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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Has anyone let partner find out baby's sex but not yourself?

23 replies

ClaireyFL · 31/10/2018 07:52

Hi all,

20 wk scan next week. Partner really really wants to know the sex of the baby, I really really don't. Sonographer says she can tell one of us. Partner swears he can keep it a secret.

Has anyone else done this? Am I mad for considering it? It's a big deal for my partner. He would like a girl and says if it's a boy he wants time to get his head around it.

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StylishMummy · 31/10/2018 07:54

Don't do it, having such a strong preference gives him time to get wound up if it's not the desired sex. If it's a surprise on the day the emotions will wash away all preferences. Why does he want a girl?

Villanelle123 · 31/10/2018 07:59

I can understand where he is coming from as I felt exactly the same as him. I’d have needed the time if it was a boy but in hindsight I agree with the above poster that on the day you’re going to be head over heels no matter what sex it is.

I don’t see how him knowing and you not could work. In a shop is he still going to manage to only look at neutral stuff and not lean towards one or the other?

beccii161016 · 31/10/2018 08:09

My sonographer refused to tell DP without telling me. I'm unsure whether that's standard practice or not.

beccii161016 · 31/10/2018 08:12

Also, if he would need time to get his head around a boy, I wouldn't advise finding out.

If the the time comes and you deliver a boy he'll have his baby boy in his arms and he won't need any time to get his head around it. For the vast majority of people, being bothered about the sex disappears as soon as their baby is here.

coragreta · 31/10/2018 08:15

But surely you'd know by his reaction? If he was all happy girl. If all grumpy boy?

loveskaka · 31/10/2018 08:16

I don't know how he could keep it a secret, it would be natural for him to refer to the baby as him/her if he's knows. He would for sure slip up.

MsHopey · 31/10/2018 08:35

I wanted to know to connect with the baby and to get clothes and bedding in certain colours and to pick a name.
I did want a girl but when I found out o was having a boy I wasn't bothered at all. But like your DH thought I might need the time to "get used to it". I didn't and my son is amazing.

But realistically I think it's unlikely to work if one of you knows and the other doesn't. I guarantee you'd find out within a week. It's an exciting secret and I do think he'll slip up.
My MIL says she's doesn't want to know the sex of our next baby, but we're telling everyone else, including 3 people who live with her, I don't think it's going to last long her not knowing.
My DH says I'm growing a baby and shouldn't be stressed or worried about accidentally revealing the sex to his mom as I have to concentrate on relaxing and our current DS. Not worrying if I'm going to say he/she or babies name, or any of a million things that could slip up.
I think it's a lot easier to say you can keep it a secret but in reality it just won't happen.

xJune88 · 31/10/2018 08:45

We're thinking about doing the same. Hubby wants to know and I want a surprise but I'm worried hell blurt it out and ruin the surprise for me haha x

MonkeyToucher · 31/10/2018 11:04

I agree with a pp - it’s not so much about him blurting it out, it’s more that his reaction will make it obvious as he has a clear preference!

Fwiw we didn’t find out with Dc 1 as I was imagining some Disney-esque moment after the birth where it was announced “its a ....!”. In reality once you’ve pushed out a baby you couldn’t give a toss as long as it’s healthy and I was immediately rushed to theatre so didn’t even know it was a boy until I came round from anaesthetic. Pregnant with DC2 and this time we have found out - it’s lovely beginning the bonding process now and with hindsight I wish I’d found out last time too!

Original poster

ClaireyFL · 01/11/2018 19:55

Thanks all! This has definitely given me lots of food for thought! x

OP posts:

Pyxie · 01/11/2018 21:11

We've done this. DH wanted to know and I didn't so he found out. We refer to bump as a him or her (I mostly say him cause I'm convinced it's a boy!) So if he did slip up I wouldn't know. He's known for 10+ weeks and hasn't given anything away. I felt he had as much right to know as I did to not.

Original poster

ClaireyFL · 01/11/2018 21:29

Thanks Pyxie we may try that, good idea :)

OP posts:

FirstTimeBumps · 02/11/2018 09:40

We were the opposite way around, I wanted to know and he didn't. I agreed not to find out because although I could hold my water, I'd probably give it away based on my reaction as I know he has a preference for a girl as he has two boys already although he will be made up either way. Don't let him do it OP. Keep it a suprise!

SoyDora · 02/11/2018 09:43

What coragreta said. You’ll know from his reaction.
I think him having a preference is a strong reason for him not to find out.

pumpkinpie01 · 02/11/2018 09:53

I think him having a strong preference is a good reason to find out - he could be getting his hopes up for the rest of the pregnancy that its a girl. My son really wanted a boy - he started talking about what it would be like to have a son he then found out they were having a girl and was initially disappointed but obviously over the moon when she was born. I think if he had spent 9 months day dreaming about having a son that would have been more dissapointing than finding out at 16 weeks.

Original poster

ClaireyFL · 02/11/2018 11:35

Well it turns out he isn't bothered if it's a boy or a girl, I just totally got the wrong end of the stick in an earlier conversation we had! He's just a bit of a planner and would quite to know...still thinking about it 🤔

OP posts:

Newbie21 · 03/11/2018 00:35

My very good friend wanted to find out but Her husband did not so she found out and didn't tell anyone and he never knew until the baby was born. My friend is incredibly strong willed so one of the few capable of doing something like that. She said she likes babies in white so wouldn't have influenced her purchased but it did mean she could maybe throw things away if it was a boy as she has 2 girls - it was another girl.

Spargle · 03/11/2018 06:12

I want to find out, and DH does not. Not sure what will happen about that yet - I suspect we’ll both find out, but perhaps I have reserves of willpower nobody anticipates? I have a preference for a girl, and that’s only going to be overridden if I find out I’m having a boy, at which point I will develop a preference for a boy. Better to get onto that sooner rather than later! DH has no preference.

I hope that your situation is resolved easily and in a satisfactory manner 🙂

IWouldLikeToKnow · 03/11/2018 06:36

I know a couple that did this, but it was the mum that knew. She kept it secret even though every knew that she knew. It sure I wouldn't have let it slip to my husband

LittleDoveLove · 03/11/2018 06:41

I wanted to know to get my head around what I was having so I understand your husband completely and it's how my mind works with most things (I'm a planner!). Everyone is different and if that's how he feels I wouldn't mind him knowing (biggest worry I would have is mine would blab!) . From feeling the same as your husband I have only felt better since finding out and original preference has disappeared as I look at clothes and toys and I've asked advice from friends with babies the same sex and it's been great to learn in advance of my babies arrival. As you can see it's really helped me and now I'm excited. To me I think the most important thing is he's being honest on how his mind works, we're all different :)

Clueing4looks · 03/11/2018 08:09

My sister didn’t want to find out and wouldn’t let her dh findbout either. He really wanted a boy and she didn’t care either way. She said she wished she had have let him find out first as the look of disappointment on her dhs face when he saw it was a girl was really upsetting.

SoyDora · 03/11/2018 08:15

Clueing4looks would he have been able to hide that disappointment from your sister for the last 20 weeks of pregnancy?
To be honest i wouldn’t knowingly reproduce with a man who had a clear sex preference, and I’m not sure I could get passed them looking disappointed with the sex when I’d given birth.

fromdespairto · 03/11/2018 08:27

My DH found out the sex at my 20wk scan, I did not. He was amazing at keeping it secret and didn't give anything away. Neither of us had any strong preference for either sex thou so it worked for us.

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