Found out I'm pregnant but unsure what to do

[rbp123]

I'm a 22 year old who is currently in university. I'm engaged and my fiancé works full time but in a time consuming job. We recently found out I am pregnant but I honestly have no idea if I should keep it or have an abortion. My fiancé cannot wait, but I am so excited about being pregnant one minute and the next minute I get anxious.

I don't want to leave university, and I know I am hard working and stubborn enough to finish my degree and have a baby. However, I can't help to think I am too young, or I am going to miss out on experiences because I will have a baby now.

I would just like to know what other people would do if they were in my situation.

Hi OP first of all, breath. Do not worry, things will turn out okay.

I had my 1st baby, unplanned, at 23. Found out I was pregnant half way through my part time Master's Degree which was sponsored by my full time employer, so I would have to finish it. I had only been with my (now) DH for 3 months. I understand that excitement and anxiety combo. My reaction when I first saw that 2nd line was pure fear, I was actually sick. (Thankfully DH was actually thrilled but would have supported me either way)

I cannot tell you what to do but all I can offer is my experience.

We decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. We had, luckily, just moved into a 2 bed place together so had the space. DH works nights so that was always (and still is) a tough one. But to cut a long story short, I managed to complete my MA by having an extension to my dissertation (Unis are very helpful in these situations so talk to someone there ASAP!), we managed to buy our first house despite Mat leave pay and we have also got married and I have since had a successful promotion!

So I feel my fear at the time, whilst justified, actually only got me motivated and on track to where I am now.

The reason I decided to keep my baby, btw, was I knew I was excited, I knew that part of me did want that baby. I wasn't able to ignore that part.

Hi OP. Give yourself time to think carefully about this huge decision and try and figure out all the practical bits, such as can you have an extension to your university work etc in order to have your baby. Get all the support you can. You’ve already said that you’re hard working enough to complete your degree, it sounds like you’re in a loving relationship and a part of you is very excited about the pregnancy, don’t ignore that.

Despite my pregnancy being planned I had times where I felt super happy and excited, and then others when I felt very anxious and wondering if I was doing the right thing. I think there is some element of doubt with a lot of mums to be because it’s such a scary yet amazing thing to go through.

Give yourself plenty of times to think through your options, but it’s true when they say there really never is a right time to have a baby but you make it work.

If you want my opinion - going from personal experience, I fell pregnant when I was 19 and was about to move away to university within weeks of finding out. I was in a new relationship at the time and was a very immature 19 year old and I had a termination. That was the right decision for me at the time but if I had been already part way through university with the potential to complete my degree, been a few years older and more mature and been in a steady relationship then I have no doubt that I would have continued with the pregnancy.

Good luck in whatever decision you make, you can do this x

I really feel for you, its totally normal to be anxious, I'm pregnant with my second but still panicing!

I've got lots of friends that had babies in their early 20s, and in most cases their children spurred them onto achieve more and work harder. My mum had my eldest sister at 17, and te sacrifice she made for us all has massively influenced my life.

You sound like you've got your head on your shoulders and you'll make the right choice. Plus it sounds like your partner is a great support.

Baby days are tough, but being a parent is such an amazing experience- i did the gap year thing, travelling etc, but none of that compares to the rollercoaster of parenting!

I had my son at 17, he's almost 6 months old now and I can honestly say I love it! His dad (21) and I are still together, and we manage to rent a little cottage. Being a parent has its difficulties, but overall it is a joy. I am a stay at home mother at the moment, I have plans to return to education once my son is able to start at the local nursery (age 2). I think being a young mum is looked upon far too negatively, I actually feel like having my boy when I did has a lot of positives. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Totally agree with you grace7 it is looked upon far too negatively and there is almost a sense of shame surrounding the whole thing! Society needs to change that attitude.

Personally I'd prefer my kids whilst I'm going so I can, hopefully, spend more of my life being there for them. I'll be able to help out with grandkids etc. Also, we can do all that stuff We are supposedly missing out on later on when the kids leave home!

Hi OP.

I had my first at 21 and was in and almost identical situation to you. I had my baby, (then another one a year later) and everything worked out fine. You can take maternity leave from studying as well as your job so it shouldn’t impact on your masters at all. I would advise speaking to HR ASAP and they’ll help come up with a plan. It will look a lot less daunting written down.

Fwiw, I’m now 37 and 13 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby. It’s a planned pregnancy, we were actively trying, but I still get the ‘wtf am I doing’ moments. It’s perfectly normal to have doubts about something so life changing.