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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Terrified!!!!!Pregnant with my 2nd, first is 7 months old

12 replies

Chloe165 · 30/10/2018 19:31

I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant again. I have a 7 month old and this pregnancy wasn’t planned. I’m so scared because me and my partner have had a hard time adapting to one and we booked our wedding a few months ago for 2020 so obviously this is not looking as likely. I have not told him yet and even considering a termination without telling him because I don’t want to wreck things with money worries and dealing with peoples judgements (his parents) and our baby was such hard work with terrible reflux and I feel like I might have post natal depression. I just need people advice on what it’s like going from one to two and telling partners. Thank you

OP posts:

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moomoo85 · 30/10/2018 21:33

I don't have a small gap so can't advice you about that unfortunately. However I would advice that you please talk to your partner. This is the man you are going to marry please don't keep such a big thing to yourself. Talk to him about it and make the decision together.

GladAllOver · 30/10/2018 21:37

Seconding to say you must discuss this with your partner. It's his child as well, and although the ultimate decision is yours, you may feel very guilty in the future to have hidden a termination from him.

stepbystepdoula · 31/10/2018 05:12

Talk to your partner , you need support.
A small gap can be hard work, but sometimes having a small gap can mean you are not out of the baby phase, so adapt easily.
Take things a day at a time and get help for reflux and possible depression now, don t wait 💙

myotherbagisgucci · 31/10/2018 07:32

I'm 21 weeks with DC2 and DC1 is 10 months old, so they'll be 15 months between them.

Although we planned to have two close together, it still came as quite a shock when I fell pregnant when DC1 was 5 months old. Especially as DC1 had terrible reflux and colic, thankfully that eased off massively around 7/8 months.

Our families were also surprised and questioned our decision, but they understand that it's our choice and are starting to become more supportive.

I've also heard from a lot of mums in similar situations that it's hard at first juggling two and organisation is key, but it gets easier the older they get.

I also keep telling myself that they're are plenty of people who have twins and they manage absolutely fine. Xx

Muffin7 · 31/10/2018 07:40

Hello. I have an 11month gap between my son and daughter, it was planned and I would do it again in a heartbeat, in fact I am now pregnant with our third, bigger gap this time due to consultant advice after 2 c.sections. It has not been easy, but sticking to routine and accepting help when offered have meant that it has been manageable.

My first had horrendous reflux, which didn't ease until he could properly sit up, which he did at a relatively late age. My two are now 2.5 and 1.5 and their bond is completely unbreakable, they absolutely adore each other and love playing together. There are still times when it is tough, mainly when one is ill and wants lots of attention, but as I say, we don't regret our decision at all.

If you want any advice at all please feel free to message me.

Also, please speak to your partner, you need the support at this time.

MrsY87 · 31/10/2018 07:46

My DS is 13m and I'm 24w so there will be 16/17m between them when they arrive so similar to you. Ours was planned but we never expected it to happen so quickly so was quite a shock when I realised I was pregnant again just as DS stopped sleeping and I will admit I did have the odd moment of omg what have we done. Definitely tell your DP, even though he may be shocked too it's something you need to deal with together.

My Bro & sis are 12m apart and whilst my mum said it was hard work they got through it and I'm sure you will too. They grew up being best friends as they were so close in age and always had each other to play with even now they are still very close, I'm hoping the same for mine too.

If you think you have postnatal depression please go and talk to your GP/HV as they will be able to help you and give you additional support you need. 💛

Yogagirl123 · 31/10/2018 07:56

I had a close gap between my two DS, it was the best thing ever. Of course very hard work when they were little, but I have no regrets.

Personally I am not a fan of big age gaps in siblings, but obviously sometimes you can’t choose.

Please speak to your partner and HCP re depression the sooner you get the help you need the better it will be. Good luck.

spotsoddsocks · 31/10/2018 07:59

Try not to panic, please speak to your partner don't keep this to yourself. It's a small age gap but you will get through it. Postpone the wedding if needs be for a other date, and as far as people judging you ignore them. If they're judgy people they'll judge you regardless of a small age gap or not. Unless they're are providing you with regular child car or financially supporting you tell them to wind thier necks in and mind their own business. If you and your partner come up with a routine and a plan it will make things easier. Speak to your midwife or health visitor for advice they're there to help.

wewillrememberthem · 31/10/2018 14:40

I had an 18 month gap, my sister law had a 12 month gap. It is very very hard and I suffered with PND. My second dc was unplanned and I didn't want the baby at all, I was depressed throughout my pregnancy and for years after he was born. I didn't love him until he was nine months old. I made the mistake of trying to be wife, housewife etc before being a mum. I wished I'd prioritised the dc instead of being obsessed with a clean house. The second dc affected me so much that my marriage irretrievably broke down and we got divorced. I often wondered if I'd had a termination (which never crossed my mind at the time as I was married) and we'd have had a bigger age gap if things would have turned out better.

All that said we are unbelievably close and have a great relationship and the sob,ones are very close and supportive of each other.

My sister in law is still married to my brother, they've been together 30 years and their DC are fine.

What I'm trying to say is think hard about what you really want, if you want to you can do it, it's hard but there are lots of positives of having a small age gap.

Definitely chat to your husband and make your decision together.

The best of luck whatever you decide x

Cornishclio · 31/10/2018 14:48

I had a 17 month gap between my two DDs. Hard work initially but got the baby stages over with in just a few years and they entertained each other well as they got older. No judgement received

DameSylvieKrin · 31/10/2018 15:38

I have a 12 month and a 4 week old (planned) and it's been so much easier than I expected so far.

NatureGal · 31/10/2018 19:33

12 months between dc 1&2 which was planned. Dc 1 had awful reflux which didn't improve until he was about 15months, weaning was horrible. Some days it was tiring, but it was honestly fine. They are great friends, play together and the transition from 1 to 2 is easier as your still in the nappy etc phase. I have 20 months between dc 2& 3 that was harder and I developed pnd/pna. Talk to your partner and go through all your options together. Oh and sod anyone who comments about the close gap.

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