20 month age gap

[JenE1]

I don't have a question, I guess i'm more looking for some reassurance.

I have a little girl who has just turned one and have recently found out that I'm pregnant again (unplanned). The baby is due at the end of June so there will be a 20 month age gap.

My husband is over the moon but I feel guilty as all I can think about is how hard it is going to be rather than feeling excited.

I have recently decided not to return to work. This was my decision and one that I am really happy with, however I can't help but worry that now my life will be completely different than I originally planned having two children under two.

I know it sounds really trivial but my daughter has just got to the age that I'm happy to leave her for longer than a few hours, I've started to feel like myself again so finding out I'm pregnant has knocked me for six a bit.

Does this make me a terrible mum??

Anyone with experience of an unplanned pregnancy or small age gaps please tell me that this feeling of worry / fear will pass so that I can start enjoying my pregnancy. I'm dreading telling everyone as I know people will comment on how hard it's going to be and I don't feel like I'm in the right head space.

Definitely doesn't make you a bad Mum!
My younger sisters were 18 months apart, Mum always said she was dreading it with them being so close in age but it's amazing. They're so close, their bond is great. I was always a little bit jealous! Enjoy your pregnancy and cross paths when it comes to it

I planned my children close together (16 months apart), and yes, I did get the comments about having them close together, but I think you just have to be thick skinned about it, and let the comments go over your head. Its not for everyone, but this is your life not theirs!

Having your DH being over the moon, sounds as though he will be super supportive (mine was too), and this by far helped me get through the anxiety and fear once baby arrived.

It wasnt a walk in the park, (and it can be hard work), but once you get into some kind of routine, things do get a lot easier. we also gave our eldest as much 'one to one' time as we possibly could, (especially in the early days, until baby was old enough to play with them) because its so hard for them to understand that they cant have you all to themselves anymore.

My children are now (22, 21 and 17) and they all have such a close bond, its just lovely. Yes, I went on to have a third child 4 years later, so I can say from my experience, it was well worth all the hard work and I would do it again in a heartbeat!!

Obviously different people have different experiences, but I hope you get lots of positive stories on here, that will help you through your fears.

Our DC are 18 months apart and it was very much planned.

DB and I are 20 months apart and great friends growing up, close to this day. I wanted to replicate that.

The early days of baby and toddler are tough, but we wouldn't have done it any other way.

They are friends, into the same things, it's great.

My 2 daughters are 15 months apart in age, the 2nd not planned
First DD was just 6 months old when I got pregnant again!!
Has been lovely though, bringing them up together, only 1 school year between them.
I think it helped that DD1 was special needs, so not as hard as far as older DD being on the move would have been!!
But, I always said,surely it wasnt as hard as having twins-2 tiny babies at the same time, at least I got a gentler start with my 2 babies!!! I wouldnt change it for the world

My Dd1 is now 14 months and Dd2 is due in 8 weeks - I have had (am having!) similar to concerns to you - even though Dd2 was planned and we wanted them close together really didn't think it would happen so quickly - but listening to the lovely experiences other mums have shared about having siblings so close together it's set my mind at ease.

I'm expecting it to be hard work at the start (it's getting a little difficult atm as I'm heavily pregnant and DD1 started walking at 10months, so chasing, lifting, changing is getting a bit exhausting but easy does it etc!) Plus having a C-section this time (placenta previa) so am currently rallying support for the early days!

I had the same feeling at the start also (fear, worry, how will DD1 adjust...?) but have kind of changed those thoughts during my pregnancy to 'Ok, routine change, accept it might be tough at first, well worth it though'....and now just looking forward to her being here (trying to by-pass my fear of giving birth, last time was a bit traumatic for me, but that's another thread :) )

I hope you have a lovely pregnancy and your fears and worries subside, but maybe try and use them to your advantage to prepare for the early days - and remember all the lovely stories people are sharing about how nice it has been down the road x

My DCs are 16 months apart.

It was a shock when I was pregnant so soon after the 1st, but looking back I felt Iike I knew more what to do 2nd time around. Yes it was hard, but it was fine. Not terrible m

They're 24 & 23 now and still good company for each other, just as they were when they were little. Which at times made life easier for me really.

Me & DB are 14 months apart, chatted about that to my mum who said yes, hard but do-able.

I'd wanted more than 1 child anyway tho so even if there'd been a longer age gap I'd still have been zoomed back to babyworld at some stage. Looking back I preferred how all turned out

Thank you so much for all your supportive words, it has made me feel better to hear your positive experiences 😊

19 months apart here (not exactly planned!). I felt exactly like you when I found out I was pregnant with number 2. I’d struggled a lot with the first year of parenthood and adjusting to not being able to just do what I wanted when I wanted!
Not going to lie the first 6 months of having 2 was really tough for me. I had two horrendous sleepers and I was beyond exhausted. They’re 4 and 3 now and they’re honestly the best of friends. I bit of bickering but generally they amuse themselves/each other. They had their own rooms but have been begging to go in together so they are in their first week of sharing a room and are loving it. It’s easy to take them out as they’re both at a similar stage and enjoy the same things.
Now pregnant with DC3 and fretting about how another will affect their lovely relationship!

DS is 15mo and I'm 14 weeks pregnant.
Very much planned and I also chose not to return to work. You already sound like you've got things more sorted than me!
DS has never slept through the night and a good night is when he only wakes up 3 times 🙈.
And I've only left him once so far with someone who isn't his dad, and it was for my 12 week scan because kids aren't allowed in the scan room!
Part of me wants to make DS to feel secure and safe as possible. But the other part of me thinks if I'm still this clingy with him it's going to be too big a change for him when baby number 2 is born. Already stressed about where he's going to be during the Labour and if he'll be upset!
I know it's going to be hard, though during the day DS is super laid back and just toddles around playing on his own. No more after this one though so I do think it'll be good to get all the baby stages over with at the same time. And as they grow older age appropriate outing and things will be easier as they should both be ready for things at the same time.