Pregnant and guitly

[mother2b]

When i found out i was pregnant i told every body at about 7/8 weeks becasue i couldnt hold it in any longer, then found out my collegues wife is due two days before me and was excited fro him also, but yesterday i found out that another collegue has been trying for a baby for a long time without any luck, now i feel really guilty because mine wasnt planned (but is already very much loved) and the guy in question would make a great dad, has anyone elso had these feelings?

feel bad because he was the first person i showed my scan to at work and was oblivious to the pain i was probably causing him

urm, guilty not guitly

Its hard when your ttc and everyone around you seems to be falling but I am sure he is very happy for you and it will happen for him too dont beat yourself up over it enjoy your pregnancy x

Agree with TLSM

You weren't to know. If I were you I would speak to him about it, saying, I hope I didn't upset you, I had no idea about what you were going through, etc.

Well I have been in a situation similar to this guy's before I had ds (wanted a baby for a long time and then had a m/c) and I would say it may be painful for him but that you should not feel guilty about being pg or feel you shouldn't shout it from the rooftops. Be sensitive about the things you say but rejoice!!
Imo it is something he and his wife will have to learn to deal with. Pg should be a time of great excitement and I don't think anyone should feel they can't have that, but as I say maybe be a little sensitive, esp re the fact you weren't even trying. (We have friends who got pg twice on first attempt and I found the bragging a little difficult to deal with.)
Congrats!!

Even though we wasnt planning for a baby we wasnt taking any precautions and just seeing how things go(so not totally unplanned)
but i know that before i was quite broody and when i saw people with babies i would feel a pang of jealousy (had miscarried twice and didnt think i could have children)
so i can understand how he feels, i think thats why i feel so bad about it

I was and am surprised how unsensitive people are that know I miscarried. I am still wondering if they are just oblivious or if it is a sign of trust in some quirky way I do not get.
Now this is different, because I am talking about people who knew how upset I was/am while you didn't. But since you feel for him, I would bring it up when there is an opportunity and then let him decide if he wants to talk about it or wave it off.

I'm sure as you do have real insight as to how he may be feeling you will be sensitive towards him and I'm sure he will appreciate that.
But please don't feel guilty about your pregnancy - just try to enjoy it! From my own experience I would've felt upset and envious however the other person acted and now in hindsight I just think it is your right as a pregnant woman to just be really happy about it and enjoy it.

don't feel guilty. Just before Christmas a friend of mine emailed me to say she was pregnant with her third baby. Her email was so happy and she was so made up, it took all my effort to get home from work on the train before I broke down in tears and sobbed for hours. She had no idea I'd been ttc for 18 months. I was so gutted it seemed to easy for some people, later on I felt so guilty that I'd felt like that, of course I should be happy for her, it's not her fault I couldn't conceive. As it turns out I remember the date so well as that was the date of my LMP and I'm now 27 weeks gone with our son!!

There's a guy at my work whose wife would have been due around the same time as me but she m/c'd and I feel awful around him. We have talked about it but it can't be easy for him!

One of my best friends has been ttc for a long time now but I was so excited when I rang her that I didn't really think about it too much (until I put the phone down and realised). Don't get me wrong, she was/is really excited and pleased for us but I feel really bad now. We live quite far apart and I would normally have made contact by now but I don't want to rub her nose in it. I've had 2 m/c's and I know how hard it can be...

No, not guilty.But agree with TLSM that you could tell him you didn't want to rub his nose in it.
I was the one trying for years while everyone around me was getting pregnant. So I just never said anything and tried to be happy for everyone else. You can't make other people feel bad for something that they would sing about from the rooftops if it happened to them. (I've got two now so it worked in the end)

Hey, you didn't get pg to spite anyone. You're entitled to enjoy it.
I was in a similar situation (sort of ) to you in that my DS was unplanned and the result of a merry Xmas frolic with an old friend. At the time, a friend of mine had had about 3 MCs the previous year but, by the time I found out I was expecting DS, she was about 6 months gone with her son. We did talk about it when I was 5 months gone and she about 10 months gone, and she did say that if she had still been TTC she would probably have hated me for a while (and I would have felt a bit awkward around her...)

While you can (we all can) try to be sensitive if we know someone's circumstances, people's feelings about stuff that has not been done to upset them on purpose are kind of their problem to deal with, not yours.
Enjoy your pregnancy and good luck.

Hi mother2b. Def know how you feel. My friend was TTC for ages. I got pregnant in a month. I told her and her husband when I found out as I didn't want them to find out from someone else. He almost burst into tears, which I wasn't expecting. When I was 7 mths she got pregnant and then lost the baby. It was very hard for her and for me, enjoying my pregnancy. She didn't come and visit me for a few weeks after I had the baby which I was sad about, but I understood.

She has since had a lovely dd and we have stayed really good friends. Think you just have to treat them 'normally' (without rubbing stuff in TOO much).

thing is i got told by another collegue quietly and because this guy is my sort of boss i dont want to go and stick my nose in and look like im just interfering. Because he hadnt told me himself and i dont know if im supposed to know

i dont want to just wander up to him and blurt it all out but i do want to maybe drop it into conversation that i know how he feels, im not close with him

????????????????

i havent got a clue what to do

btw thank you for all your replies

I'd say absolutely nothing at all. As a bloke, it could be the last thing he wants in teh world is your sympathy, no matter how genuine and well meant.
Just carry on as normal, be happy, just tactful, as I'm sure you will be.

Don't worry. It took us a long time to concieve and I can honestly say that I felt nothing but happyness when friends and family told me that they were expecting.

I'm sure your colleague's turn will come one day.

Oh, and I wouldn't say anything to him if you are not that close. I know my DH would have died of embarassment if one of the pregnant women on his team had tried to 'console' him over having trouble concieving!