MIL says baby will be ugly

[sachabloom]

Get on really well with my MIL. Always have done. In fact we're possibly closer than she is to my DH (her son)...

But this last weekend she said "I think the baby is going to be ugly" - out of no where!

No punchline, no laugh, no insinuation of a joke....

I don't feel offended but this is super weird right? My DH was really annoyed and let her know, but I was just dumbfounded!

Just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and/or some advice on what on earth might have been going through her head!

Well she has an ugly personality by the sounds of it.

Ignore her. Very unlikely baby will take after her.

It might be worth mentioning that when we told her we were expecting (we were trying so we were very happy), she didn't really react and when my DH said "you don't seem excited" she said "well I have grandchildren already but I suppose I'll have to pretend to be excited"

I let all these little comments go but I must admit they're starting to grate on me now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not worried about my child's appearance 😂 but I am worried about their grandma saying strange, cruel comments to/about them!

Quite bizzare! Even if it was a joke. Best ignored, unless something else is said 💚

That's weird. Is saying odd inappropriate things a change in character?

And you get on with this woman ? Blimey, I would have about as much time for that as it seems she would have for her new grandchild.

I would definitely withdraw from her. Not over the ugly comment but over the I’ll have to pretend to be excited.

Kids don’t need grandparents like that. Surround yourself with people you care about and care about you. Doesn’t sound like your dh will miss his mum or say much.

You don’t need to have a big showdown just do t make much of an effort to see them.

Omg that is beyond mean ! In what context was that even said?

maybe she feels she will be sidelined when baby comes.

My mil makes completely inappropriate comments, some way worse than these. Never acknowledged my DD cos she "has the GC she already loves". I don't want my DD growing up around this, how cruel. Dh and I have agreed no grandma if she can't be nice. Simple! I'm not going to have ANYONE around my DD making her feel unloved and insignificant. That is emotionally abusive, and as mum my responsibility is to protect her

Is there some backstory here. For example was DH the 'difficult one' in her eyes, or are his siblings female and she empathises with them but not him as he is like his ?df or something. Otherwise it is bizarre.

You say you are close and get in well with her, so I would ask her.

When you are on your own. Say “you made me laugh with your comment . Why on earth do you think our baby will be ugly?”. Say “is there something you are worried about because you don’t seem to be picking up on how much we are looking forward to this baby”.

Poor DH.

My Mum started making random unpleasant statements, seemingly deliberately hurtful to get a reaction. It was the start of a mental health problem.
If your MIL used to be OK but is now coming out with these things I'd be keeping an eye on her (while taking everything she says with a pinch of salt).

My DH was probably the best behaved and supports her the most now, particularly financially - which now I think of it maybe she's thinking he won't be able to help so much when baby comes??

No, it's not out of character for her to say these things, she's one of those people who says what she thinks and has no filter. I'm often cringing but I do believe she's a good person - that might sound weird.

Yeah I think I will just say "what on earth makes you think baby will be ugly?!"

It's weird for me because my parents (and everyone else) has been so excited over this news, so I guess it just baffles me.

Well I wouldn’t be financially supporting someone who says such comments

I had a grand nan when I was little that didn’t like me. I’m 31 now and still remember it. If she cant be nice keep your child away. What a bizarre and horrible comment. Maybe remind her that the baby shares here genes too!
The MIL threads on here make me feel so angry. I love my MIL and I have three boys so will have DILs one day. I would never treat them like some of the things I read on here

What a weird thing to say, unless she considered dh to be an ugly baby so she thinks s/he will take him.

Well done to dh for standing up to her (often on mn that doesn’t Happen).

If gm does have form for saying odd things when your dc are growing up, you’ll have it to make it a running joke ‘%oh, go has said xyz a
Gain... (tinkly laugh)”

Sounds like the early signs of dementia to me. You should probably ask her how she feels about nursing homes :)

No need to be falling over yourselves with visits to & from her then!

". I'm often cringing but I do believe she's a good person - that might sound weird. "

Yup-she's being nasty about her own GC ffs!

I might point out that its not a given that the baby takes after her

The other poster could be right about the early signs of dementia. Because it starts much earlier than people think, only with with small signs here and there.
When my mother got it, at first she had these comments that were unnecessarily harsh. She probably had dementia 10 years before we saw it suddenly get very obvious and bad. Comments like what you've described. Very matter of fact and no filter and random.
No recognition that what they've said is inappropriate or that the person might find it an insult.

Another vote for early stage dementia. One symptom is the loss of all verbal filters so that whatever odd thought that goes through their heads comes out of their mouths. Men, for example, will start making highly sexual comments to their carers.

Get her evaluated.

All newborn babies are ugly! Red faced, wrinkly and bug-eyed. I thought DS looked awful and looking back on pictures he was worse than I remembered. Still loved him to death though.

MIL doesn't sound very nice though.

i Think that the safety net for her old age (DH) has disappeared into funding of uni fees, cars etc for his DC and she is anxious but doesn't realise it.