To not want everyone knowing the date of my c section

[littlemisssunshine34]

It is probably because I'm feeling hormonal and sore at the minute but I'm due to have a c section in two weeks time and I just wanted to ask some advice. We have only told my parents and dhs parents the date and that is because we have other dc. Everyone else including mine and dhs siblings and friends will be told once baby is here. This is more my decision than dhs as he doesn't really get the big secret but respects my choice. I've told him I'm quiet happy for him to tell the world the second our baby is born.
The problem is mil doesn't agree with this at all and is upset we've asked her not to tell people including dhs siblings or her friends and family. She thinks we're being ridiculous and has been quiet pissy with me when she has seen me and basically ignoring me even when I was sitting in the room just the two of us she completely ignored me whereas I feel it is up to us to announce our babies birth and also as I'm been sectioned a bit earlier than the norm I would prefer to make sure baby is ok. I have asked my own parents to help out with childcare for our other dc which they've agreed to. My husband explained we were apprehensive about the section and wanting to make sure our baby is born safely and also how we wanted to announce the birth ourselves and also how we didn't want to be inundated with texts and phone calls in the lead up to the surgery by well meaning people as I feel these would only add to my anxiety. This hasn't changed her attitude and now I'm feeling if it continues I would rather she doesn't visit me in the hospital as I hope to breast feed and that's something else she's opinionated on.

I wouldn't want everyone knowing either. It's up to you.

And fuck her opinions on breastfeeding

Tell her they've reassessed you and moved the csection on a week then leave her to it. Don't mention it again till you announce that baby came early after all.

I plan to have an ELCS with my 2nd DC (after EMCS with 1st) and will not be telling anyone - I think it's perfectly reasonable, not only would the texts/calls worry me, but we don't know what could happen on the day.
For my 1st DC I didn't tell anyone except my dad and DHs parents the induction date. None of the siblings on either side that weren't told were at all bothered they hadn't been informed and understood why. The baby stole the show by that point :D

Hope it all goes well for you

My friend didn't tell anyone the date of her planned c-section either. She said that there had to be some magic! I think it's fair enough to not to tell anyone, you shouldn't have to justify the decision. After all, mostly people don't know (if it isn't a planned delivery) and how your baby arrives isn't really anyone's business except yours.

I think you’re right to keep it quiet. Why does everyone have to know the date in advance? She will be stealing your thunder as it’s your news to share when baby is born.

What do you mean OP when you say MIl is opinionated about BF? Does she not agree with a baby being fed the most natural way?

My inlaws and parents know my induction and csection date (if induction doesn't work)

I'm overdue but every single bloody day I have fil asking if anything has happened. Glad I haven't told anyone else as I'm sure more people would ask. Some of dhs friends ask every time they call

I know they care but I'm super grumpy

Yes, tell her they've moved it to the next week because of winter staff shortages or something. She will 'accidentally' let it slip at some point but then you're covered.

YANBU at all, it is not her news to share!

And tell her to fuck off with her ‘views’ on breastfeeding.

I felt the same. It just felt like to much pressure and that people would expect an update/photos etc. that day if they knew. I just wanted to be able to concentrate on me and the baby. So the only people who knew were those that had to: my mum (who was my birth partner) and my brother's family because they were keeping my dad company while mum was with me.

You do what you need to do to feel as relaxed about everything as possible.

Just tell her a date later than the planned one?!

With my first it didn't matter because he was an emergency, but we only told my parents I was going in for a section. I didn't actually realise some family members on DH's side never knew he was born by section until much later on!

With my youngest, I ended up in the hospital earlier than my planned date and it was all very last minute although it was 'planned'. I was told on Thursday afternoon I was going to have him on the Friday. We told our parents and then left the rest until after he was born.

There is always a chance that it could change - either moved forward because you go into labour earlier than expected or moved back if the unit is busy or there’s an emergency. I would tell your MIL that the date is not definitely confirmed and you don’t want her telling people in case it changes.

Your MIL is a nutter.

A CS is major surgery, and she should respect that it’s totally normal for the person being operated on to want to have some control over who knows what and when.

I’m only 27weeks but will be getting a c-sec I have already told my mum and my husbands mum and dad that they are the only ones that will be told the date and that final I am already stressed out about it enough with out like you getting calls and texts leading up to the day ! It’s your day how dare she act that way

What a nightmare she sounds. Such a shame as she should feel privileged to be told and trusted in the first place. I would not be happy with that sort of treatment and I think you have done well to be so kind to try and explain your very valid and understandable reason for this decision. I'm not argumentative or hostile in general but I think heavily pregnant and being ignored and mistreated over a decision to keep private my surgery would infuriate me to the point I'd have told her where she can stick her views and if she betrayed your trust then she should keep a safe distance. I hope she comes round as the last thing you will want is drama but you have every right to make this choice. X