I just need somewhere to talk.

[APositiveMind]

Not really a question but I just need to get this out.
Me and DP, both have always said we want children, DP said he wanted kids by the time he was 30, he's 31 now. We decided to start trying.. after my first baby-trying ovulation u
During the TWW he decided he wants to wait. I'm distraught, there has been many tears. I haven't shown him how upset I am but I've told him and he knows I've cried. But that's not what I want to talk about necessarily.
It's everyone else who keeps asking, my SIL who I did tell when we were trying because she's been there and done that. Keeps asking if he's changed his mind, he hasn't and I feel almost embarrassed to say it.
I had a weird dizzy spell at work the other day and almost every colleague who was there to help get me water and shit me down asked if I might be pregnant, I'm not. But them asking without knowing what is going on has made me incredibly sad.
Tonight I went to see my dad and told him about said ill moment at work, who then himself and his wife asked if I might be pregnant, they also don't know.
I know I can't be mad at people who don't know any different. But I am totally disheartened and it's not easy to laugh it off and say 'Absolutely not!' To everyone, because I wanted it so badly. I feel almost guilty, it was one cycle and there are people who have medical reasons why they can't. I was ready, I was prepared and now I'm broken and I don't want people around me to know I feel so down.

I know it's a long one and I'm sorry if you've read the whole thing, I just wanted to off load.

E decided to start trying for our second. Then in the first month, about 3 days after my period ended, so before the fertile period began, I panicked and said I wanted to wait another couple of months. So we did, and no more unprotected sex than month.

It turns out in that 3 day window when fertility shouldn't have been possible, I became pregnant (I ovulated 10 days later, so who knows how that happened).

I'm now 4 mo tha pregnant, and my wobble about not feeling ready is just an amusing anecdote to us. My wobble doesn't mean I'd be a rubbish mum, or that I'm not interested in this baby). It just all felt very serious very quickly, and I wobbled.

Two months isn't long to wait, and if you are pregnant already, then if he's anything like me, it won't take him long to come around.

A baby put a strain on my sanity!