's really worrying you.

I've asked him so many times to tell her to stop getting involved and stay out, but he won't say anything to her. I've asked him not to bring her up when we're talking about our baby and he still does it, I'm getting to the point now where I don't even like talking about my baby cause he will just sit and talk about how they were for ages

My partner had two teenagers with his ex and other than a little jealously when she found out and stopped them talking about it for a few days when around her she has been fine with it even asking how I am keeping.

My partner has mentioned a few things that he experienced with his ex during my pregnancy and it does not bother me in the slightest as he is only remembering what he experienced and men always default to what they know in order to feel like they are supporting us.

I would advise you to stop all contact with your partners ex it's never going to be nice messages she sends.

Your partner sounds insensitive I would tell him how you feel you can't talk about your pregnancy

I don't message her and she doesn't message me directly. She has her friends, family members and her new partner asking me questions about my relationship and the pregnancy which we are keeping secret. And recently I'm now getting horrible messages calling me all sorts

Oh lovey I am in the same boat with my partners ex and her irrational and strange behaviour has ramped up a notch since she found out I was pregnant (I apparently have keys to her home and have planted devices but hay ho). You need to seriously put your foot down with your other half. You're early in and generally men aren't great at engaging with the pregnancy. I at one point said I was seriously considering another birth partner because of lack of support. We went to hypnobirthing classes and I think that was the point that it seriously clicked with him and he has been an absolute star (on the whole, he still has his moments) ever since. He ordered the TENS machine tonight, phoned me from the shops to see if he could pick up maternity pads the midwife had been talking about today, runs me baths, makes up hot water bottles etc. What I'm saying is he will be useless to start with, in general men are. But you don't have to tolerate it. Kick up a stink and carry on kicking one up. He will eventually get the message, and somewhere down the line it will just click with him and he will as if by magic transform overnight. With regards to the ex, and this is going to sound awful but its what my doctor told me after me ending up there with stress, forget about her. She is his problem and it is for him to sort out (I should listen to my own advice here because I am still nudging my OH to sort out stuff with his ex and his children but admittedly fighting a losing battle). Change your number (again doctors advice) and just block anyone who messages you, throw a fit and a wobbler if need be but then let it go and move on. What is important right now is you and your bump x