Unplanned 3rd pregnancy..husband wants me to abort

[DK1234]

Hi ..I am in biggest dilemma of my life..I am 3 months pregnant with my 3rd baby..wasn’t planned, failed vasectomy. Husband not supportive about this at all and wants me to abort.. I have cancelled one abortio appt. already went through the counselling and now have appt next week. I am struggling and feeling guilty.. I don’t want to do this, but I am unable to convince my husband who keeps cumng up wit all the reasons in the world for us not to have 3rd baby.. I spoke to my family and he spoke to his..my family is supportive of my decision, they live abroad but are willing to come and help out for3-4 months as well as financially if needed. His parents are supportive of his decision but they said they wil help me if I go ahead but they are not keen on me having 3rd one..we both are is stable permanent jobs and have a 5 and half and 2 and half yr old..pls advice ..

Honestly, don't have an abortion if you don't want to, I had one and it still effects me 6+ months later and that was when I knew it was the right decision for me and my existing daughter due to financial reasons and others. If you can afford this baby and you don't want an abortion, don't let him force you. Your body, your choice.

Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Your husband is being very clear that he doesn’t want this child so you have to assume your relationship will breakdown if you continue with this pregnancy. If you still feel you want this baby knowing there’s a good chance you’ll be a single parent at least you go into with your eyes open.

I hope you come to a decision that brings you happiness.

Don't have it. You don't want it. It's a huge, life long and potentially traumatic thing he is trying to bullhorn you into.

It’s solely your choice.

It's a sad situation. It's not like he didn't do everything possible to stop this.
It is only your decision though.but you need to go into this with wide eyes.

You have the abortion. Will you resent him?will you be able to stay with him?

You don't. Will he stay?

What a horrible situation. While I don’t blame your husband for how he feels, please don’t let yourself be railroaded into anything x it’s your body and your choice

Oh gosh! What a terrible situation to find yourself in. The fact that your DH had a vasectomy shows that he was serious about not having further children.

I would never go ahead with an abortion that I didn’t want to but similarly, you may need to accept that this will be the death knell on your marriage if you do go ahead with the pregnancy, be it now or much further down the road.

It’s an unfortunate situation to be in OP, you have my sympathies.

Thanks for responding so far..my husband is very practical about it and he is telling me to treat this like an accident rather than and emotionally..I feel I will blame myself for killing the Baby and him for putting me into this. I feel he will stay if I continue but it won’t be the same relationship.. similarly I will not leave him for this but I will not be able to bond again because of what has happened

You have two children together. You are a family.
I couldn’t go through with a termination of my children’s sibling, a baby with their father unless there were medical reasons. Now I’m a mother I couldn’t do it it is a part of them too.
I’m not a pro life I am vehemently pro choice and you have already chosen not to go through with the termination. You’ve told us on here that you don’t want to that you feel guilty and you are trying to convince your husband.
If everyone waited to have a perfect life before they had children there would be a lot less people on the planet.

If you can’t go through with it then your husband will have to respect that.
Do not have a termination because he wants you to or because you are frightened of what he will do if you don’t. You must do what you feel is the right decision for you.

I know what I would do and If it were my husband his behaviour would really kill a lot of my feelings and thoughts about him. That may not be you, it may be. Whatever happens, whatever you decided I wish you the very best and hope that things can be resolved without your being heartbroken and devastated 💐

It’s solely your choice. His choices include whether to support that choice; whether to stay in the relationship if you have DC3; and whether to be a decent, active parent to all 3.

He shouldn’t be telling you how to think or feel about a termination.

Hi, I was in the same position 8 years ago. Had a DD4 and DS3 and fell pregnant again, unplanned. DP (who is now ex DP) didn't want us to have a third, we had no space, time, money etc. I agreed that it wasn't the most practical choice to go ahead with the pregnancy but the thought of aborting my children's brother or sister ate me up inside. I had midwife and abortion clinic appointments booked for the same day and went from day to day hoping he'd change his mind. I also knew that if I got rid of my baby because he wanted to then I would resent him for the rest of my life. A few days before the appointments I was sat at work crying, again, when he text and said if you want to cancel the abortion clinic, cancel it. It was such a weight of my mind. The relief was like nothing I had felt before. I already sensed I was carrying another little girl (I was) and I had bonded with her. My now 7 year old DD is a ray of sunshine, she loves life and I sometimes wonder if that is because she may not have had one if I had agreed with him. Please don't do anything that you are not 100% with. My DP and I split up anyway, even after he changed his mind. He loves her to bits but please do what is best for you!

Might be worth thinking about why you want to keep the baby and listing all the reasons to your husband so he can understand. Just going to say, when we have a wanted pregnancy we think of the fetus as a baby front day 1 but this is just our emotions. It's not really a baby at 3 months, can't think or feel anything.

It is entirely your choice as it's your body. Weigh up the consequences of either decision and then you might be in a better position to decide. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It must be a very difficult time...I hope you will feel right in your decision and that everything works out for you

I had an abortion at 6 weeks pregnant. I already had 4 dc and was in a miserable abusive relationship.

I have mixed feelings about it. I regret the fact I got pregnant and I regret the abortion to some extent. But I also accept it was the best thing to do. I became a single mother not long after, if I had a newborn that would have been a lot more difficult.

In saying that, I often think about the baby. How old he/she would be now, what they would be like etc. It is something that lives with you all the time. I feel guilty about it. However, I do think that in the circumstances I made the right decision.

I was six weeks and took the tablet. The process was pretty uneventful. At 12 weeks that might be different so I would consider that in your decision.