DP gone off sex, feeling rubbish

[sadsurreymum]

35 weeks and it's been ages since DP and I have had sex. I'm still up for it and want sex at least twice a week. I've spoken with DP about it, he says there's nothing about me that's unattractive, he's not worried about hurting the baby, etc. I've not gained massive amounts of weight , really I'm all bump and pregnancy boobs (which I thought might be a turn on but apparently not.)

We share a laptop and I know he's looked at pornos lately so is helping himself. Which is fine but I'm feeling rejected and bloody rubbish about myself now. Not sure why he won't just tell me he's not attracted to me. Almost would feel better if he'd lie and say he was worried about hurting the baby

I don't know what to suggest.

We are similar. I'm randy frequently and DH just isn't however I know that he isn't for a few reasons but the main ones being that he knows how much I cramp (& how much the cramps hurt) afterwards and he hates seeing it and also she likes to be quite active in an eve so it's off putting for him to feel her moving around whilst he's getting on with it both of which I totally understand but it doesn't make it any better

xx

Thank you, good to know I'm not alone. He hasn't said he can feel her moving but I suspect he finds the whole thing odd and just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. But we've always been quite open about sex and had a bit of a rough go whilst TTC (took a bit longer than we expected) but thought we were moved on by now.

I can help myself too of course but it's not the same and I'm really missing the intimacy of sex. And I know it will be a while before I'm ready after baby comes too. Don't want to end up in a sexless relationship and it's already starting to feel that way, would like to go into fourth trimester without that worry and pressure IYSWIM.

Also feels a bit rubbish as so many mums say they're in the opposite situation, their DP finds then a glowing maternity goddess and can't get enough of them

Xx

I was in a similar situation with my first baby's father, and he was nice at first he started wanking a little bit towards the end and in the last 5 weeks we didn't have sex either I also didn't want to that much though tbh but neither did he I was too big and it was uncomfortable, I put loads of weight on 3 stone I was massive and after I had her I remember this one time she was sleeping about 6 weeks old I said shall we have sex while she has a nap it's been ages he said to me I'm too tired we will later I said okay no probs I'll watch a series and have a cuppa do you want one, no thanks love, I noticed he had disappeared ( watching my show I wasn't sure where he was) I went upstairs to check he was wanking over this girl called Jenny and I caught him I went on the tv and checked the history for about 3 weeks he had been wanking over Jenny like 2-3 times a day. I felt like nothing at all anyway I started hating him I felt so shit I was massive just had a baby felt betrayed to an extent it wasn't nice it got worse he would wank onto his t shirts and hide them, one time he hid my tea towel in my daughters bouncer box that he had cummed on hopefully it gets better for you and your experience wasn't like mine I ended up leaving him and getting with my childhood sweatheart and now we're having are first baby together (but I still have a good relationship with my daughters dad) he now understands what he was doingn was wrong and didn't understand how I felt so maybe try tell him how it's making you feel xxx

DH is the same. He liked the idea of "pregnant sex" initially, but as the weeks pass he seems less and less into it. I am trying not to take it personally but it's bloody hard. I am going to the gym three times a week and am still very fit, and I find myself attractive, so the fact he doesn't feel the same is leaving me a bit resentful :(

I suspect it's more to do with his state of mind as the day draws nearer to becoming a father. It comes out in different ways. My DH didn't go off sex but he did go very uncommunicative and I had no idea how he felt about our lives changing. After I asked him he blurted out that he was terrified something was going to happen to me and that he was worried about being a good Dad. So it's probably sthg like that getting in the way of his mojo.

Could you ask him about maybe increasing intimacy even if he’s not up for full sex?

I’m 36 weeks, huge and uncomfortable and not really up for very much these days but my partner and I still manage plenty of cuddles and kisses, shower together, snuggle up at night etc. so I feel like we’re not losing that intimacy.