Pre natal depression?

[CrabbyPatty]

Just looking for supportive words and advice I think....

I have a history of depression and anxiety usually related to work and fears over people's perception of me and my performance. I manage a team doing a highly stressful and emotionally draining job, so I guess I'm a glutton for punishment! To add context I'm well paid and deemed to be successful or my age, which whilst I acknowledge I'm lucky, this in itself can be a pressure. About a year ago after a promotion work started to really take its toll and I ended up having a couple of months off after a period of not functioning at work at all. I returned with a support plan in place including clear advice to speak up if I felt unwell again. On my return I was just starting to bounce back when I had a miscarriage (first baby) resulting in more time off and I definitely should have taken a few weeks longer than I did. More recently I had been feeling happy, settled and confident and comfortable with my team and my managers. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant and over the past couple of weeks I've started to feel overwhelmed at work and paranoid about my performance and what people think of me and lost motivation again. I've not felt rested over the weekends/evenings - my husband recently lost his job and we'd been arguing and he'd become quite difficult to live with. I took a few days off sick last week thinking I just needed a break. His job prospects are starting to look up and he'd been really enjoyable company over these days. I came back to work on Monday and started to feel the pressure again and quite simply didn't want to get up and go to work this morning. I've had heart palpitations and I can't relax. Is this pre natal depression? I'm not worried about the baby, I'm super excited and can't wait for her to be born (and also to start maternity leave!). I'm putting off contacting the midwife/GP because I'm a private person and just find it draining talking about my feelings. And I find it difficult to tell managers I'm struggling. I also feel guilty and not even sure if my feelings are real. Thoughts anyone? Or can anyone relate?

You sound exactly like me, I completely understand that sometimes telling people seems tougher than just putting up with the way you feel. However, I would mention it to your GP, things like not wanting to get up/ go out are usually a warning sign. I saw my GP very early on because I have very bad anxiety and it really ramped up. If your trust is anything like mine, your midwife will probably just give you a form to fill in and come up with a score to see how depressed you are (!). Apparently I was 2 points under the threshold for being properly depressed so I don't get any help, but the GP was a bit more sympathetic.

Could you talk to your work about winding down a bit, maybe working from home a day or week or something that takes you out of the environment?

I am 26 weeks pregnant and have suffered with anxiety all of my life which causes me to become depressed. I also had a demanding job which I left a year ago as it was contributing to my poor mental health and had been for years.
I am a private person also but spoke to my midwife at my booking appointment about my history of anxiety and was quickly offered weekly CBT which has been invaluable for me and would have been even if I wasn't pregnant. I would advise you mention it as there is a lot of support available.
Pregnancy is anxiety provoking enough without a stressful job and living situation on top of it and maybe you just need a bit of support to see you through the next few weeks.