Concern over tearing again... (beware of personal details!)

[PurpleLostPrincess]

This might sound really pathetic but it has just dawned on me that when I had DD1 I tore quite badly to the point where I was pretty much deformed in my lady parts.

To explain, I imagine my 'upper' bits to be a bit like an upside down V (I think its my clitoris?). Well, one of the straight bits of the V split in half and at the time it was really painful. At my six week check, my GP looked at it and said I could get plastic surgery but that it might affect my libido so I decided against it. It soon healed up in terms of pain but has never looked the same since.

DH and I have an amazing sex life and it doesn't bother him at all (I have remarried since having DD1). However, it has just dawned on me that it could happen again and if it does, how much will it hurt and will I want to have it corrected this time?

Has anybody had a similar experience or am I just a freak!?

If you've had a good sex life since, it must have healed well. Who cares what it looks like, it's not for show!

I had more perineal pain and damage after childbirth the first time than with either of the subsequent 2, even though each child was successively larger and all were born vaginally.

You can prepare for childbirth with perineal massage, so I'm told. You need baby- or massage-oil to do it. Never did it myself, but have heard it well spoken of. Also heard of one mum who used arnica as a preventative, and recommended it.

Also, relaxation is good preparation for childbirth and helps minimise damage.

Hi Purple ((waves)). I tore badly with DS1 but unlike you I tore right the way round to the back. I was terrified of the same thing happening with DS2, so they advised me to give birth on all fours (doggy style ) which worked! No tears, just a small graze! Apparently this is a good position to deliver in, because it prevents tearing.

Just out of interest Purple, was your first baby posterior?????

((waves back at HIWBB!))

Actually, now you mention it, I wouldn't say he was offically posterior but he did get stuck with his head twisted slightly which also happened with DD 4years later. I had 11 stitches inside with him and ventouse, and that is where I tore with DD but I also tore upwards but they didn't notice it at the time - great! I remember taking a look at my ladybits with a mirror about a week or two after having her and being absolutely devastated!!

I've been putting lots of baby oil on in preparation (feels a bit squishy sometimes though lol!).

I know its not for show but I guess it just dawned on me that DH is the only person who has seen my bits as they are and a load of strangers might wonder about it. I guess (and hope) they'll be too busy helping to deliver the baby though!!

Gravity is your best ally so keep upright, Purple! Also, consider waterbirth which keeps the relevant parts relaxed while you flex those uterine muscles.

Purple, I also tore with DS2 (2nd degree)front & back, I had clitoral stitches. I remember the pain. I don't look or feel the same. No more children for me though so I don't have that worry again (DS1 was episiotomy & ventouse)

Tentacles - clitoral stitches? Ouch! Never heard of that before. (Have I led v sheltered life?)

Tentacles -- ouch! It sounds you suffered about the worst... Sorry also to PLP and everybody else who tore.

Working on first and have nothing to add, but am confused: is gravity in your favor or not? My understanding was that some tears happen because the baby comes to fast, so a position that slows the process down would be preferable?

Would you opt for a episiotomy if it was your first? Have heard many contradicting opinions about this?

As for looks PLP - I wouldn't care. But if it effects feeling, sex life, or anything else, I think I would look into the option of surgery. But it sounds it would make things probably worse?

I had waterbirth large baby and didnt tear mw explained if you in water longer than45mins it makes your perinium nice and stretchy! kind of like how you get wrinkly extra skin when you been in bath to long good luck hope you dont tear again

I had a horrific expeience with dd1.

Back to cak and a 3rd degree tear resulting in 12 stitches insied and 12 outside. Dh said when I tore it sounded like a cotton sheet ripping.

Thankfully with dd2 I only had a 2nd degree so if I manage to concieve no 3 I'm hoping for no tears at all.