I am an idiot.

[Jadem1409]

Hey so I gave birth to my son still born at 38 weeks on the 3rd sept. He died due to me suddenly getting severe preeclampsia causing an abruption. The birth was traumatic and ending up in an emergency c-section and a stay in intensive care.
We have only had sex once unprotected..... don’t make funeral plans and drink a bottle of wine at the same time!
I have just realised that I haven’t a period since and i have all the symptoms that I had when I first got pregnant with my son.
Please don’t judge me this was never the plan I am in no way trying to replace my baby. He is my world. I am judging myself enough.
I am sat with a test trying to get the courage to do it. I feel so guilty just at the thought of it. What would the chance of that test being positive so I can brace myself?

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. No matter how many other children you go on to have, if any, they will never replace the baby you have lost. They're simply an addition to your family.

You've accomplished the first task by simply talking about it. Now be brave and take that test, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. If you are pregnant, what a beautiful blessing for you.

There are two options- you've been through a horrendous time. You can deal with this either way, but for your sake you need to know. If it's negative, I'd imagine that will be hard for you, and if it's positive there is the guilt- which you shouldn't feel but you will. Good luck xxxx

Oh OP it sounds like a really horrible experience. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Whatever the outcome, you will never love your first child any less. No one will ever think that.
Pee on the stick, put yourself out of agony of not knowing.

I am so sorry for your loss. This must be so difficult. Please don't feel guilty though, if it is positive you will have plenty of time to let it sink in before you need to tell anyone. And nobody could judge you for this so please don't think like this. I do think you need to do the test so you know either way. X

Do the test @Jadem1409 wishing you all the luck in the world. X

Do the test.

Your pregnancy will have done weird things to your hormones. You might have been super fertile when you had sex, or you might not have ovulated yet.

You need to take the test for some peace of mind.

If it is possible, you’re not an idiot. Be kind to yourself I’m so sorry for your loss xx

your NOT an idiot - massive hugs.

This baby wont replace your son - please dont think like that

((((hugs)))

So sorry for the loss of your son.

It goes without saying another baby would never replace him or take away from your loss. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

I am so sorry, 💐

No one will judge you. Having another baby will be so special. Of course it is not replacing your son. Love is not a finite emotion.

I'm so sorry for your loss, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and I bet you are not the first person in this situation! If the test is positive please dont let fear of judgement stop you from going to the midwife early. Get some good prenatal care and maybe they could offer you some counselling (if you are not already having it) to work through what I imagine would be some pretty confusing feelings.

Please please please don’t feel guilty or bad in anyway !!

My mother lost my brother due to a still birth (she’s a very strong woman but has always said it’s been the one thing in this life that nearly broke her) she fell pregnant with me a few months later I am 25 and her only child bar my brother that was still born I am her best friend and I am thankful every day that she decided to fall pregnant again please if you are take this as a sign I am so sorry for your loss ❤️

No one here is going to judge you. I can see why it would bring up a huge amount of emotions though.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

sending hugs to you

I'm so sorry for your loss, I cannot begin to imagine what you have been through.

Can only echo what everyone else has said, you aren't an idiot. Don't beat yourself up!

It is perfectly normal, understandably and humanlike to have sex very soon after a loss.
It's comfort and closeness and love that we seek and completely natural that we seek that in our closest loved one that being our partner.
Anyone who judges that, doesn't understand the fundamental workings of the human.

Absolutely no judgement from me, or from anyone on this forum I'm sure.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Sending you love

--

Handhold here OP

So sorry for the loss of your child.

You are most definitely not an idiot and you definitely don't need to feel guilty.

Xxxxx

Hi @Jadem1409
This is the thread that I mentioned in my message earlier on.
TTC after stillbirth www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3244374-TTC-after-stillbirth
Don't worry about the title, I know you may not be ready to ttc yet, but there are a good few ladies on there all at different stages and they are so kind and understanding about some of the crazy mixed up feelings.
I hope you are ok.

In no way, shape or form are you an idiot.
You’re a brave mother who has been to hell and back.

Thinking of you