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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I thought he wanted kids with me

21 replies

Unknooown · 10/11/2018 16:27

I feel so heartbroken and lost, i’m 18 and yesterday i took a pregnancy test and found out i was pregnant, my boyfriend is older than me, he’s 30 (pls dont judge) and weve been together over a year, he always talks about getting married and having kids etc, when i broke the news to him yesterday, i guess reality finally hit him... today he’s telling me how hes thought about it and doesn’t want kids anymore, how with kids it’s stressful and we wont be able to do things we want, he said hed rather us just not have kids and just chill together forever! Obviously I seemed upset he just told me to chill, i said how can i when we have something big going on right now... he told me its easily sorted (abortion) like i was excited to have this child with him and start a proper family , but now he’s completely changed his mind and im so heart broken right now i have no idea what to think !!!

OP posts:
physicskate · 10/11/2018 16:48

He doesn't sound very mature or like he knows what he wants. If he didn't want kids he should use condoms or get the snip.

You're young and you'll learn that he's a bit of a waste of your time at some point... he says the 'right' things but actions speak louder than words.

PerverseConverse · 10/11/2018 16:55

What do you want OP? He's Bering very immature and irresponsible. Not wanting kids means using contraception and I assume he didn't and you didn't either knowing they he said he wanted children with you?

MandalaYogaTapestry · 10/11/2018 17:01

Did he say he wanted the kids with you right now - or in the future?

Who was using contraception?

missyB1 · 10/11/2018 17:06

Jesus he’s telling you to “chill” about an abortion (that it sounds like you don’t even want!)
Sorry but that says everything about the kind of man he is. Run for the hills!

Oh and congratulations on your pregnancy Smile

Original poster
Unknooown · 10/11/2018 17:07

So neither of us were using contraception... ik we should have been, but he said he wants kids as in the near future, but there was a time i thought i was pregnant before, and i told him and he told me that if i was that i could apply to a flat with the council and hell live there with me and well raise our child, but now that I ACTUALLY am pregnant he completely changed his mind saying how thinking about it now he doesnt want kids, or the stress etc he is saying that if i wana keep it hell support me, but why do i wanna keep a baby he doesn’t even want ! And what does this even mean for our relationship now ? Say if i dont keep it ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Unknooown · 10/11/2018 17:08

Thankyou, its so weird being congratulated lol, and i dont want an abortion , but i also dont want to keep a baby he doesn’t want i just dont even know anymore like what does this even mean for us ??!!

OP posts:
PerverseConverse · 10/11/2018 17:33

Sounds like he saw a child as a ticket to a flat and has now changed his mind.
I couldn't stay with a man like this. He's 12 years older than you and is being very immature. Have you got family support? Friends? Could you manage on your own?
And yes, congratulations!

GemmeFatale · 10/11/2018 17:40

Whatever you choose you should decide for you. Assume he won’t be in the picture either way, because he probably won’t be.

You can keep the baby, you can have an abortion, you can look at adoption. I’d suggest you go and have a chat with a medical practitioner (your doctor or a local sexual health clinic will be able to signpost appropriate advice/counselling).

physicskate · 10/11/2018 17:58

So he never wanted a child. He wanted a flat?! What a dick!! He's not a child, yet he wants to take no responsibility. He wasn't even going to take responsibility when he said he wanted a child - the state was going to take responsibility!!!!

Bombardier25966 · 10/11/2018 18:04

Is this the gambling coke addict?

Please please look after yourself OP, and get away from this man.

Original poster
Unknooown · 10/11/2018 18:33

Yess !!! The gambling coke addict thats the one !! And ironically the day i took the test he told me he gambled earlier on in the day and lost more money again

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 10/11/2018 18:36

Please don't stay with him. Make a decision that is best for you and baby.

toolazytothinkofausername · 10/11/2018 18:38
  1. Get rid of the man child!
  2. Do what is best for you.
Beckyv88 · 10/11/2018 18:42

He doesn’t sound like he’d be a very good father. Think about you and your baby - and what you really want. It’ll be hard, but if you work hard you can give your baby a good life. You don’t need a man like that dragging you down.

PerverseConverse · 10/11/2018 18:59

Jesus Christ, why on earth were you even shagging him let alone actively trying to get pregnant? Please get rid of him and get yourself some counselling to help you figure out why you got involved with a coke and gambling addict 12 years older than you when you are just a young adult. All the best OP, whatever you decide regarding the baby.

CaramelCluster · 10/11/2018 19:19

Wow...have to agree with all the PPs comments on this one. He sounds like an absolute mess, and you sound like you have your whole life ahead of you. The facts are he's not going to be able to financially, emotionally or mentally look after you, that much is clear. If he's snorting and gambling, that's A LOT of money he's burning there, not forgetting the amount of brain cells depleting from that already empty head space of his. If you do decide to keep the baby, having that kind of relationship is only going to get worse for you. If you have the support of family and friends my suggestion is to be with that support network, and get away from his abusiveness asap. There are many single mums out there who do just fine, if not better than if they stayed with someone like that...woman are strong survivalists and unfortunately we sometimes forget that.

Babyno2mamabear · 10/11/2018 19:47

Agree with all the PPs. You have to look at this now as a very black and white situation, the fact of the matter is you have a little baby growing (huge congratulations) and now you need to decide what is best for that baby. I work with children, from a range of backgrounds, and I can put my hand on my heart and tell you that if you stay with this man, then bringing a baby into the world will not be the best situation. A coke and gambling addict is not what the baby needs and there are people out there who will see that too. If you're saying abortion is not an option for you, then you need to leave him and be confident to do this alone, lots of mums do it, but it isn't a walk in the park! What support do you have? I'm the kind of person who needs to see things as black and white, sorry if you're not, but I see you have 2 choices: 1) You choose to bring a life into the world and be the best mum in the world, and you do it as a single mama who gives her all to being a mummy (you sound like you'd be great). Or, 2) you stay with a gambling and coke addict who won't ever give you the respect you need and you seriously consider abortion or adoption, you cannot raise a baby with him lovely, he isn't cut out for being a dad. Sending love xx

PBobs · 11/11/2018 03:20

You need to decide what's best for you. Not him or the embryo. You. He certainly sounds like he needs to be kicked to the curb. Now you need to decide if you want a baby and whether you can manage alone. You have options as you know.

RCohle · 11/11/2018 03:59

I think you need to leave him immediately. He is an addict who is stringing you along with stories of a rosy future that he has no intention of providing.

You would be raising this baby alone OP. You are very young, please consider carefully whether that is something you really want.

Babymammy · 11/11/2018 04:11

Congratulations on the baby.

I agree u need to do what best for u. As others have said if u have family/friends support and think u could manage alone then I'd go for it ! You need to leave him whether pregnant or not. And if u stay for the sake of the baby you'll end up more lonely than if u went it alone. You've been promised the world and let down already and it's only going to get worse when it's promised to u and a baby and nothing every comes of it (TRUST ME). All the best op Flowers

Rachelover40 · 11/11/2018 05:05

He sounds like a very immature 30 year old. Many men do get cold feet when they first realise they are going to be a parent but generally settle down to the idea. Well give him a chance but don't give him too long!

You're very young, have years ahead of you to have children.

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