33 weeks pregnant and have found my partner cheating

[Bettsy123]

Hi all,
I am 26 and 33weeks pregnant with my first baby (little girl), my husband went away to work abroad 2 months ago.
(He went away to make more money 'for our family', i told him the pregnancy and him definately being here for the birth was more important)
2 days ago, before I was supposed to go to my first antenatal appointment alone, i got a message off of one of the women he has been sleeping with, when i confronted him he denied it and lied until i showed him i had proof and then finally admitted it. He would never have come clean.
I then find out from the same girl he has at least slept with 2 other girls since he has been out there (I have proof), i had already asked him if there was anyone else and he had said no. When i confromted him again he denied it and lied and kept lying until he finally told me the truth.

Within a week of being over there he had downloaded a dating app, within 4 weeks he had slept with one of them at least. He is not the man I married.
I am devestated, whilst ive been at home on my own, sorting out the house etc and going to all the baby appointments on my own, he has been drinking every weekend and seeping with other women.
We hadnt been going through a rough patch and as far as I knew the relationship was great.
We have been together for 4 years and married for 15months. Right now I have no idea where my life is going, we had so many plans and now i feel like im in the middle of ruin.
I dont feel like i want him at the birth, am I being cruel?
If I choose to divorce (which i think i will) I would want the baby to have my maiden name. He has another child and we would be at other ends of the country so I cant imagine he would make the effort to see our daughter.

How am I expected to raise a daughter on my own, to be a little powerhouse and respect herself if I allow myslef to be treated like this and go back to him?
But at the same time, the feelings dont just go away.
I am scared about the birth and everything that follows and the thought of having to do it all on my own. I have a support network back home, but I hate to feel like I am having to have help off of everyone else.

Nice back to your home and support network. Tell your parents. File for divorce. Leave him divorce papers. Get copies of all paperwork.
I did it - new job, new house, new baby - you can too. Give the baby your name, tell your midwife as you need testing for STI etc you can and will do this for your daughter. Women are strong, women can and do it on their own and make fantastic parents. One good parent and support network !

Meant to say move not nice!

Oh sweetheart. My god what a shock for you.
That’s absolutely awful.
To start with, you will not be a burden on anyone. If you have a good support network and are close to family members or friends, then they will want to be around you and try to make life easier.
If you do not want him at the birth, then don’t have him. I can’t imagine he is going to make you feel calm and relaxed and that is what you need. Start thinking about who else you would like there with you instead.
In terms of the baby having your maiden name, just make sure you return yours back the same too as otherwise things can get complicated when travelling and signing documents.
I’m all for fathers having the same rights to their children and being allowed on the birth certificate but I also believe that if you are the main carer for this baby, then you need to make life easier for yourself.
And to be honest, he’s not exactly proving himself at the moment.
Just because he’s been a terrible husband though, it doesn’t mean he will be a terrible father.
I’m just so so sorry your in such a horrible situation at what should be such An exciting time in your life x x

How horrible for you. But you do sound strong, you’re talking about being s role model for your daughter which means you’re thinking straight.
You can absolutely refuse to have him at the birth. Don’t door alone, do you have s friend or family who can be there for you? (My husband was his sister’s birth partner).
She can definitely have your maiden name.
Your daughter will bring you joy, focus on her needs and your needs, your husband deserves nothing. Make sure you tell people why, they will be able to support you more, you have nothing to be ashamed of, he’s been a monumental shit.

You poor thing. Give your daughter your name and start building a life for yourself. You can do it.

Thankyou everyone,

I just never thought I would be in this position, or that he was even capable (but then i suppose nobody ever does!)

There was a possibility that he wouldnt be there for the birth due to his working away so I had a back up plan for birthing partners etc anyways.

And yes, definately a monumental shit!!

Hes gone away and got swept up with all the drinking and completely forgot what he had at home. Thinking I would never find out and he could come home and play happy families.

Wow. There's no doubt at all you will be better off without this arsehole. I'm sorry this has happened to you, you deserve much better. I hope your friends and family can support you through the next few months and years, I wouldn't count on him helping at all.

I'm disgusted for you OP but also glad you found out now so you can take steps and hopefully have some things sorted before your precious baby arrives.
I would not have him at the birth and I would definitely be giving the baby my maiden name. You can do it and even if it doesn't feel like it you are a lot stronger than you think.

The thought of a man going away like that, sleeping about and then being able to go back and pretend to be mr.perfect who had to endure going away to provide for his wife and future baby and playing happy families with no remorse or consequence makes my blood boil.

You sound amazing OP. I’ve got tears in my eyes thinking about how lucky your little girl is to have such an amazing Mum. (10 days post birth and v emotional!)

He’s pond scum.

Leave and don’t look back. The best revenge is a life well lived. In a couple of years you’ll have moved on, be living your best life with your little girl, and never have to worry about him and his antics again.

You’re amazing

what a shame that is horrible! no one deserves to get treated like that. I know it's hard but you can do it on your own it will be easier in the long run rather than being paranoid everytime your husband goes out. You don't treat someone you love like that he sounds like a scumbag if he is half a decent person he will be a good dad to your baby and you deserve someone who treats you right so sorry xx

So sorry you’re going through this but you sound strong and you got this! You deserve better than that and us women are stronger than what people like to think. You can do it & set up a new life for you and your baby.

Men are sly & the ones who deny it & flat out lie are the worst - they just can’t be trusted can they (from experience).

What a dreadful shock for you ! I hope you have plenty of RL support.
Like others have said - you don't have to have him at the birth - he does's have that right anymore. Likewise you can call you little girl whichever name you like.

I would suggest though you get some legal advice on parental responsibility - I think I'm right that husbands have automatic parental responsibility and the right to register the child's birth, if they have the right paperwork. You can check with the Registrar's office.